My husband is sexless, impotent, and skeptical; should I ask for divorce?

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

Dear valued sister, welcome to Al Alukah Network, and we ask Allah (Glory be to Him) to provide you the bliss of this world and the Hereafter, rejoice your eyes with your husband, and rejoice his eyes with you.

I would like to draw your attention to an important point:

Your husband is skeptical by nature —as shown to you before marriage— but there are factors which fuel or abate this disease and that feeling. However, unfortunately, the factors of fuel are stronger than the factors of abatement, in addition, you have the four factors of fuel which are:

1- Keeping away from Allah; (Because you husband neglects Salah).

2- Difficult financial conditions.

3- Difficulty of begetting children and sexual weakness.

4- Marriage through the Internet.

These four reasons enough to ignite the fire of jealousy in the heart of a normal man, how about one who has the qualifications and the necessary preparations for doubt?!

I expect if we eliminate those four reasons, your life will change for the better —by the will of Allah— and I do not like that you leave your husband unless you have the desire for children and the husband did not tell you about his disease. In this case, you may ask for divorce for that reason but the question is: do you expect that you marry someone else when you separate from your husband?

In any case, let us discuss the causes of marital troubles and the miserable life you lead, then you can do whatever you want:

1- The husband's turning away and negligence of Salah is sufficient to turn life into unbearable hell, Allah (Glory be to Him) says: "But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e., neither believes in this Qur'ân nor acts on its teachings.) Verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection." [Surat Taha: 124], and we ask Allah for good health and safety.

Allah (Glory be to Him) says: "But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e., neither believes in this Qur'ân nor acts on its teachings.) Verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection." [Surat An-Nahl: 97].

Then, there is a big difference between drawing near to Allah and turning away from Him which you will find its effect in the world and in the Hereafter.

You should link him with Allah and draw near to Him. You can begin with him step by step, so keeping to Salah is the first step then think about some supererogatory acts of worship. It is better to search for a pious companionship while you are abroad to help you for good. Sharing pious acts with him will be encouraging to continue, and remember that the reward of guiding him will be all yours. It was reported in Sahih Al Bukhari that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides through one man, it will be better for you than the red camels." Why does a wife leave her husband indulge in the seas of sins while she can save him?!

Is not that your husband who loves you and has an upper hand on you?!

Do not let him indulge in the mud of sin.

From today on, be determined to help him keep to Salah without neglecting it. Follow all the possible means, such as listening to tapes, reading booklets about Salah, reminding him softly, and beware of mocking at him in order not to turn away from you. Know that lenience, as reported in the Hadith, adds beauty to everything and if it is taken away, it will remove every beauty from it. So, pay attention to invite the closest people to you, do not forget to supplicate Allah for him, and repeat your invocation so that Allah would answer your calls.

2- Difficult financial conditions: Many husbands are exposed to such conditions in the beginning of their marital life. These conditions may extend to some years and here shows up the role of the loyal and truthful wife not only for observing patience for the conditions of her husband but in supporting him faithfully and psychologically, reminding him of Allah, and linking between turning away from Allah with tight living standard. Smile at his face when he thinks that life is difficult, talk to him about contentment when despair possesses him.

Remind him with the favors of Allah when he forgets:

do not we walk on foot while others are disable? Do not we eat and drink from the bounty of Allah? Are not we in good health and shape in terms of sights, hearings, and hearts? It was reported in "Sunan At-Tirmidhy" that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever wakes up secure in his home, sound in body, and has the provision of his day, it is as if the entire world was gathered before him." See how many people gathered the goodness of the world, whereas they believe that they are the most miserable!

Financial conditions and circumstances change and the whole matter is in the hand of the Owner of the Kingdom. How many people were of the poorest, then Allah lifted, honored, and provided them sustenance from where they do not think. "And whosoever fears Allâh and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). * And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allâh will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allâh has set a measure for all things." [Surat At-Talaq: 2-3]. After all, the husband will remember?! How supportive his wife was by her words that spread comfort and tranquility in himself.

3- The difficulty of having children and sexual weakness: This is probably the most important thing that affects any man. He feels in every look of his wife that she describes him with impotence and sees sorrow and pain within her words because she has been afflicted with a weak husband who is unable to beget children. He conceals his concern in his heart whenever he puts his head to sleep or when he wakes up in the morning; this is his condition and this is his life. No one feels his concern because he sees men around him are able to beget children and able to achieve marital happiness, in a time he is unable to compare himself to others and believes that the wife compares.

My dear sister, imagine his feeling and put yourself in his shoes for a few moments. A man loves to be everything in his wife's concern and he becomes happy when he feels that he encompasses her with his emotions, but he has lost that with you. Soon doubts will enter into his head, filling it with bad thoughts and doubts which will increase his life hell after hell. I know you are oppressed and has no fault in all these, but he does not think that way.

Therefore, I advise you to inculcate in his mind self-confidence, the sense of contentment, and make him feel that you are proud of him as a husband, and the hope for treatment and begetting children is renewed everyday. It is enough that he is your husband and you feel safe with him; this is the way you should talk to him and this is the purport he should understand so as to satisfy himself and his eyes would rejoice.

It is better for wives who have been afflicted by skeptical husbands to ask about him frequently so as to comfort them and know that they are in frequent eagerness to them. They should seek the reward from Allah for observing patience in this case, so that Allah would turn away from him these doubts.

4- Marriage through the Internet: I will not talk in length about this point because there are trusted sites for marriage which good people manage and marriage therein is concluded properly according to the Shari`ah, but a husband feels worry and suspicious about his wife but soon all doubts are removed by the will of Allah.

A final word for you and for every wife loses marital happiness and emotional warmth, and yearns for intimacy and comfort:

Your happiness is not in the hands of your husband, just think about your conditions and see what have you done to gain intimacy.

Believe me, you have a lot to do, such as: spreading the spirit of affection at home, creating an atmosphere of fun, overlooking his gaffes, and bypassing obstacles. Let it be known that life has never been complete for anyone and every person shall take his share of happiness and misery, but the difference is in dealing with crises and calamities.

If it is not in your hand to change the situation and improve the conditions, in your hand is to accept fate with satisfaction and contentment. If the keys of sustenance are not in your hands, invocations and drawing near to Allah is in your hand.

Put your trust in Allah and seek the reward from Him, for He does not waste an iota of good and evil. How many people who have children, but children did not avail them, on the contrary, they became disaster against them in this world and in the Hereafter! How many people were deprived of paradise because of their money!

May Allah grant you success, reform your conditions, double your reward, and provide you sustenance of what you like in this world and in the Hereafter. We are so pleased to communicate with you anytime.