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Home / Counsels / Social

I do not like my wife and want to divorce her

Prof. Marwah Yusuf `Ashur

Published On: 1/11/2015 A.D. - 18/1/1437 H.   Visited: 7766 times     


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Question

 

 

As-Salamu `Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

I am a college student from a respectful family. Few weeks ago, I concluded my marriage then the problem began. When I saw my wife during the betrothal, I did not like her but I agreed due to the pressure of my family and because I was thirty years old and want to marry.

I feel I made a mistake from the very beginning because I did not like her. I feel I am with a women for whom I have no feelings, and the matter exacerbated and turned into aversion and refusal.

Now, I am confused, for I cannot divorce her for fear of her reputation, and I am thinking of making her ask for separation.

What do you think of this solution? Is this an appropriate solution?

Answer

 

 

O virtuous, may Allah preserve your life.

 

Very often wishes are mixed, visions are confused, and dreams are mixed with reality in a try to draw the image nearer to reality by reducing the beauty of the first and polishing the latter making it more confusing, foggy, and away from our desires. And when the dream is about to come true, beautiful features are removed and its decorations that were glittering before our eyes fall down.

 

Before marriage, she was an ordinary girl and did not seize your emotions and feelings, so the result was aversion, but if you had feelings to her before marriage, they would have turned into vivid and strong feelings.

 

I suggest that you take time to think over. Do not think about her but think about yourself because the decision of separation will surely affect her. It is natural that a person thinks about his own interest before thinking about the interests of others. Do not worry about her, for a natural girl likes the one who draws nearer to her and makes her hear nice words and good phrases. Likewise the opposite, when a wife finds aversion and harsh treatment from her husband, her feelings are frozen and her emotions become harsh. Do not mind about what people shall say about her because it will be much better than a torn apart marriage and you will have to pretend a fake happiness and your wife would smile to show her happiness to people in a desperate attempt to rebuild her destructed dreams.

 

You have made a mistake by accepting marriage under the pretext of your old age, and you should have taken a chance to think about a decision upon which a lot of events depend and many bonds stand on it.

 

Now, you have two choices:

First, to continue your marriage and draw happiness, and get angry for every tiny problem in a try to get out your feelings which rebel against you every moment.

 

Second, to take a decisive decision and declare your late response to refuse this marriage and stop oppressing yourself and your wife.

 

If you make up your mind to divorce your wife, go on and follow the best way which is "a kind divorce" without reducing her rights, and you should ask trustworthy jurists and act according to Allah's Shari`ah.

 

Finally, despite the pain that will take place no doubt, when you are sure of your feelings, you should divorce her before begetting children.

 

May Allah guide you to the good, and do not forget Salatul-Istikharah before taking the final step.

 

Allah is the One who guides to the Straight Path.



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