Rethinking Sin

“He knows what is before them and what is behind them: And to God go back all questions (for decision).”  (Quran, Surah Al-Hajj: 76)

Nobody likes to think about sin - that is, unless it is someone else’s. Even when we do think about our own sins - past and present, it is with a fleeting cringe that we hasten past. We strive to slam the door as fast and as firmly as possible on the feelings that reflections on sin evoke, feelings of shame, fear, guilt, even embarrassment. Sometimes, we even avoid thinking about a particular sin too much, lest we become driven to stop doing it. There is another way of looking at sin, however, a way that is significantly less painful, and infinitely more constructive.

Instead of hastening past the door where we try to hide and forget our sins, we can peek in - just a bit. We can even pull out one or two, and consider the fact that we have squirreled them away there in the first place. To have done that, we must have decided somewhere along the line that whatever has been done, or is still being done, is negative. That, in itself, constitutes a step of learning. With that realization, we can then ask the question, Would I do it again? If the answer is no, a resounding "No!" felt in the depths of your heart, you have learned from that sin, and, if you have earnestly asked for forgiveness from God, repented. If, on the other hand, your heart's answer is "I am still doing that thing," or "I may continue to do that thing in the future," you have not yet learned whatever lesson it is you have to learn.

A way of thinking about sin is that it is actually a weakness that holds a particular pull or attraction, an attraction that makes moving on from it particularly difficult. Many people consider this to be the real work of life-the impediment that blocks genuine peace and closeness to God.

Once you begin to quiet the outside chatter, and make room in your life for the real work to begin again, you can explore the reasons why. You can, through an honest acceptance and appraisal of your "temptations," begin to heal them.

Perhaps you promise yourself over and over that you will never backbite again, yet can't seem to stop yourself at the next juicy opportunity. Maybe you miss prayers, lie, are unkind and impatient, or don't give enough charity. Maybe you are even having an extramarital affair (yes, it does happen, and if it is you, you will neither be the first nor the last).

Whatever the vice, and they are innumerable in possibility, it is important to realize that, whatever the sin, there is a very personal reason and impetus, a real driving force within that is, for you, a particular weakness. If you can identify the weakness, you can work to change it, heal that part of you that is askew, and never return to that sin, really the behavioral symptom of a "disease in the heart" that you must heal.

It is far more constructive (and inspiring), to consider sin as an opportunity to work toward change. After all, it is encouraging to know that all of the effort, desire, and intention involved in an honest attempt toward real change is blessed by God.

Working on personal sin is a private endeavor. Contrary to popular opinion (really a legacy of a Western cultural upbringing), it isn't a good idea to share too much in the area of sin. This is between you and God. Keeping it private not only insures against a shift in focus away from God, but it also protects from the very real and unfortunate probability of gossip.

Although "working" on sin can involve everything from prayer to meditation, the simple tool of writing is extremely useful-and one of the best ways to utilize the cathartic power of writing is the time-honored journal.

A journal can be anything, even a notebook, as long as it is kept in a private place and for your eyes only. Use it to write whatever thoughts come to your mind and seem important. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, or penmanship. This is a private endeavor. If you find yourself stifled by fear of it coming into the hands of your more curious and boundary deficient family members, burn the pages after you are finished writing them. You are not writing for posterity, but only as an aid in thinking, for writing has a surprisingly effective ability to help work through uncertain and muddled thoughts. It helps us come to conclusions and realizations that somehow don't come together in thought alone.

If you have never been much of a writer this will be a new and wonderful discovery for you, and a tool you can use again and again.

Julia Cameron expresses this idea eloquently in her book, The Right to Write, where she says:

Writing is a spiritual housekeeper. ... No matter how secular it may appear, writing is a spiritual tool. We undertake it solo, and not to be facile with puns, it is worth noting that the word does have the word, "soul" embedded in it. Moving alone onto the page, we often find ourselves companioned by higher forces, by a stream of insights and inspirations that seem somehow "other" than our routine thinking.

In addition to writing whatever comes to you, make a list of any bad things you have done in the past, but now know with a certainty that you would never again be tempted to do. Remember this is all private and not meant to be shared (this may be one page you may wish to burn or otherwise destroy).

When you finish writing, one of the most cathartic things you can do is to offer a prayer for forgiveness. With that, you can feel genuinely good knowing you have repented and learned from those mistakes, as well as feel hopeful in the forgiveness of God. You can actually begin to view those mistakes as stepping stones that have marked the way on your journey to who you are today.

In this vein Machaelle Small Wright writes in her book, Behaving as if the God in All Life Mattered, I offer this search for the spiritual thread in my life as an example for you to use when looking back into your own life. I can't adequately express how each event was built on top of the previous ones, creating a pattern of oneness, wholeness. I saw the light of synthesis. The result has been more and more I don't look back in anger and disappointment-instead, I look, back in gratitude, even celebration.

This is not to suggest that we celebrate our mistakes. As Muslims, we believe sin is a thing to be mourned. But, in looking back over our lists of sins, we can say, "I learned this." We can reconstruct the mistakes and resulting lessons gleaned from those mistakes and see how those lessons have built up to create the person we are today. Listing "repented sins" is a great tool that opens a window into the ways you have been transformed over the years. It also gives you a hint of the path you can continue to take toward "the straight-way" during the time you have on this earth.

To move on to the next step, and make a list of un-repented sins, is significantly more difficult, but it is important not to avoid it due to depression or a sense of defeat. After all, if you have a bad feeling about some of the things you are doing now in your life, you are moving in the right direction. Further, writing them down does not make the sin any more real than it already is (as opposed to talking about them), and it also opens up the possibility of using the sword of awareness to write them down, and out of your life.

Remember, this too is extremely private. If you know you will share your list with someone else, you will, by nature, self-edit. Leaving something out only shortchanges yourself.

Listing and exploring the real reasons behind your desire to commit a particular sin is at the least, illuminating, and at the best, transforming.

The following is an example of this exercise:

 I backbite

Reasons:

I am jealous

I try to fit in by going along with the conversation

I am not satisfied with myself

I am insecure

I am bored

I have friends who draw me in

I am angry

Possible solutions (free write):

1. Why am I jealous of that person? Explore this in a journal. Do I feel it gives me more power to tear her down?

2. Am I around people that backbite a lot? Who are those people? Why am I friends with them? How can I deal with it when they start backbiting?

3. I am not satisfied with myself. Why am I jealous or insecure about myself? What is missing in my life?

4. How can I get away from boredom (a factor that often plays a part in my temptation to backbite). What positive thing can I start in my life that would give me some joy? What do I love to do? How can I do that?

5. How can I weed through friends? Do I really need to be friends with them? What people bring out the best in me? Who brings out the worst? Who am I happiest with and why?

6. Why am I angry? What is it that is causing me such dissatisfaction and disharmony? When you begin to understand why you are continually tempted by a stubborn sin, its very temptation seems to weaken. You may even find that, God willing, the next time you are doing whatever it is that you find difficult to change, you will discover the payoff to be significantly less satisfying, perhaps for the first time. In this, like in so many other areas of life, the old cliche is true knowledge is power. With honest self-knowledge, avoiding sins will become less of a struggle involving willpower, and instead, armed with honest awareness, the appeal of the particular sin simply fades away.

That said, today is a beautiful, sunny day. I look outside, and a gentle breeze beckons. I think it's time to grab a pen and a notebook, head to the swing under the gigantic cedar tree in my backyard, and work on my own list. I, once and for all, must uncover why those Rice-Crispy treats are so dam tempting.