Is this a filial disobedience?

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, upon his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

Many mothers feel upset about the marriage of their sons and the cause for that is their severe love to their children and their jealousy or the fear to lose their sons neglecting them or the son's occupancy with the wife as it is the case in some societies.

I shall put for you some steps to solve the problem and you can add to it what is suitable for you:

First, exert efforts to persuade her of marriage, do not despair, and use all good styles and wise methods to explain to her your dire need to marriage in light of the seditions which encircle us.

Second, be keen to have an open dialogue with her and know the real reasons for her refusal, then try to send messages of reassurance and explain to her that you are keen to gain her approval because that will achieve your stability in the future, and make the relationship between you and her more familiar.

Third, persuasion: You may begin with persuading her such as to say: Do not you want me to complete the half of my religion as the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "When a person marries, he has complete the half of his religion, so let him fear Allah in the other half?" Ask her: What would be her feeling if her family prevented her of marrying his father? Do not you want to see your grand-children? Do not you want me to protect myself with marriage? The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." [Reported by Al Bukhari and Muslim].

Thus, you provide several questions and inducements, which address her feelings and emotions, making the barriers between you and her collapse and achieve clarity, transparency, and understanding.

Fourth, make her feel your determination to marriage and you wish that she would choose for you rather than getting someone she does not like.

Fifth, explain to her that her refusal because of your young age is wrong and traces back to her lack of awareness of young people's suffering in a time where seditions and temptations spread, and that families' stubbornness may lead to the deviation of children from the straight path.

If you see that your mother responses, praise Allah (Glory be to Him) and look for a religious wife of good manners, however if you see reluctance and rejection, go and search for a righteous girl and tell your mother in a polite way that this is the way of Allah on earth.

This will not be a filial ingratitude because obedience is only in the things which please Allah as was reported in Sahih Al Bukhari and Sahih Muslim. Marriage does not entail the approval of the mother.

As for the Prophet's saying: "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother," it is exhortation to treat her kindly and ask for her obedience in every act that does not contain an act of disobedience.

Be careful to treat her well until her fears are gone.