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I see in my dream that I was raped

Counselor: Shareefa Al-Sudairi

Published On: 15/10/2011 A.D. - 17/11/1432 H. Visited: 12246 times

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

Since my eleven years old, I recall some scenes in which I see my cousin using sexual harassment against me when I was young. Actually, I do not remember what happened and whether he used sexual harassment against me or not, or in what age? Maybe in four or five years old.

These scenes look like memories but I cannot remember the details. When these scenes jump into my mind, I hate men and I have that fear of them.

Three years ago, I tried to live normally. However, two months ago someone told me that he loves me and expressed his intention to propose to me. He said that he wants my confirmation before proposal.

I approved then I cut the relation with him because I cannot allow myself to do so. I am from a religious and famous family and we are very conservative whether in religion or in customs and traditions.

Now I have regretted my approval because I fear not to be a virgin, especially I remember my family saying something about that sexual harassment but I cannot remember whether they were (illusions) or childish memories. Could you kindly help me because I am tired of obsessions.

Answer

Dear sister, welcome in Al Alukah Network and I thank you for your message.

Are you an Arab who live in a foreign country or you are native?

These questions will help me to have a complete picture about your society and the nature of their thinking.

Generally, your nightmares are a result of your worry and fear because as I knew from your speech that you did not tell anyone and you think about it all the time, which made your unconsciousness interpreted these nightmares as such.

Sexual harassment happened to you in young age and you do not know any of these things. Your cousin may happen to be sexually harassed by someone else and he did that with you because he was young and did not reach the puberty age.

Do not worry, and do not let fear ruin your life. It is true that people connected between virginity with hymen but there are many girls who live all their lives in prohibited relationships and do not fear Allah or even people. Their relationships transgressed all limits but they did not harm their hymen; can we call them chaste?

I do not think so!

Chastity, my dear, is behaviors before being a small hymen. Unfortunately, Pre-Islamic habits limited all morals of girls in their hymen and forgot anything else. Forget what had happened with you in your young age and be sure that many girls around you and in the whole world subjected to sexual harassment by their relatives, but fear prevented them from talking about it and preferred silence.

Sure, if they had spoken, you would have discovered that many of them got married and led a good life without any problem. So, put your trust in Allah, ask Him to guide you to choose a good husband, and if you feel comfortable for that person, complete the marriage.

If you want to be more sure, you can visit a gynecologist, inform her about what happened, and ask her to comfort you.

In all conditions, forget the matter and do not feel guilty because you have nothing to do with the matter.

One more thing, do not tell anyone about it whether your husband, his family, or your friends so that it will not be falsely understood.

May Allah grant you success my dear and happiness. Do not forget to send us your news.

State: Haiti.

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