Etiquettes of dealing with joy and grief

Whoever claims permanent joy and happiness he is either a liar or heedless or he is one of those about whom the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "But when He takes him over, He never releases him."

In contrast, whoever claims that he lives in a permanent grief and concern he is either denying or ingrateful about blessings that may be removed if he does not thank Allah for.  "And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: "If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allâh), I will give you more (of My Blessings)." [Surat Ibrahim: 7].

A Muslim should know the meaning of joy and grief and that they are emerging from his understanding of the afflictions and blessings of Allah. He may also ponder over Allah's Saying:  "No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al-Lauh Al-Mahfûz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allâh. * In order that you may not grieve at the things that you fail to get, nor rejoice over that which has been given to you. And Allâh likes not every prideful boaster."[Surat Al Hadid: 22 - 23].

Of the attributes of the Most Gracious' Servants is:

"And those who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes)."[Surat Al Furqan: 67].

I think that the meaning of non-extravagance broads to encompass the meaning of no exaggeration in joy or sadness; moderation in all matters is good. Of good qualities is that a man should refer the joy which he feels to the success and mercy of Allah  moreover a person should refer all sadness which befell him to his sins and that Allah (may He be Exalted) afflicted him to save him from the torment of the Hereafter which is incomparable with the torment of the world, or it is an affliction by which Allah tests him to lift his ranks in Paradise. So, the life of man should contain both grief and joy and all he has to do is to deal politely in all conditions. Gratefulness is the due thanking of blessings and the polite response for these blessings. A person should not claim that these blessings are done by his own efforts, and should remember Allah's Saying:

"When harm touches man, he calls to Us (for help); then when We have (rescued him from that harm and) changed it into a favor from Us, he says: "Only because of knowledge (that I possess) I obtained it." Nay, it is only a trial, but most of them know not!"[Surat Az-Zumar: 49].

The polite response in grief is to observe patience as generous people are not as wicked people, moreover the one who observes patience should know that he shall have incomparable reward which Allah promised him in His Saying:

"Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: Truly! To Allâh we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. * They are those on whom are the Salawât (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who receive His) Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones." [Surat Al Baqarah: 156 - 157].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)said:"How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him."

So, we find that one of the signs of faith as was reported in the Hadith is showing gratefulness for blessings and observing patience for afflictions and calamities.

The world was not created for comfort and enjoying the blessings but it is only for trial and affliction; moreover some blessings are just afflictions that man cannot realize. Allah (may He be Exalted) says:

"And We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good."[Surat Al Anbiya': 35].

So, evil is clear and observing patience is easy in contrast to considering goodness as affliction if a person does not thank Allah for it. `Umar ibn Al Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "We were afflicted by harm and we observed patience, and we were afflicted by things which please us but we did not thank Allah for."

We hope to understand why life was created and it is not a difficult matter to recognize. Allah (Glory be to Him) says: And I (Allâh) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone). [Surat Az-Zariyat: 56]. All we have to do is to learn the meaning of worship and how to be servants for Him as He wanted. We can find in the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him), his biography, and the biography of the Four-Guided Caliphs a good example to follow so that we may win in the Hereafter. However, if we are faced by difficulties and pains in this world, let it be known that the reward of Allah is so dear and deserves a lot of efforts.

This is a call for moderation in expressing our feelings because although they are a disposition, but Allah explained to us how to be moderate while dealing with these feelings and how to deal politely with Allah by accepting His Destiny to win His Reward.