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Husband's angry and desertion to his wife

Sahar `bdul-Qadir Al Labban

Published On: 28/1/2014 A.D. - 26/3/1435 H. Visited: 6560 times

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

I thank you for this great site, invoking Allah to make it in the scale of good deeds

My problem is: I love and adore my husband, however he does not see anything special in me. He also is so doubter to a great extent, therefore I try to avoid him by all means so as not to fall under his suspicion.

By Allah, I try to maintain our relationship in secret and public but problems took place and he divorced me because of my frequent excuses. He does not like excuses and I cannot stand leaving him while he is angry.

Few days ago, we had a problem because of his talks with girls on the Internet and my voice was higher than his, so he threatened me of divorce and wanted me to go to my family until he becomes calm. I refused to go to my family and he deserted me in another room, did not eat with me, did not talk to me, and promised that the desertion shall last for a full month.

I do not know what to do? He says that he wants to discipline me because I made him angry and raised my voice to him. I tried to apologize but he did not accept my apology.

I suffer a lot because of that ill-treatment, moreover he accuses me of lying in my love to him which is not true; and I have a child from him.

He is a kind person and has many good qualities but he cannot bear anger, so what should I do with him?

Should I keep asking for his pardon or leave him until he becomes calm even if the period is so long?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Dear virtuous sister, As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

Dear sister, refusing to leave your husband while he is angry is a pleasant and acceptable matter and working on pleasing him is a required and praised matter, but everything that exceeds its limits goes the opposite way. If you had made him angry, you may ask his pardon and forgiveness once, but if he was the one who caused you harm, he should apologize and settle things down.

Dear sister, your husband loves you and is holding firm with you otherwise he would not have taken you back in marriage. So, be as he thinks; if he does not want you to persist in asking for his pardon, keep away from him and see what does he want and do it. However, if he deserts you, be patience, tolerate, and do not show humbleness to him because he shall not desert you for a long time, and shall come back to you wondering why did you stop your frequent asking for forgiveness.

He perfectly grasps your love to him, therefore he acts with you like a student in a school and punishes you while he is sure that you shall not detest or keep away from him; but you should show him the opposite by pretending indifference.

You should invoke Allah frequently in Salah to gather you closely and keep away any dispute. Ask for Allah's Forgiveness frequently, for forgiveness removes distress, brings about comfort and rest, and facilitates goodness for you.

Finally, I ask Allah (may He be Exalted) to grant you success and bring about comfort to you.

Amen!

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