I am a girl who is 25 years old. I live with my mother, my brothers, and my stepfather because my parents have been separated 13 years ago, and my mother was married to her current husband one year after her divorce.
After a while from my mother's marriage, my stepfather started to bother me by some actions such as exposing his private parts before me where no body can see him but me.On my part, I pretend not to see these actions as if I was heedless. Days passed and I fed up, and I informed my mother about what he was doing and I deliberately narrated that in his presence. When he heard me telling this, he got embarrassed and apologized for me.
Years had passed and he did not repeat his actions but sometimes he looked at me in an uncomfortable way.
However, three months ago, he repeated the same action again and exposed his private parts before me and tried to draw my attention to look at them (He has become bolder and more impudent). Since then, I stopped talking to him or even greeting him and when he greets me, I do not return the greeting. In the beginning, he tried to speak to me but I refused and did not give him the chance to speak.
Now, he stopped talking to me or even greeting me, but the problem is I am feeling uncomfortable with him because we are living in the same houseand I cannot live with a person with whom I feel uncomfortable.
I did not tell my mother so as not to bother heror hurt her feelings because she all I care for.
As for my stepfather, I do not care for him at all.
It is worth mentioning that my stepfather is a kind man and loves to help us doing many things and treats me and my brothers nicely, but his actions make me hate him.
What do you think, and with what you advise me?
Thank you, and I am waiting for the answer.
As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
Dear sister, in the beginning, I would like to congratulate you on your strength in fighting the attempts of your stepfather and that resistance had a good effect in stopping him for all these years. We also say: Praise be to Allah that his actions were limited to sexual harrassment and did not exceed to sexual touches or even more because then the problem will be bigger and psychologically will be more difficult to you. From your speech, I could figure out that he fears that his actions are exposed because he apologized for them then stopped what he was doing when you informed your mother for the first time. This is the attitude of such crowd people who fear that their actions be exposed before others, therefore they commend their victims that the matter should be a secret between them otherwise they will harm or kill them.
Dear sister, your strong attitude contributed in stopping him, so praise be to Allah for that and continue in fighting him, but you have to be sure that he does not harm your younger sisters, perhaps he is harrassing them while they are silent and afraid. Moreover, avoid wearing anything that may arouse his sexual instinctsuch as short or tight clothes, and it is better to wear long and baggy clothes so as to be comfortable and escape his suspecious looks. Be careful to lock your room with the key while you are asleep and avoid sitting with him alone in the house so as not to find yourself in a critical position with him. Let your greeting be limited to greeting and shaking hands without kisses or huges, but if he does any action again, threaten him that you will expose his matter and inform your mother or anyone you are sure that he gets afraid of until he is detered. If you could awake his religious side through audio tapes speaking about the impact of adultery or sin on a Muslim, or in any other way, it will be betterand in order to protect him from the insinuation of Satan.
You have mentioned that he is kind with you and with your brothers, so the seed of goodness exist within him, so it just needs care and concern and it will turn into a fruitful tree.
Dear sister, you did not tell us how was the reaction of your mother when you told her about his actions for the first time?
What about your father and what is your connection with him? Do you see him? Is your relation with him strong or weak? Can you move to live with him so as to protect yourself from your stepfather?
If you are able to live with him, do it for a while as if you desire to spend some time with him and for fear of your mother's anger, tell him that he should ask her that, and when you move with him, see how life will be. Living with your father will provide you security, stability, and comfort more than living with your mother, but if you find it uncomfortable to live with him, move back to your mother and do as I advised you.
Finally, do not let these things affect your life or your future or even cause a complex or a bad effect on you, but overcome it and continue success, and persistent on achieving your dreams and goals.
Keep to the morning and the evening Adhkar and immune yourself with Ruqyah before going to sleep and in everytime so that Allah would protect you from the evils of humans and jinns. Furthermore, supplicate Allah with a sincere and attentive heart to grant you a righteous husband who protects you and makes it up for you, for He is All-Able over everything.