Developing the skills of children

The responsibility of rearing children is one of the major responsibilities that lie on the shoulder of parents as it is in the first place a responsibility before Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He). So, parents must watch over the behavior and manners of their children. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allâh, but do that which they are commanded." [Surat At-Tahrim: 6].

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects."

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "It is enough sin for a person to waste those whom he supports."

It was reported in the narration: "Rearing is the responsibility of parents and guidance is from Allah."

In this time, there are many families do not care for the rearing of their children as should. So, we see that the father neglects this responsibility and leaves it to the mother under pretence of his busyness for seeking livelihood. The mother neglects this responsibility under pretence of work or her busyness in housework or leaves the responsibility of rearing to school. As for the schools of our time, you may speak (about their negligence and indifference) without shame.

I would like to focus on the skills of dealing with children inside home. Parents should deal with children as dignified human beings and characters that will play an important role in the future. We should place them in their suitable status inside home and consulting them in issues that interest them such as buying clothes for them and their special matters; and grading in these matters according to the age of the child. We should teach them the proprieties of dealing with others at home, in the street, in school, and everywhere. It is important to teach them truthfulness and its value, and teach them they must not lie at all events. Moreover, we should not lie to them causing them to learn lie from their parents even in minor things as was reported in the Hadith of `Abdullah ibn `Amir who said: "My mother called me one day when the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was sitting in our house. She said: Come here and I shall give you something. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) asked her: What did you intend to give him? She replied: I intended to give him some dates. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: If you were not to give him anything, a lie would be recorded against you."

We should teach them how to maintain the furniture of the house and teach them the maintenance of some simple matters inside the house. We should tell them to keep away from dangerous matters in life such as electricity, sharp kitchen tools, gas, toxic substances.

When they make a mistake about something, we should explain to them the mistake they committed, tell them what is right, encourage them to do the right thing, and not to make them hear foul language such as saying: You are losers, you are stupid, you do not understand, you shall not become useful. When they make a mistake and deserve punishment, do not hit them violently along with using foul language and bad words, but we should explain to them the mistake they committed and that the punishment is made for not repeating this mistake again.

One of the major mistakes in which the parents fall is invoking Allah against children in the state of anger. So, parents must control themselves, invoke Allah for them with guidance and righteousness, and accustom one's tongue to do so. Invoking Allah against children is prohibited because of the Prophet's saying: "Do not invoke curses on yourself or on your children or on your possessions lest you should happen to do it at a moment when the supplications are accepted, and your invocations might be answered." [Reported by Muslim].

When they do beautiful things even if they are minor, we should praise, thank, and encourage them by giving them prizes and gifts, for gifts have great impact in the souls of human beings. The Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Give gifts to love one another."

We should tell them to try to organize their times and you may set a schedule to explain to them how to spend their days by allocating hours to sleep, worship, study, play, entertainment, reading, hobbies, and so on.