Etiquettes of Mourning and Grief (1/3)

1. Endure calamities with patience and calmness. Do not lose heart and never Jet your grief and sorrow exceed moderate proportions, No person in the world can remain safe and unaffected by sorrow, grief, calamity, hardship, affliction, failure or loss. The response of the believers and unbelievers is, however, different in this respect.

The non-believer loses his sense under the burden of pains and sorrows and is completely immobilised by feelings of hopelessness and dismay. Sometimes he succumbs to grief and commits suicide. In contrast the believer remains undaunted in the face of the greatest calamity and never leaves command over his patience. At such times he becomes a symbol of patience and perseverance and stands firm like a rock. He takes the view that whatever has occurred was decreed by God and no command of God is devoid of wisdom or purpose. Hence whatever God commands is for the ultimate good of man and surely there is always an aspect of grace in all the dealings of God with man.

This reasoning produces a state of spiritual calm and satisfaction and the bitter taste of sorrow turns into sweetness. This faith in the predetermined destiny makes the burden of hardship light and calamity becomes easy to bear. God has affirmed:  

"Naught of disaster befalleth in the earth or in yourselves but it is in a Book before we bring it into being. Lo! that is easy for Allah that ye grieve not for the sake of that which hath escaped you.” (Surah Al-Hadeed: 22 - 23)

In other words one of the merits of putting faith in a divinely appointed destiny is that the believer finds solace even amidst the greatest suffering deeming it to be the decree of the Providence. He remains unshaken and in all matters looks towards the Merciful God and thinks only of His Grace and endeavours to seek good out of every evil by employing his virtues of patience and contentment under all circumstances. The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has observed:

"How excellent is the state of the true believers! He wins Grace under all conditions. If he is afflicted with grief, sickness or poverty, he bears them in peace and such trials bring goodness to him. If he is rewarded with happiness and prosperity it becomes the cause of goodness for him". (Reported by Muslim)

2. On hearing a tragic or painful news or if you suffer loss or sustain grief or injury or are beset with a sudden misfortune, recite at once:

"Lo! We are Allah’s and Io! unto Him are we to return". (Surah Al-Baqarah)

The implication is that all our possessions belong to God; God has given us everything and He is the One Who will take everything. We are his creatures and we must return to Him. We submit to the Will of God in all matters and are content with His Dispensation. All acts of God contain certain purpose, wisd.om and justice He acts with greater good in view. It is the duty of His faithful servant never to resent the actions of the Lord.

God observes:

"And surely we shall try you with something of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the steadfast who say, when misfortune striketh them ; Lo ! we are Allah's and lo ! unto Him we are to return. Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord and Mercy, Such are the rightly-guided". (Surah Al-Baqarah: 155-157)

The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has affirmed:  

"When a man is afflicted with hardship and says: “Inna Lillahi” God removes his affliction and blesses him with a happy outcome and bestows on him what his heart desires in reward for it”  

On one occasion when his lamp went off, the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Inna Lillahi wa Inna ilaihi raji’un.”

Someone enquired: "O Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! Is it a calamity if the lamp goes off?" The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Yes, everything that causes hardship to a believer is a calamity".

And the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has observed: “God forgives all the sins of those Muslims who suffer a torment of the soul or physical pain, illness, sorrow, grief or affliction, even the injury on account of the piercing of a thorn (and bear all these trials with patience)". (Reported by Bukhari, Muslim)

Anas (God be pleased with him) reports: "The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: 'The more severe the trial and hardship, the greater its reward. When God cherishes love for a group of people, He puts them to trial to cleanse them more and to make them pure. Hence those who acquiesce in the Will of God win the pleasure of God And those who harbour resentment against God in the hour of trial, God also is displeased with them.” (Reported by Tirmidhi)

Abu Musa Ash’ari (God be pleased with him) related that the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed; "When the child of a person dies, God enquires from His angels: 'Did you extract the soul of the child of one of my creatures!’ They submit: "Yes” God again asks them; ‘Did you extract the soul of the most beloved of my creature?' They submit: "Yes". God then enquires from them: 'What did my creature say?’ They submit: "In his hour of affliction, he praised Thee and said: “inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. Thereupon God commands the angels: “Build a dwelling for this creature of Mine in the paradise and call it ‘Bait ul-Hamd' (The House of Thanksgiving)." (Reported by Tirmidhi)

3. It is natural to show grief on suffering pain or meeting an accident. However, care should be observed that even under the stress of extreme pain and grief the tongue should not utter an unholy remark, nor the virtues of patience and contentment be forsaken.

The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) had his son Ibrahim (God be pleased with him) in his lap when the child was about to depart this earthly life. On seeing this piteous Bight tears started trickling down the eyes of the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and the Prophet of God (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "O Ibrahim, we grieve over thy separation, but our tongue shall utter only that which conforms to the Will of God". (Reported by Muslim)

(Continued)