My religiousness is the secret of my happiness

Who of us does not want happiness?

Who of us does not want joy?

Who of us does not want to live his life happily and exultingly?

Today I shall narrate to you my story which I believe the story of every girl.

I am a twenty-years-old girl who loves life, joy and hates sadness. I always was looking for happiness among friends, songs and series, and sometimes in love stories.

They said to me: Verily, happiness is in going out with friends, sitting in cafes, going to cinemas, listening to music, and going out with guys.

I used to meet my friends and spend my daytime in malls and cafes in the company of boys and girls. We used to laugh loud, joke, and play without difference between boys and girls.

Before these encounters I used to say to myself: This is my day and I have to be the most beautiful girl to hear the flirtation of boys or their lovely comments. I loved the looks and flirtations of boys and I always satisfied my desires by these words.

My first concern was as any usual girl: Clothes and make up, and of course all my clothes were elegant and fashionable [short and tight] despite my Hijab, but I wanted to be the most beautiful to attract boys' sights.

I remained this way very long and used to convince myself this is life and this is I am, but in fact every day I was getting more and more sadness and depression.

I used to go to my room and cry a lot without known the reason, but I felt as if I am missing something for which I kept searching without knowing what it is.

What would I miss after this beautiful day with my friends and beloved ones and spending time in all these joys which a person wishes from the world?

If happiness is not in all these, where would be the real happiness?

I kept thinking a lot everyday and every minute about the thing which I miss and that would make me happy and comfort my heart.

One day I went to my room sad and decided to review my daily actions so that I may find out where from all this sadness came.

I checked my day rapidly and I found out illegal love, love songs, wasting of Salah, treason and disobedience to my parents, lying, hypocrisy, and accompanying youth.

After all these reasons, why should I be at wonder at this sadness. Do I wish to be happy after all these?

I cried at myself and my condition and said: What all these? What is this life? By Allah, it is a hell.

I kept crying and decided to resort to my Lord, for He is the only One knows my condition, but what should I say to him after all these sins? By Allah, I feel ashamed to invoke Him and say: O Lord. However, in that moment I recalled the saying of my Lord: "O son of Adam! I shall go on forgiving you so long as you pray to Me and aspire for My forgiveness whatever may be your sins. O son of Adam! I do not care even if your sins should pile up to the sky and should you beg pardon of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam! If you come to Me with the fill of earth with sins and meet Me, not associating anything with Me in worship, I will certainly grant you as much pardon as will fill the earth."

O Allah, O the Most Merciful, forgive me and bestow mercy on me.

I stood between the hands of Allah, so I performed ablution while crying and I still do not know the reason of my cry, whether cry for the sins or crying for myself or because I felt the mercy of Allah.

I intended to perform two Rak`ahs. By Allah, I cannot describe my feeling at that moment in which I felt comfort in my heart that I did not feel before. It is enough for me at that moment to be in the hands of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, the Forgiving, the Kind, glory be to Allah (Glory be to Him).

After I had finished Salah, I took a copy of the Qur'an, opened it, and started to recite from Surat Ghafir. I do not know the secret of choosing that Surah which I did not recite before, but perhaps it is a message from my Lord and recited until I found the following message: "Those (angels) who bear the Throne (of Allâh) and those around it glorify the praises of their Lord, and believe in Him, and ask forgiveness for those who believe (in the Oneness of Allâh) (saying): "Our Lord! You comprehend all things in mercy and knowledge, so forgive those who repent and follow Your Way, and save them from the torment of the blazing Fire! * Our Lord! And make them enter the 'Adn (Eden) Paradise (everlasting Gardens) which you have promised them - and to the righteous among their fathers, their wives, and their offspring! Verily, You are the All-Mighty, the All-Wise. * And save them from (the punishment for what they did of) the sins, and whomsoever You save from (the punishment for what he did of) the sins (i.e. pardon him) that Day, him verily, You have taken into mercy." And that is the supreme success." [Surat Ghafir: 7 - 9].

I stopped with these Ayahs, pondered over, and became happy a lot because Allah shall accept my repentance if it is sincere. I did not satisfied with this but I kept reciting and felt that I do not want to leave it, and I wanted search for another message from my Lord. Until I reached Ayahs No. 60: "And your Lord said: Invoke Me, [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islâmic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation). Verily, those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islâmic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!" [Surat Ghafir: 60]. Who would become haughty to worship you, O the Most Generous? O Allah, forgive me.

From that point on I repented to Allah sincerely and I invoked Him to accept my repentance and forgive me past sins. Since that point, my conditions changed and discovered the secret of happiness which is drawing nearer to Allah who provides happiness.