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My wife from betrayal to smoking, should I divorce her?

Prof. Yumna Zakariyya

Published On: 5/11/2015 A.D. - 22/1/1437 H. Visited: 8992 times

Question

As-Salamu `Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

I chose my wife by conviction as she is the elder sister in her family, on her people depend mainly at home, and she owns many qualities such as: Conviction, patience, child care, and bearing life pressures.

We spent years of love and intimacy until I made a mistake in her right by getting to know a woman and talked to her on the Internet, and we had affectional chat. Then, one day my wife asked for the mobile and I forgot to close the chat program, so she discovered the matter, and I became angry and did not apologize. My anger was due to her spying on me. I know that it was not an excuse but at that time, I could not control my emotions then everything became ok. After two years, I discovered that my wife has spoken to a man on the Internet. That took place directly after our problem, I knew that through my technical experience. So, I abandoned her and got angry after she had admitted her mistake as if she had done so as a reaction to my cheat and my rudeness in getting angry instead of apologizing for her.

Since then, we are living in an atmosphere of doubts and suspicions, and problems are getting worse daily. Recently, I discovered that she smokes which affected my psychology badly.

In short, my wife is magnificent by all standards: Good rearing, patient, convincing, standing by my side, and respecting my guests and my family. It is true that she is not free of negatives such as stubbornness, anger, and others, but these are simple matters. There are two problems: Smoking and cheating have ruined our life. Let it be known that she asked for divorce to stop what is happening between us, but our problem lies in the children and in our love to each other. We are from the kind which does not display problems to others but we solve them in between.

My question is: Should I agree to divorce her or is there another alternative?

Answer

Valued brother, welcome to our Alukah Network, asking Allah to bring tranquility and peace to your beautiful house, sooner God willing.

Dear valued brother, I do not like the idea of separation but after running out of all ways and methods in keeping this firm bond particularly in the presence of children (may Allah protect them). So, fighting and observing patience until the final breath are always the best choice, therefore I invite you to do the following:

• Change your daily routine, and try to be at home most of the time.

• Remove all negative ideas that control you.

• Consider what happened a passing fancy or a mistake and repent to Allah sincerely. "Except those who repent and believe (in Islâmic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allâh will change their sins into good deeds, and Allâh is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Surat Al Furqan: 70].

• Draw closer to Allah by the acts of worship and Salah. "Verily, As-Salât (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahshâ' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)." [Surat Al `Ankabut: 45].

• Be keen to share your activities with your wife and have a dialogue with her.

• Make communication with her different such as sending her nice messages on the mobile.

• Do some activities together such as: Shopping, going on a journey, and reciting the Glorious Qur'an.

• Plan for common projects for the family to enhance the relationship between you and regain the trust once again God willing.

And know dear brother that building of trust once again is not an easy thing to do, but with real desire to continue marital life and with true love as you mentioned in your message (our love for each other) these obstacles shall go away, God willing.

There is another point in your message which made me stop and think which is smoking, may Allah remove it, for it is not a proper behavior to men rather than women. So, your duty is to advise her with every possible means to prevent her of bad behavior: "O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell)." [Surat At-Tahrim: 6].

It is possible to seek the help of a family counselor to know the reasons then you shall find the cure, God willing.

Finally, I ask Allah to guide you.

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