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Home / Counsels

Hesitant

Mujahid Ma`mun Diraniyah

Published On: 15/1/2011 A.D. - 9/2/1432 H.   Visited: 2486 times     


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Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

 

I am a religious person who memorizes the Qur'an. My father went to ask the hand of my cousin to me. Her father said to him that he wants her to finish her study. When my mother asked for an explanation from my aunt, she told her that she does not know anything about the subject (although my aunt used to refuse many grooms for my sake and used to inform my mother of that). When she asked her husband, he told her that he is a afraid that I would deprive his daughter of any of her rights because I am a religious person. My aunt spoke to my mother about these fears and my mother was very affected to the extent that she cried because of that response. It is worth mentioning that girl is well-mannered and known for her kindness. Now I am hesitant; should I propose to her again (through my mother) after the passage of ten months; taking into consideration that I am completing the furnishment  of the house, or looking for another girl?

Answer

I do not see a problem needs to be solved, but it is something you need to take decision about.

 

First, you have to make sure that the girl is suitable for you and that matter cannot be decided except by you, however your mother can help you. Review the characteristics of your cousin in your mind and study her character well then seek the help of your mother to complete the picture and to tell you the details which you do not know because women are more capable than men to discover such matters. If you think that she is suitable for you propose to her and put your trust in Allah.

 

As for the best way to move things forward, it is of two phases:

The first method is to sit with your mother to discuss the matter with her, so she can offer her preceptions about marriage and speak to her about your personality and about the conditions you want in your future wife. The more your mother is frank with you, the more successful and continual marriage will be. After that your aunt will prepare for the suitable time to speak with her husband about marriage then the second phase begins. Your father will go to the girl's father and it is better that you go with him to clarify things. If your aunt's husband is a fraid of certain matters, you may discuss them with him and let him ask you frankly and you answer him truthfully. This meeting will be decisive and final; either you convince him and he accepts you as a husband to his daughter or he refuses you ultimately, then the case will be closed and your mother starts to look for another suitable girl.

 

Thus people are dealing with such matters. As for leaving them suspended for that long period, it is not right. It is not proper to leave such a matter indecisive for ten months.

 

Finally, I ask Allah to grant you success to marry the one whom will preserve your religion as well as your world.



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