Puberty

Q: Is it true that puberty is a stage of loss and deviation from the Right Path?

A: No, my son. The more a person develops physically and psychologically, the more he becomes inclined to seriousness in religion as well as worldly matters. Allah nourishes this inclination as one approaches puberty. Therefore, those who get lost and deviate from the Right Path are those who reject religion and run wildly after their desires, instead.

Q: Dad, why is it that so many young men and women are leading a careless life nowadays?

A: Well, son, youth are full of energy; and if this energy is not vented in an appropriate manner, they are expected to lead a life void of morals and ideals. They will not pay the slightest attention to the outcome of their deeds. And if they do not keep their souls busy with obedience to Allah, they will definitely commit sins. However, past generations of young Muslims were so keen on keeping themselves busy with worthy commitments, such as fighting in the cause of Allah, learning and seeking knowledge, etc. Even in rural communities, where young people worked with their parents mostly as farmers and shepherds, you would not find so much carelessness because their vigor was properly utilized.

Q: Dad, why are some youth tough on their parents, and they seldom take any of their advice; they do not even show any response to it? Does this have anything to do with puberty?

A: Yes, my son. Many young people are indifferent to their elders, because they are usually self-centered at this stage. They tend to oppose whoever they think has authority over them, including their parents and teachers. Their primary concern at this stage is to establish an independent personality. They feel they have reached full manhood or womanhood and they are no longer in need of others. Therefore, everyone has to listen to whatever they say with due respect. However, what makes matters worse are two factors:

1- They lack the experience that accumulates during one's life, which is very important for developing opinions of their own.

2- Some parents treat their 'big' children as if they are still little kids. So the children feel as though they are not getting the respect they really deserve. And naturally, their response to parents' advice is usually negative.

Q: Dad, some students at this stage tend to oppose their teachers; is it for the same reasons?

A: Yes son, for the same reasons, which make school boys and girls at this stage rebel against their teachers and refuse to respond to them.

Q: You mentioned that one reason for this phenomenon is that some parents treat their 'big' children as if they are still little kids. Why do they treat them like this?

A: Some reasons are related to the children themselves, and others are related to the parents. The most important reason is that some youth enter this stage while still behaving like children, and their concerns are still childish. They are still attached to their toys. Besides, when a young man notices signs of puberty, he exaggerates his own capabilities. Therefore, his opinions may not be mature yet, and so, elderly people will treat him accordingly. A young man is so attached to his friends that he is more attentive to them than he is to his parents or teachers. Unfortunately, the advice of peer groups is not always sound.

Q: Dad, why is the behavior of the youth often characterized by rebellion and stubbornness?

A: That is because they regard such behavior as a way of impressing others and imposing their own individual characters on them.

Q: Dad, but this can have adverse consequences, can't it?

A: Of course, son. This behaviour seldom achieves its objectives. Others will often be on the aggressive, even if they are convinced of an opinion that is imposed on them.

Q: But I have seen some youth get what they want through rebellion and stubbornness.

A: That is true. They may succeed in that, but those who respond to their requests do so out of desperation. These youth may receive a limited benefit, but they lose the respect of their elders, which is more valuable than what they get.

Q: Then how can an adult convince his elders that he has become a grown up man?

A: To begin with, he has to prove to them that his lifestyle has changed by leaving behind the concerns of young children, by adopting the manners typical of grownups, and by giving elderly people the respect they deserve. He also has to prove to them that he can bear responsibility for himself by properly attending to his commitments. Only then can he propose his own opinions and expect others to listen to them. However, time is very important. That is, things should not be hurried. Finally, when some people underestimate a young person's real capabilities, he has to be patient and tolerant.