Etiquettes of Mourning and Grief (2/3)

4. Even in the depth of grief, do not commit an act which may smack of ingratitude or complaint or which transgresses the rules of Shari'ah. It is unlawful for a believer to give vent to loud weeping, tearing off clothes, slapping cheeks, crying and shouting or beating of head or the chest in mourning. The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has said: "The man who tears off his clothes, slaps his cheeks, and raves and shouts like pagans and wails is not a member of my ummah." (Reported by Tirmidhi)

When Ja'far Tayyar (God be pleased with him) attained martyrdom and the news reached his home, the women of his household began to shout and cry and started wailing loudly. The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sent word, "Stop wailing". But the women continued their lamentations, The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade them a second time, but the women would not comply. Thereupon the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: “Fill their mouths with dust". (Reported by Bukhari)

On one occasion, the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was accompanying a funeral procession. A woman came carrying a stove. The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) reprimanded her so severely that she ran away at once. (Sirat-un-Nabi Vol VI)

The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "No one should carry fire or funeral music behind a bier".

There was a custom in Arabia that people who walked behind a bier used to cast away their cloaks as a mark of grief and only kept their skirts on. On seeing people in this state once the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed". The people at once put on their cloaks and never acted in this fashion again. (Reported by Ibn Majah)

5. Do not curse your illness, nor utter any word of complaint. Exercise utmost patience and self-control and pray for the reward in the Hereafter.

The sins of the believers are washed away by suffering illness or enduring tortures. The soul of the believer is purged and he attains capital reward in the Eternal world. The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has affirmed:

“All pain that the believer endures on account of physical torture, illness or some other cause is rewarded by God in such fashion that God purges the believer of all his sins even as a tree sheds its leaves". (Reported by Bukhari, Muslim)

Once on seeing a lady shivering, the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enquired from her, “O Umm Sa'ib or Musayyib! Why are you shivering so!” She replied: “I am seized with fever. May God curse it!" The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) advised her, "No, don't curse the fever. Fever purges the progeny of Adam of sins even as fire smelts the ore to extract pure iron.” (Reported by Muslim)

‘Ata b. Rabah (may God be merciful to him) describes a first-hand account as follows: "On one occasion when we were near the Ka'ba, 'Abbas (may God be pleased with him) said to me, "Would you like to see a woman who will go to Paradise?” "Yes, certainly".  'Abbas (may God be pleased with him) said: “Look at that black woman. She once went to the presence of the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and submitted, "O Prophet of God (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you) I am seized with such deep fits of epilepsy that I lose all consciousness and in this state I become completely naked: O Prophet of God (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! Pray to God in my behalf". The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "If you continue to endure this affliction with patience, God will send thee to Paradise or if you wish I shall pray to God to cure thee". On hearing this, the lady submitted: "O Prophet of God (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! I am willing to endure this affliction in peace. However, please pray to God to save me from the humiliation of being rendered naked in the state of epilepsy". The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) thereupon prayed to God on behalf of this lady. 'Ata (God be merciful to him reports that he saw this tall lady Umm Rafz on the steps of the Ka'ba."

6. Do not observe mourning for more than three days on the death of any one. It is natural to be stricken with grief and to weep on the death of relations, yet the period of mourning should not exceed three days, The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "It is not lawful for a believer to mourn the death of someone for a period of more than three days. However, the lawful mourning period for a widow is four months and ten days. During this period, she should not put on a colourful dress, nor use any perfume nor should bedeck herself." (Reported by Tirmidhi)

On the fourth day after the death of the brother of Zainab bint Jahsh (God be pleased with her) some ladies visited her to offer condolences. Zainab (God be pleased with her) applied perfume to her person in the presence of everyone and remarked: "I did not need to use perfume at this time. However, I have done so now because I have heard the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) to say, "It is not lawful for a Muslim lady to observe mourning for more than three days for any relation except her husband''.

7. Advise each other to bear sorrow, grief or calamity calmly and patiently. When the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) returned from the battle of Uhud the ladies came to his holy presence to enquire after their relations and kin. When Hamna bint Jahsh (God be pleased with her) appeared, the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) instructed her to bear her grief calmly, and said: “Be patient over martyrdom of your brother 'Abdullah (God be pleased with him)” and she recited: ‘Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un.’ It is from Allah and we have to return to Allah and prayed for the salvation of her brother.

Then the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) instructed her, "Be patient over the martyrdom of your maternal uncle Hamza (God be pleased with him).” Hamna (God be pleased with her) again recited - ‘Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un’ and prayed for the salvation of her uncle.

The son of Abu Talha (God be pleased with him) was gravely ill - Leaving his son in this precarious state, Talha (God be pleased with him) had to go out to work. The child died in his absence, Abu Talha's wife (God be pleased with her) instructed the people not to report the news to Abu Talha (God be pleased with him).

When he returned home in the evening after work, he enquired from the wife: "How is the child?" She replied: "He is in a more restful state". Then she brought dinner for Abu Talha (God be pleased with him). He ate it in peace and went to bed. Next morning the pious wife conveyed the sad news to her husband in a very wise manner. She asked him : ‘If someone lends something to somebody and then demands it back, what right has the possessor to withhold the thing from the real owner?’ Abu Talha (God be pleased with him) replied: "It is impossible for the borrower to claim such a right.” Thereupon the patient wife observed: “Be patient over the loss of your son then.” (Reported by Muslim)

8. Welcome all hardships in the way of righteousness in good cheer and feel joy rather than sorrow at whatever distress befalls you in this way. Offer thanks to the Lord that He thus accepted your sacrifice in His way. Asma' (God be pleased with her), the illustrious mother of «Abdullah b. Zubair (God be pleased with him) once fell gravely ill. ‘Abdullah {God be pleased with him) came to enquire after her health. The mother said to him Son! in the first place, I wish that God should keep me until I witness one of the two things that either you should attain martyrdom on the field of battle and I should obtain the Grace of being patient on hearing the report of your martyrdom or you should gain victory and seeing you a victor I should gladden my sight. As God willed it to 'Abduliah b. Zubair (God be pleased with him) attained martyrdom in the lifetime of his mother, Hajjaj ordered to keep his dead body hanging on the stake. Asma’ (God be pleased with her) was at that time too old and weak yet in spite of her old age and weakness she arrived to look at this piteous sight. Instead of crying and wailing on seeing the dead body of her dear son, she addressed Hajjaj and said to him: "Has not the time yet come for this rider to dismount the horse?"

9. Support one another in grief and pain. Share the sorrows and afflictions of your friends and lend all help you can to alleviate their suffering. The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "All Muslims are like one human body. If the eye becomes sore, the entire body feels distress. If there is a pain in the head, all organs of the body suffer the agony". (Reported by Muslim)

At the time when Ja’far Tayyar (God be pleased with him) attained martyrdom, the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed : "Let food be sent to Ja'far's house, for the inmates of his house in their abundance of grief will not be able to cook meal " (Reported by Abu Dawud)

Abu Huraira (God be pleased with him) reports that the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "A man who offers condolences to a woman whose child is dead shall be admitted in Paradise and he shall be wrapped in the sheet of Paradise ". (Reported by Tirmidhi)

And the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also observed: “The man who solaces an afflicted person shall be rewarded in the same degree as the afflicted one.” (Reported by Tirmidhi)

In the same connection the Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enjoined upon the people to join the funerals, Abu Huraira (God be pleased with him) has reported : "The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: “The person who joins the funeral and says the funeral prayer will get a reward equal to one Qirat (Carat) and the person who after the funeral prayers attends the burial also will get reward equal to two Qirats (Carats)". Someone asked: "What will be the mass of these two Qirats?" The Holy Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: “The mass of these two Qirats will be equal to two mountains". (Reported by Bukhari, Muslim)

(Continued)