Means of Reconciliation with People Who Have Caused Us Harm (1/4)

If we consider affliction from a positive perspective, we will find that it teaches us how to pray with sincerity, purifies us of arrogance, conceit, and vanity, and restrains our recalcitrance. Almighty Allah says, “Verily, man does transgress all hounds. Because he considers himself self-sufficient."[1]

Among the other benefits of adversity are the compassion, cooperation, and prayers of others for the afflicted. Therefore, we should exert our utmost efforts to reconcile with anyone who has caused us harm. This can be done by considering the following practical steps:

1. We should continuously keep in mind the merits of others so that the language between us is one of "harmonized positive feelings".  We should also understand that feelings represent a mutual exchange of energy between one person and the other. The more positive one person's energy is, the stronger the other person's similar reaction will be. Therefore, improving the feelings in our hearts improves the language between us and those who have harmed us, on a vibrational energy level. Thus, Almighty Allah says,

“And We shall remove whatever rancor may be in their breasts. As brethren, face to face, (they rest) on couches raised.”[2] This also generates an inner feeling of comfort and contentment, leaving (he heart in an easy, undisturbed state The Prophet (Peace he upon him) said, "Do not report to me anything [negative] about my Companions, because I like tit meet them with a clear heart.”[3]

2. We should forgive one another and try to seek the key to the person's character when you deal with him, so that we may win his heart. The noble Companion, 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab, taught us how to overlook the faults of others when he said, "Find seventy excuses for your brother. If you cannot find any, then invent some. If you cannot do that, then blame only yourself." He also said, "Do not think of a word uttered by your fellow believer as being evil if you can find anyway to interpret it as good."

3. One thing that can help us to reconcile is to remember that faith is withdrawn from a believer while he sins. The Prophet (Peace he upon him) said, "No adulterer commits adultery while being a believer, no robber steals while being a believer, and no one drinks alcohol while being a believer, and repentance is proposed thereupon."[4]

Hence, we hate sin but we do not hate the sinner. Ibn ‘Ata'-Allah said, "An act of obedience may make the person who performs it vain and proud, while an act of disobedience may make the person who commits it humble and modest." We can learn this conduct from an incident that happened with Abu Ad-Darda' who was sent by 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab to Syria to teach the people there. On his way, he passed by a man who was being beaten, thus he became angry for the Sake of Allah and asked them, "Why do you beat him?" They replied, "Because he committed a sin." So he said, "If your brother fell in a well, would you rescue him.'" They said, "Indeed we would. But do you not hate him?" He replied, "I hate only his deed. If he repents, he is my brother."

Similarly, when Al-‘Abbas told the Prophet (Peace he upon him) "Abu Sufyan is a man who takes pleasure in pride, so give him something to be proud of." The Prophet (may the peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) then said, 'Anyone who enters Al-Masjid Al-Haram (the Sanctified Mosque) will be secure, anyone who enters the house of Abu Sufyan will be secure, and anyone who enters his own home will be secure."[5] Such was the conduct of the Prophet (Peace he upon him), even with non-Muslims. Almighty Allah says,

“And had you been severe and harsh hearted, they would have broken away from about you”[6]

4. We should eliminate from our hearts all negative thoughts towards people who harm us. The clearer the heart is, the greater the light of faith placed into it by Almighty Allah. It is sufficient to know that negative thinking deprives you of proximity to Allah. Once a group of people went to the Prophet (Peace he upon him) and he asked them, "Who are you?" They replied, "We are believers." He then asked them, “What is the proof of your belief?" They said, "We meet affliction with patience, accept what is ordained, show gratitude at times of welfare, and never rejoice over the mishaps of our enemies." [7]

Anas ibn Malik reported that he and others were once sitting with the Prophet (Peace he upon him) who said, "A man from the people of Paradise will now emerge upon you," when one of the men of the Ansar emerged - with his beard dripping with the water of his ablution, and his sandal in his left hand. On the following day, the Prophet (Peace he upon him) repeated the same words, and the same man emerged in the same way as he had previously. Again, on the following day, the Prophet (Peace he upon him) repeated the same words yet again, and the same man emerged in the same condition as he had the first time. When the Prophet (Peace he upon him) left, Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn AI-'As followed the man and told him, "I had a disagreement with my father and swore not to enter his house for three days. Can you host me in your house until these days pass?" The main agreed and thus 'Abdullah spent three nights in the man's house.

During this time, he was amazed to find that the man was not performing any extra prayers during the night. Rather, he would only stir in his bed when he was uncovered and mention the Name of Allah and glorify Him, until he would rise for dawn prayers. However, ‘Abdullah said that he never heard this man say anything foul. When the three nights passed, ‘Abdullah almost looked down on the deeds of this man. He said to the man, There was no disagreement or desertion between my father and myself, but each of the three limes I heard the Prophet (Peace he upon him) say, “A man from the people of Paradise will now emerge upon you,  and it was you, I wanted to stay with you to know about your deeds so that I could follow your example, however, I did not see you do much, so what is the reason that you have gained such a status?"

The man then said, "Nothing other than what you saw. ‘Ahdullah was then about to leave, but the man called him and said, "Nothing other than what you saw, except that I do not harbor in my heart any ill-will towards any Muslim, nor do I envy anyone for any good granted by Allah. ‘Abdullah then said, "That is how you reached that status, and that is what we all find loo difficult."[8]

Sufyan Ath-Thawri quoted ‘Ali as saying, "The Prophet (Peace he upon him) said, ‘The people are asleep, and only wake up when they die.'"[9] This means that the people only become aware that what counts is the peaceful soul mentioned in the Holy Qur'an, “O peaceful soul, come back to your Lord, well-pleased and well-pleasing unto Him. Enter you, then, among My honored slaves, and enter you My Paradise!”[10]

 
(Continued)