Understanding Your Husband

Whether or not a couple think they know about each other before marriage, it is after marriage that they become fully aware of each other's character, habits, moods, likes and dislikes. There is a period of adjustment after marriage. If all goes well, the idealistic, romantic and sometimes intoxicating love of the pre-marriage or honeymoon period then develops into another dimension - a more mature kind of love based on true knowledge and understanding of each other provided the partners do not behave in such a way as to kill love altogether.

To develop this permanent and lasting kind of love in marriage, a wife needs to study her husband so as to know how to please him. In addition to knowing his personal likes and dislikes she should be able to sense his moods and respond to them and to anticipate his needs - to know when he wants to talk and when he wants silence. It is this responsiveness based on sympathy and understanding, that creates lasting bonds between husband and wife.

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) is reported to have said:

"The world is a provision, and the best provision of the world is a virtuous wife." (Hadith from Muslim and Nasa'i)

He is also reported to have said in elaboration:

"Should 1 not tell you of the best treasure of man? (It is) a virtuous woman: when he looks at her, she gladdens him; and when he tells her (anything) she is compliant; and when he is absent from her, she watches his (interest)." (Hadith from Abu Dawud)

In other words she has learned to respond to his needs and to please him even by her looks not just by taking care of her beauty (which may fade) but by her loving attention. When he wants her to do something or not to do it she complies with good will. She attends to his comfort and well-being and does not hurt his feelings. He is also comforted by the knowledge that this concern for his welfare is not just a show put on in his presence. She takes care of his interests also when he is absent.

A similar Hadith from Ibn Majah adds that she guards her honour and chastity when he is away.

All these characteristics of an ideal Muslim wife reflect her consideration, good manners and moral integrity.

Another Hadith reported by Talha bin Abdullah describes the opposite behaviour and its consequences:

“A woman who talks harshly and her husband becomes sad because of her rudeness, incurs the anger of Allah until such time that she smiles on her husband and tries to please him."

A woman who wishes her marriage to last happily into old age should therefore learn these lessons. She should not expect love to last if she is harsh, rude and disagreeable, and does not care whether her husband is pleased or not.

Allah gives us a prayer in the Qur'an:

"Our Lord! Grant us wives and children who will be the joy and comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness." (Qur'an, Surah Al-Furqan, 25:74)