Plant trust in the soul of your child

Of the errors which we commit with our children:

To send the child to a place to fetch something and when he returns after buying something you do not want, it will be like doomsday to you and the world becomes gloomy in you face then you yell, insult, rebuke him, repeating expressions like: You do not understand, you do not know, and suchlike expressions which frustrate rather than building, harm his self-confidence, and its trace remains for a while. If your son does so, treat him kindly, thank him for what he did, and explain to him kindly that he had made a mistake.

Of the matters that instill trust in the soul of a child:

1- Charging him of some matters and needs.

2- Make him sit with elder people when he is spectacular.

Once, I sat with one of the Muslim brothers and his son was in primary 4. He was smart and participated in the conversation. I listened and encouraged him to continue in his speech and advised his father to pay more attention to him. When I was about to leave, I said to him: Promise me to make him a preacher and a caller to Allah, and he kept laughing and said: Yes, God Willing.

In this regard, I recall the Hadith of Ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that once the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to his Companions: "Tell me about a tree which has resemblance with a believer. The people began to mention (different) trees of the forest. Ibn `Umar said: It was instilled in my mind or in my heart and it stuck therein that it implied the date-palm tree. I made up my mind to make a mention of that but could not do that because of the presence of the elderly people there. When they kept silent, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: It is the date palm.[1] This young companion was honored by attending the Prophet's assembly, benefited a lot and became of the grand scholars of the Companions.

When you find your child smart, pay attention to him, therefore `Umar used to pay much attention to his son `Abdullah and was glad at his presence in the Prophet's assembly as reported in the previous Hadith. Moreover, he wished that his son would have told the Prophet (peace be upon him) of the name of the tree to boast thereof. `Abdullah said: I informed `Umar and he said: If you had mentioned it, it would have been more beloved to me than such and such." [2]

`Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was keen to bring Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) to his assembly, while he was young, along with the grand Companions of the Prophet. Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "`Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) used to make me sit with the noble elderly men who had participated in the battle of Badr. Some of them disliked it and said to `Umar: "Why do you bring in this boy to sit with us when we have sons like him?'' `Umar replied: "Because of the status he has, which you already know about (i.e., belongs to the source of knowledge and the house of the Prophet (peace be upon him)).'' One day, `Umar called me and seated me in the gathering of those people; and I think that he called me just to show them (of my religious knowledge). `Umar then questioned them (in my presence). "How do you interpret the ayah of Allah: `When there comes the Help of Allah (to you, O Muhammad (peace be upon him) against your enemies) and the Conquest (of Makkah).''' Someone said that when Allah's Help and the Conquest (of Makkah) came to us, we were called upon to celebrate the Praise of Allah and ask for His forgiveness. Some others remained silent and did not utter a word. Thereupon `Umar asked me: "Ibn `Abbas! Do you say the same.'' I replied: "No". He said: "What do you say then?'' I replied: "That is the sign of the Prophet's death about which he had been informed. Allah, the Exalted, says: 'When there comes the help of Allah (to you, O Muhammad (peace be upon him) against your enemies) and the Conquest (of Makkah)'. So declare the remoteness of your Lord from every imperfection, and ask for His forgiveness. Verily, He is the One Who accepts the repentance and Who forgives". On that `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) said: "I do not know anything about it other than what you have said.""[3]

3- Take him with you for shopping to accustom him to buying and selling.

4- Consult him about your private matters by reviewing a problem and listen to his solution even if what you are hearing is trivial.

One of my relatives phoned me and complained about the avoidance of his child to him. I said to him: Try this beautiful method which is to view a work problem and ask him to give you an opinion. Indeed, he did what I told him to do then the child accompanied his father wherever he goes.

5- Respect and appreciate his friends, and if you see something suspicious from him, tell your child kindly and advise him courteously and softly, and you shall find great goodness.

References:

1- Kayfa Turabby Waladaka Al Muslim, Shuqir Al `Itiby.

2- Al Wasa'il Al `Ilmiyyah Fi Tarbiyat Al Awlad, `Abdul-Majid Al Jumu`ah.

3- Kayfa Yurabby Al Muslim Waladah, Muhammad Sa`id Mawlawy.

4- Kayfa Tughayyir Suluk Tiflak, Muhammad Dimas.

5- Min Akhta'ina Fi Tarbiyat Awladina, Dr. Muhammad ibn `Abdullah As-Sihim.

6- Ifham Tiflak Tanjah Fi Tarbiyatih, `Adil Fathy `Abdullah.

7- Tarbiyat Al Awlad Fi Al Islam, Dr. `Abdullah Nasih `Ulwan.

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[1] Al Bukhari 72, 131. Muslim 2811, with his own wordings.

[2] Al Bukhari 6122.

[3] Al Bukhari 4294 and 4970.