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Talking with the fiancée and doubting her behavior

Marwah Yusuf `Ashur

Published On: 14/11/2011 A.D. - 17/12/1432 H. Visited: 5641 times

Question

I am a young man and my fiancée is from a conservative family. Her father is strict, she almost does not get down to street, and she does not have friends.

She is a religious girl and memorizes the Qur'an. We have engaged recently, but we talk much on the phone to the extent that we got used to one another very fast and had a love story.

In the beginning of the betrothal, she was very shy to the extent that her cheeks turned into red when I said to her "I love you."

Until now, she dares not to say the word to me face to face. When I grab her hand, she shivers and her face turns into yellow.

Later, I knew that she did not know that there is a sexual intercourse between spouses after marriage and she was convinced that a wife should not uncover her hair before her husband.

When she talked with her aunt and knew the truth, she cried. We have become familiar with one another and we have a love story but one night we talked on the phone and during the conversation, she said to me that she is fully surrendered to me to do or say what I want and accepted any speech about love which she had refused before.

Of course, I refused and said to her: This is wrong and unlawful. Thereupon, she got up, offered Salah, and sought the forgiveness of her Lord.

However, one week later when I spoke to her about love and romance for a long time, she did the same and her voice became soft and said to me: I am fully surrendered to you and I want you to be by my side.

When I heard that speech, my love changed to doubt and I wanted to break up with her, especially we have not commenced marriage yet.

I tried to decrease my phone calls so as not to reach the same emotions again but she became angry because she loves me and wants to hear my voice continuously.

Could you kindly tell me what to do: Should I break up the betrothal, or continue with that terrible doubt?

Answer

Some self-development specialists advise the people to monitor their ideas before they turn into actions and monitor their actions before they turn into habits, and monitor their habits before they turn into natural dispositions that cannot be changed.

A religious and a well-mannered girl to whom you spoke immorally was changed because of you and your words turned to be actions.

You speak much because you are engaged and your speech became a habit, so this is natural and an expected result.

She was shy and refused to hear improper words when you did, then you began gradually with her until all barriers fell down then the girl accepted what she had refused before. Do you then wonder at her conditions and think that she is not the proper girl for you?!

Do you now know the danger of what you did?

In fact, I do not see anything suspicious and I think you should be more religious and stick to the Shari`ah of Allah because it has all goodness, righteousness, and the complete way of life.

Do not stay alone with the girl, do not talk to her on the phone, and do not do what Allah prohibited on you so as not to be surrounded by sins, concerns, and doubts that will turn your life into a series of anguishes and pains.

Put your trust in Allah and marry your fiancée because she is religious, and do not be a help to Satan against her and remember: You reap what you plant.

Do not surrender to doubts because doubts will destroy the human life and turn it upside down.

When you allow doubts to penetrate your life, you will not be able to get rid of them and you have to face them rationally. What made the girl ready for this and changed her? Were not your tries of seducing that poor girl the cause of what happened?

Do you deal with a girl who does not have feelings or emotions?! Of course, when she hears these words, she will be affected.

No matter how religious she is, she will get affected by the speech and will respond repeatedly.

My advice to you is: do not communicate with her in any mean until the conclusion of marriage and you should tell her that these actions and words are not permissible but after marriage.

Do not get affected by the relationships that you see around you between fiancés and fiancées and remember that these actions are not permissible, but they are stupid traditions that are not part of our religion.

Our religion is free of them, and there is no guidance except in the light of Islam.

May Allah reform your conditions, facilitate your marriage, and grant you success to lead an honorable life in the light of obeying Allah.

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