If you have young children or teen, you are in the list of families that do not stop complaining of the fights of children and their endless quarrels, which usually disturb the whole family, but do you know that children's fights bring benefit to them?!
That was confirmed by experts of education; where they say: Fights develop children's social skills and make them more able to cope with life in the future; provided that parents deal with these quarrels consciously and intelligently.
Some families deal with these fights with complete ignorance, punishing both sides, taking the side of one of the two quarrelling sides, or preventing them from doing any mutual interest that may lead to troubles.
So, what is the most positive method in dealing with the quarrels of children?
When and how should parents intervene?
Is the relationship between parents affect the relationship of children?
Jealousy and selfish:
Dr. Iman Sharif —an expert in the National Center for Social and Criminological Research confirms that quarrels among children are normal and should not lead to the disturbance of the family, especially if the reasons of disagreement are natural caused by differences in tendencies and desires; such as: the dispute over watching TV, or the way of playing, or something of the like. In this case, parents should not intervene, and leave the scene to the children to solve their problems by themselves; if they managed to do so, it will be positive which would develop their social skills, as quarrels increase the link between children and strengthen their mutual understanding. However, if the matter develops to physical harm, in this case parents should intervene provided that to be just.
Dr. Iman adds: "If the reasons of disagreement caused by jealousy or selfishness, they require a pause from the parents to review the way by which they raised up their children. If they prefer one to the other because he is more excellent or obedient, here the reason, which may cause these fights, shall be more aggressive because of the hatred in their hearts. She points out that the responsibility here lies on the parents who use the differentiation policy and they should give up the policy of comparisons which do not benefit. It is necessary to highlight the good characteristics of the side which feels oppression and numerating his qualities until he trusts himself and there will be a room for jealousy. Treating children equally may reduce their selfishness which is a prophetic method that the Prophet (peace be upon him) established hundreds years ago when he commanded us to equalize among children even in kisses. Hence, if the parents could achieve these steps, there will be no need to feel annoyed by theses quarrels.
Dr. Safiyya Effat, professor of psychiatry, agrees to this vision and adds: "Children only reflect the dealings of their parents. If the parents in their disagreement depend on loud voices and excessive nervousness, the fights of the children will be the same, then cries which disturb the parents will dominate forcing the parents to intervene to settle the dispute nervously. Thus, the problem gets more complicated as it increases the gap among the children." She pointed out that the best way to resolve the conflict is either to ignore them it these quarrels are simple or conscious intervention of parents if the problem gets worse, which is embodied in having patience with them. Then creating a dialogue that enables each party to express its emotions and what annoys it from one another or what it wants from the other because this method would reduce differences and strengthen the relationship between the children.
Dr. Safiyyah confirms that the difference of sexes is one of the causes that lead to fights among children where each one has his own interests and inclinations that differ from the other. This requires that parents provide the needs of each side without distinction. Moreover, it is necessary to intervene justly to solve disputes taking into account the individual differences among them.
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