He Was Patient with His Wives

Allah, the Glorified and Exalted has described His beloved Messenger with the words:

“Now has come unto you a Messenger from amongst yourselves; it grieves him that you should perish; ardently anxious is he over you; to the Believers he is most kind and merciful. But if they turn away, say: Allah is enough for me; there is none worthy of worship other than He; in Him is my trust; He the Lord of the Throne [of Glory] Supreme!” [Qur’an, Surah At-Taubah: 128]

The qualities of mercy, kindness, and leniency in the prophet’s personality are best exhibited in his relationship with his wives and these can be seen in the following examples:

It is narrated by Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) “Every night the Prophet’s wives used to gather in the house of the wife whose turn it was. Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her) entered A’ishah’s (may Allah be pleased with her) house and the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) extended his hand, so A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: She is Zaynab. So the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) closed his fist, and both (wives) began arguing until their voices became very loud. Abu Bakr, who was passing by, heard them and said: I feel like throwing dirt in their mouths. The time for prayer approached, so they the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) got up and left without saying anything to her, but Abu Bakar came back and scolded  'A'ishah  (may  Allah  be  pleased  with  her).” [1]

The Prophet's (Peace and blessings be upon him) patience and kindness can be seen in the way he treated his wives here.  Even  though  they  were  arguing  with  each other  in  front  of  him,  he  did  not  rebuke  them. 

An-Nawawi   says regarding   this:

'I feel  like  throwing  dirt  in their  mouths'   is an exaggerated expression  to scold  them  and  make  them  stop  arguing.  Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) should  be recognized  for having  the compassion and  desire  to make  peace  between  the two  women,  and  the hadith[2] shows even more merit on the Prophet's (Peace and blessings be upon him)  part for trying to make  peace  between  the wives  (by refraining  from  saying anything).’[3]

According to a hadith narrated by 'Urwah, ‘A'ishah   (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The wives of Allah’s Messenger were in two groups. One group consisted  of 'A'ishah,  Hafsah,  Safiyah and Sawdah,  whilst the other group  consisted  of  Umm  Salamah  and  the  rest  of  the wives.  The Muslims knew that the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) loved 'A'ishah, so if anyone wanted to give a gift to him, he would delay it until the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) was  in  'A'ishah's home,  and  then  he  would  send  his  gift  to  the Prophet  (Peace and blessings be upon him) there. The group of Umm Salamah discussed  this issue with each  other  and decided  to send  Umm  Salamah  to the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him), requesting  him to ask the people  to send  their gifts to him in whichever  wife's  house he was. Umm Salamah spoke to him about it, but he did not reply to her. When the wives in her group asked Umm Salamah about it, she said: He did not say anything to me. They told her to try again, so she spoke to him again when he came to her house on her day, but he still did not reply to her. When they asked her, she told them that he had given no reply. They said to her: Keep asking him till he gives you a reply. Hence,  when it Was her tum,  she talked to  him  again,  and  he  replied   saying:  Do  not  hurt  me  regarding 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), as the  revelation  does not  come  to me on the bed  of any other woman other than  'A'ishah.  Upon hearing this, Umm Salamah said:  I repent to Allah for hurting you.  Then  the  group  of  Umm Salamah called Fatimah,  the Prophet's  daughter,  and sent her to him, with the message that his wives were requesting  him to treat them and the  daughter  of Abu  Bakr  on equal  terms.  Fatimah conveyed   this message to him.  The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said to Fatimah:  Don't you love whom I love? She replied in the affirmative, and went back and told the wives about this. They requested her to go back to him again, but she refused. Then they sent Zaynab bint Jahsh to him, who went and spoke harshly, saying:  Your wives request you to treat them and the daughter of Abu Quhafah on equal terms.  Whilst  saying  this,  she raised her voice  and turned  to  'A.'ishah,  who  was  sitting  there,  and insulted her so much that the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) looked at 'A'ishah to see if she would retort. 'A'ishah then answered Zaynab back until she had silenced her. The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) looked at 'A'ishah and said: She is truly Abu Bakr’s daughter."[4]

In this  hadith,  the Prophet  (Peace and blessings be upon him) was  not  being  unjust  to his other wives on behalf  of  'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her). What his Companions did, they did because they honoured 'A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) due to the Prophet's love for her. As for the Prophet's   attitude  towards  his wives,  it was based  on patience  and kindness,  without  being  harsh  with  them,  or scolding  them  for  daring  to bring  this  up  with  him.[5]

Ibn 'Abbas  (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated:  “I spent an entire year, hesitating  to ask 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) about  the two women  Who had assisted  each other against  the Prophet  (Peace and blessings be upon him),   because  I was  afraid  of him.  One day he dismounted his riding animal and went among the trees of Arak to answer the call of nature. When he returned, I asked him about it, and he replied:  'A'ishah and Hafsah.”

'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) added: We never gave any importance to women in the days of ignorance,[6] but after the advent of Islam, and upon seeing that Allah Himself mentioned them, we realized that they also have rights upon us. However, we still did not allow them to interfere in our affairs. Once there was a dispute between me and my wife, and she answered back to me in a loud voice. I said to her: Strange! You have come this extent?'  She said: You are saying this to me, whilst your own daughter replies to Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) in the same way.

Therefore, I went to Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her) and said to her: I warn you not to disobey Allah and His Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him). Then I went to Dunn Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) and told her the same.  She, however, replied to me, saying:  O 'Umar!  It surprises me to see that you keep interfering in our affairs so much so that you are now meddling into the personal affairs of the Prophet and his wives.  Hence, she rejected my advice.

There  was a man amongst  the Helpers,[7] with whom  I had an arrangement,  that whenever  he was absent and I was with the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him), I would tell him about what had happened  that day, and when I was  absent  and  he  was  present,  he  would  tell me  about  what  had happened.   At  that  time,   all  the  rulers   of  the  nearby   lands  had surrendered  to the Prophet  (Peace and blessings be upon him) except  the Syrian  King of Ghassan, from whom we feared an impending  attack. All of a sudden, that man from the Helpers came and said: A catastrophe has occurred!  I asked him: What is it? Has the Ghasani (King) come? He said: Worse than that! Allah's Messenger has divorced his wives!  I went to see and heard the sound of crying coming from the houses of all of the wives. I was told that the Prophet had ascended to an upper room of his. At the door of that room, there was a slave to whom I went and said: Seek the Prophet's (Peace and blessings be upon him) permission to allow me to enter. He allowed me in, and I went in to see that the Prophet was lying on a mat. The mat had left an imprint on his side. Under his head was a leather pillow stuffed with palm fibers. There were some hides hanging there and some grasses used for tanning.  I mentioned  to him what I had said to Hafsah  and  Umm  Salamah,  and  the reply  that  Umm  Salamah  had given  to me.  Upon hearing it, Allah's Messenger laughed.  He (Peace and blessings be upon him) stayed there for twenty-nine days and then came down.”[8]

Notice the magnificent patience that the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) displayed in this issue.  When  'Umar's wife retorted  to her husband over some issues,  'Umar took it as a great offence;  yet the Prophet's wives were  used  to  answering   him  back,  arguing   with  him  and having  discussions   with  him,  and  he  would  calmly  listen  to  them without  denying   them  this  indulgence. This shows the humility, mercy, and kindness with which he dealt with his wives.  In fact, he was so kind and patient with his wives that they would talk back to him and abandon him until night came, but he would remain patient and forgiving with them.

It is narrated by Nu'man ibn Basheer (may Allah be pleased with him):

“Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) came and sought permission to enter the Prophet's house. He heard 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) raising her voice over that of the Prophet's. After being  permitted,  he  entered,  got  hold  of her,  and said: O daughter of Umm Rooman,  why are you raising  your voice over that of the Messenger of Allah?  The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) intervened and prevented him from hitting his daughter. When Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) left, the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) consoled her and said: Did you see how I saved you from him? After a while, Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) returned, sought permission to enter, and this time he saw the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) joking and laughing with 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her). Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) said:  O Messenger of Allah, allow me to be part of your peace, just as you have allowed me to be part of your conflict”[9]

This  is  where  many  people  mistakenly   think  that  life  after marriage  is like a little heaven  for the two spouses,  where not even a shadow   of  problems and  conflicts   could   appear.   In reality, the opposite is true, and Allah's way is to test humankind through many different kinds of trials:

“He Who  created  Death  and Life,  that He may  try which  of you is best  in deed;  and  He  is the  Exalted  in  Might,  Oft-Forgiving” (Qur'an, Surah Al-Mulk, 67: 2)

Furthermore, the patience of the Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) can also be seen through this hadith.

“The Prophet was sent some food (by one of his other wives, whilst he was in ‘A’ishah’s house). ’A'ishah came and struck the hand of the servant, which caused the dish to fall and break, (spilling the food on the floor). The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) gathered the broken pieces of the dish, collected in them the remnants of the spilt food, and said to those present: Eat, your mother became jealous, your mother became jealous.”

This hadith serves as a good reminder for us all, teaching us how the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) used to interact with his wives. May Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him), and upon all of his family and Companions.