Of the guidelines of educational punishment

Of the wisdom is not to resort to the punishment of beating but after trying other methods in modifying behavior. The best is to grade the method of treatment so as to make beating punishment the last resort. Allah Almighty says: "As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)." [Surat An-Nisa': 34]. Allah (Glory be to Him) mentioned that when a man fears the disobedience of his wife, he should punish her gradually starting from admonition, then abandonment in bed, and at last beating.[1]

So, if amendment and reform are achieved in a stage, it is not permissible to resort to the next stage because the purpose has been achieved.

So, an educator follows the way of intimidation before exhortation, admonition before rebuke, and rebuke before beating. He should not resort to beating only after completing these stages.

Beating should be for rearing not for revenge. Do not hit while you are irritated and beware of the positions that may harm him, and while you are beating him, make him feel that you still love him.

In addition to the mentioned guidelines, adopt the following steps:

1. Do not punish except in the case of repeated error.

2. Punishment should be given according to the wrong committed.

3. Advising and guiding before punishment.

4. Do not delay punishment so as not to lose its meaning and benefit, for example, he says: I shall punish you tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

5. Overlooking small lapses.

6. Punishment should be away from his brothers and people as it contains insult to him.

7. Reduction of corporal punishment as much as possible.

8. Parents should alternate the role of punishment so that a child would not have uneasy feeling toward one of the parents.

I remember that a young man under twenty years old was pouring coffee for men in their gathering, but he made a mistake when he handed over cups with his left hand. Accordingly, his father hit and insulted him before people. The child has become very frightened to enter gatherings or sit with people until he reached forty of age. His father could have solved that easily without resorting to rebuke and beating in front of people.

References:

1. How to raise your Muslim child; Shuqayr `Itiby.

2. Scientific methods in raising children; `Abdul-Majid Al Jumu`ah.

3. How should a Muslim raise his son; Muhammed Sa`id Mawlawy.

4. How to change your child's behavior; Muhammad Dimas.

5. Of our mistakes in rearing our children; Dr. Muhammed ibn `Abdullah As-Sihim.

6. Understand your child to succeed in raising him; Adel Fathi `Abdullah.

7. Raising Children in Islam; Dr. `Abdullah Nasih `Ulwan.

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[1] The interpretation of As-Sa`dy 1/431 with slight paraphrasing.