A man searching for happiness

A man searching for happiness

An imaginary story:

thousands of people die every day by some way or another; die in their beds, at wars, at work place, in streets, in robbery operations. But, have these people once asked themselves about whether they know who they are or not before death opens its door and force them to enter? where they were and where they are going to and who is going to justify them and take revenge instead. Some thinkers express these questions in simple words: where from? Where to? And why? Meaning: where did I come from? Where am I going? And why am I here? Alas! To die in such way, spend your whole life vainly doing what you have done, achieving what you have achieved and could not spend an iota of your efforts to realise the most important secret in your life; who are you? Who am I? What is more, who are we? It is atrocious that many do not know themselves believing it is not necessary to search for them. For them what is important is that they exist. So why should they search for themselves? and they search, how should they do so?

Your name and your physical appearance - body- do not reflect who you are. A person gets scared when ponders about his self, namely which reflects his reality: his outside appearance or his soul. Have a look at the mirror, look at your face, at your form, does your image reflect who you are, absolutely not: appearances are susceptible to change by time or some accidents, so who are you? In our culture and current societies if we want to define a person we use his photo believing it is really sufficient, but the reality is that the person still completely ignorable except his outside cover that it has nothing to do with this since it is transitory, volatile and changeable. Therefore, the self is the only suitable entity to define who we are. Knowing who is a human being is attained through one’s impacts in life: his movements, dealings with people, his marriage, divorce and even after living a long period of life, then we start realizing who that person is. Is it behaviors define ?! no one can aver. Once a witness came to Omar ibn Alkhattab to give his attestation in one issue. Omar told him “I do not know you, go and fetch someone who knows you so as to support your witness” the man brought a friend. Omar said to this person “do you know him”, the man answered “yes”. Omar: “did you travel with him”. The man: No. Omar: “did you trade with him”, again: No. Omar: “maybe you have seen him praying in the mosque”. The man: yes. Omar turned his face addressing the person who brought this person to support his witness and said: “this person does not know you, go and fetch someone else who knows who you are”.

 

The lesson we learn from Omar’s speech is that self is the reality of human being, it is uncovered and exposed through daily life actions and interactions then through the self we become aware of some of its effects which set us content or not. The complete awareness of others’ selves is impossible. As to our own selves the issue is something deferent, we allege that we are aware of ourselves, this is not true. We just realize some characteristics of ourselves for instance our weakness or just little of our weakness. We all pretend that if we had an amount of money, we would build schools, hospitals, help the poor and do whatever could benefit humanity. Some luckily become rich as wished and break such promises they used to give. The question is, are they liars? Definitely not, they are not, but they did not know their selves!

 

The following was what said as an expression of the uncertainty about the purpose of life:

I came not knowing from where, but I came.
And I saw a pathway in front of me, so I walked.
And I will remain walking, whether I want this or not.
How did I come? How did I see my pathway?
I do not know!
Am I new or am I old in this existence?
Am I free and unrestrained, or do I walk in chains?
Do I lead myself in my life, or am I being led?
I wish I know, but…
I do not know!
And my path, oh what is my path? Is it long or is it short?
Am I ascending in it, or am I going down and sinking?
Am I the one who is walking on the road,
or is it the road that is moving?
Or are we both standing, but it is the time that is running?
I do not know!
Before I became a full human, do you see
if I were nothing, impossible? Or do you see that I was something?
Is there an answer to this puzzle, or will it remain eternal?
I do not know ... and why do I not know??
I do not know!

 

 

 

 Jeffery, who lives in Nepal, decided to find happiness wherever it lies. Once, in a very cold winter, he told his wife Natalia to awake him at dawn. Natalia: “Dear husband, I feel that something is not okay! What’s going on Jeffery?” Jeffery interrupted: “Oh! Darling, you know that I do love you, hence; I’m really afraid because your smile becomes faded. Therefore; I’m taking a journey at dawn searching for happiness for you, that’s the simple thing I may give you in this earthly existence.” “Jeffery, you know that I need you here beside me, but … if you’re single-minded, just, listen to what my grand-father said: ‘my grandmother used to tell us many stories about those who were miserable in their whole life and searched for happiness in the highest mountain “Everest” but non-of them come back and says I’m really happy!” Dear, I feel that happiness exists at the peak, why not there! Go and find it for us both.” Natalia said.

 

Natalia awoke up her husband at dawn, exactly as he recommended. Jeffery took his rope, carabineers, quick draws, helmet, climbing shoes, belay gloves and other equipment. He had a long look at his wife’s eyes, Natalia couldn’t bear, then she burst crying. Jeffery pushed himself away smashing the door behind in an attempt to understand the secrets of life. 

 

After two hours of walking on foot, Jeffery becomes in front of the Mount Everest for the first trial. Jeffery says inwardly: “on the top everything would be outstanding, everything would be obvious; the beauty of the sky, laws of life and ultimately what happiness means in its broad sense”.

 

As Natalia was impatiently waiting her husband to come back home fulfilling his promise as soon as possible, Jeffery was in the middle of the mountain trying vigorously to keep on. He kept climbing even at night, he didn’t want to waste even one minute till he is on the peak. Abruptly, something wrong took place! You know what! One of his legs slipped while he was climbing!... For his luck; the rope is a life saver, he is unsettled in the air. “Now what’s to do? What’s the solution?” Jeffery thought.

 

In such case of being helpless and powerless, a weird voice came from the sky saying: “I’m God, do you believe in me?!” Jeffery is stunned, startled. He looked up and responded as he was shivering “Yesss, I dooo”. The voice again: “If sooo, cut the rope!!!” what a plight! Is it believable! who dares to throw himself purposefully from the top of a mountain but an insane. Jeffery hates such intersections. He has never had such ordeal. Is Jeffery so enough faithful and brave to submit to the voice? Or his faith is not so strong to apply such terrible test. Jeffery is really in crossroads.

 

It was morning when a hovercraft was soaring around the Mount Everest. Jeffery’s body is still hanged; he didn’t dare to cut the rope. Unfortunately, Jeffery is dead, his soul passed away, how comes? because of bitter cold! Was the voice his salvation?

 

The long search journey which Jeffery took is actually all people’s journey that with no exception ought to go through asking themselves some decisive questions that keep digging in one’s mind from time to time as long as remained without serious research and dared answers and most importantly the seeker must be armed with sincerity while dissecting the self, inner entity; our reality.  These questions should be once bravely answered without fair of change so as to free human being from depression, emptiness and live an eternal tranquil life.

 

It’s the self that Jeffery had unconsciously tried to find at the end of his journey, the sooner he faces the self, the sooner happiness emerges. Alas! He failed, he wasn’t enough confident in seeking the truth of the human inside him; which prerequisites being stripped from all forms of fancies and influences. When attained, it releases the self.

 

Thus, it’s fair to reveal that it’s really a hard search with a long rugged road but for Jeffery’s son, it’s not. He is so curious, don’t care being changed if for the sake of truth, don’t care about how the truth would be like or looks like if it is what it is. For Tony, any ignorance could be forgiven except for a person to be ignorant about the secrets of his entity, his existence. Tony sat at his dark room putting his hands on his cheeks pondering his next move: “Whose power is this that brought us, earth and universe into existence? What was before us long ago? And what is expected to be waiting us long after? Namely after death”.

 

Now, Toney is self-determined to follow in his father’s footsteps and attain what his father couldn’t; happiness in its deep essence. He is now armed with sincerity: if you are not honest in what you are doing expect failure and defeat. He is eagerly waiting to look for happiness.

How does she look like? As expected from any wife loses her husband; Natalia is really broken, she kept blaming herself for what happened to her husband.

 

It’s dinner time; under the light of one candle they both had a conversation. Natalia addressing her son Tony while could not bear her tears: “son… verily I feel lost, I’m spent, please stay beside me, don’t leave me as your father did”. “Mom, Mom please don’t cry, you are not aware that I’m aware of your despair, try not to cry, mom, you are not alone I’ll stand by you. For me this path that my father walked on, is the only correct way!!!” Tony says.

 

Despite being younger he is very smart, likes loneliness and meditation attempting to understand the intricacies of life exactly like an aged wise philosopher.

 

Natalia is astonished after these meaningful words. “Who told you so!!!? Son”. Tony “hmm… actually, mom…I’ve found my father’s dairy in his clothes, he wrote his last words before leaving this world”. Natalia wondered: “what was it about? What did he say? What… what…?” Tony responded: “he wrote about something he heard, it was very strange: he stated that he couldn’t really figure out what it was while being hanged with the rope; was it a voice? Was it a feeling? was it a voice comes from the cloud or from within inside him, who knows? This seemingly incited father to cut the rope throwing himself down the mountain, his salvation in it but father didn’t incline, he was not trust enough.” He added, but this time addressing his ego: “a cave we fair to enter holds lots of treasure we seek. Unfortunately, father couldn’t realize that. I wish he had been able!”

 

Natalia: “what are you thinking about? You seem mind-absent” Tony: “Mother, you know, a shepherd who browses sheep, this person sometimes takes a stone throwing it over an astray sheep that moved apart from the flock and which may harm it. Is he right or wrong? What do you think?” Natalia said confidently: “Absolutely right; the stray sheep becomes a prey and may perish”. Tony: “okay mom, it’s now distinguishable”.

 

Natalia realized through her instinct that happiness is inside, emerges from within, so the journey for her had to be started from knowing ourselves, who are we? Does it make sense to be happy while still ignoring our origins, our purpose in this well-structured planet and the ultimate destination?! Really, it does not; we cannot live at persistent peace and in a quite serenity while ignoring the source of selves which is the same source of our happiness. Natalia started her own journey of introspection not only from her own small house but from her own heart. She feels called to use her logic, reasoning, intellect and reflection. More than any time before, both mother and her son are determined to have a search journey; each one on his own.

 

Tony decided to head for the Mount Everest while Natalia decided to starts her journey from her heart inside her house.

 

Tony whispers addressing his ego “I know I’m waiting something to happen to me, this waiting comes with real challenges; life is one mystery, nothing in it is free, coincidence has nothing to do. I wish that somehow, I would be told out aloud that another day I’ll be okay. But we’ll never know because that’s not the way it works”

 

Only one year later after Jeffery’s death, Tony says: “It’s time to take my father’s way but differently. I feel, I am in this life like being locked in my dark room with my hands tied, with my eyes covered, my ears blocked and my mouth gagged, I’m like that for twenty years in that room, it’s time to free myself”.

 

At dawn, Tony took his equipment, the same as his father did, heading for Mount Everest. He says honestly and with complete confidence. “Oh! GOD if you’re there, if happiness is there, help me find my way. Show me right from wrong, I know the road is long, but please make me strong, oh GOD! Help me to focus on truth instead of the trials, help me trust in Your power instead of my plan”.

 

After two hours of walking on foot, Tony reached the Mount where his father died. Would he die, too? Would his leg have slipped as well? No one foretells. He is face to face with the Mount Everest. Tony is confused, he raises his hear measuring how this mountain is high; it is the highest mountain on this planet, it is really challenging and frightening. His ears heard a voice says ‘this is the way, walk in it, follow it’.

“Oh! My God what is this? Am I hallucinating? Am I well? Am I hearing with my body ears or the self ears, Oh God show me the right way”. Tony used all his physical efforts to climb, he is backed up with his inflamed desire to reach the peak and achieve salvation; Salvation from being lost, from being ignorant of what the destination is and what the source is, too.

 

On the other hand, Natalia begins her special journey as well. She says: “Taking a different and simple path does not mean that I would be lost. I don’t expect anyone to understand my journey except the One who is going to grant me happiness; the One whom I’m searching for in me, in the self. Now I realize that my mind knows only some things, but my instinct, my inner voice knows everything. If I had listened to what I had known instinctively, it would have led me to the right path. Just having a look on the accurate movement of this gigantic universe; from my spot it indicates to a perfect Being who’s behind everything, behind my happiness , even happiness of all humankind. If the universe was immovable, dead, then searching for the source of things would be impossible, but everything moves from atoms to galaxies, from the smallest thing to the biggest thing”. She senses that such realization does not need modern technologies nor depth studies but rather sincerity and taking the action after, she realized that she has only to search for God and He would find her. She understood that it is absurd that she is searching for Him and he knows but letting her astray. She recognized that God, the source of happiness, is not tested but tests us in order not to know, He already knows, but to expose our reality and uncover our truth to us since then we know ourselves, who we are and be convinced that we did what we have done that we are not unjustified, that God is Fair.

 

Tony managed to reach the peak; he is now on Mount Everest. What was it meant to find happiness? It’s not concrete! Happiness cannot be caught or touched. It’s felt, it is understood. Happiness is an awareness. Tony to himself as he moves around “I have to open my heart and open my mind, and open my eyes to see, open my eyes and see the existence of what's surrounding me, it’s more than just chance, its more than just coincidence. Ooh!! Tony, look around and see the earth, the moon, the sun and the sky, a beautiful creation, so how could you deny? ‘Tony’ Lift your head and look up above and you will see the truth so clearly, look at the stars that glitter all around, look at the birds that fly over me, could not you see the rain fall from the sky, could not you see how a seed becomes a tree. Tony, lift the veil from your heart, Worship the creator and you will succeed, you surely will be happy. I have to open my eyes and see the perfection of what is surrounding me, it is more than just chance, it’s more than just coincidence. The air that people breathe, the food that people need, the plants and the trees, the sun and the seas, you and me, everything you see, so how could you ‘Tony’ deny? The reality is that there was no life, because; how can you have life if you have no purpose. I feel now like some removed the blind fold from my eyes ... it is like somebody opened the door of that dark room I was setting in, they took the cotton wall from my ears, they removed my gag and I could hear and see everything clearly”.

 

Tony in such wild nature falls on his knees shouting loudly as he cries: “Mother if you are here! If stones could speak, if you know … Oh! Seekers of happiness, Oh! Searchers of inner peace, Oh! Dwellers of this unique planet; Earth, Oh! You, who are searching for a glimpse of hope to understand the meanings of life, to all those who feel astray in the labyrinthine of this gloomy universe, which is beyond perception, which has no boundaries and seek the truth of existence wherever it is, to those who search for a cure to their souls that keep screaming loudly from within, to the searchers of inward contentment and eternal happiness come to the peak, come to find yourselves, come just to know who you are, but please be armed with sincerity and follow your hearts taking your brains with you as a first action in such conclusive journey”

 

The moment was really as an awakening for Tony. Tony couldn’t wait a moment. While he was running back home screaming, he says “mom, happiness is here in us, mom I used to live a life alone, living it just for me, how selfish I am, and I had no idea that this life, would judge my eternity. I looked at myself, and I wondered, who created me. Now, I know, yes I do know (tears)”

 

Even she is at home, Natalia is in a battlefield which is full of enemies: snipers, mines and traps, she’s facing the self; the illusive Natalia, Natalia the mirage. Natalia talks to herself, “Son if you are here beside me, if walls could speak, if you know that happiness is here, in us …It’s a feeling of contentment that increases as long as we approach death and what after, that’s why this feeling keeps increasing. Some people said that thinking about death is a sign of depression, but I guess in my case; it’s completely different! Lately, a lot of people are dying this year… and most of them have the same age as mine…Since then… I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m wondering… Who’s next? I don’t fair death, death just impresses me. Death is deeply beautiful! Not because I’ll get rid of this life’s depression and things like that, this is a very small reason beside other enormous ones; among the biggest questions that some people are unable to find its answer…Are about the phenomenon of death and the possible life after this stage of earthly existence, I don’t intend to answer this question by myself, but I’ll try to see it from a different perspective ".

 

I must show first that I do believe in the Day of Judgment and what will happen after…  I’ve a certain feeling of expectation that God might be pleased or proud of what I did in my life. Hopefully! I’m willing to do my best to reach that…  Because I truly love Him! Now, I trust Him in an endless way... And I proudly can say... That I don’t trust most of the people I know here... But when it comes to God I trust no one but Him! And those: who were sent to show us where happiness lies and where our last everlasting homes are.

 

Son, just tell me; isn’t this a sufficient reason why I’m dying to see the One God’s brighten and beautiful face!! He is all I have! He is everything I need!  His love makes me feel secure in ways, (tears) that human love cannot! I’m imagining the judgment day with all my senses… that I’m there now: Billions of people on that day will cry out saying horrifically “we are goners, is this real or fantasy!? if we believed!” Billions of people around me saying the same word, ‘I wish I had believed!’ They are so afraid, so scared. May this picture scares… this life, which is beyond understanding, but it is not all fearful. It has a light and a beautiful side. A lot of people would come out from graves, holding hands because they believed in God. They truly loved Him! Yes! It’s up to me in the end… which picture do I prefer? I’m looking at the people around. There will be someone next me who is dying of regret repeating the word which he knows that it is useless, ‘If I had…’, but I can remember very well that he was called to believe in life but refused! And even mocked, he is John, he was my neighbor! Another one dying of happiness, although she was not believing of the Oneness of God at first, she responded to the apparent signs of God’s existence in existence! Then, ultimately she believed, she is Sarah who was my friend, she is very happy, she says I’ve never felt with such full happiness, which one of them I am, which one them you are Jeffery, which one of them you are ‘Tony’, which one of them you are all…  I really cannot wait that beautiful moment when…

 

When the Supreme Being tells me, tells Jeffery and Tony come closer, then we approach to Him, we find ourselves overwhelmed with His light, He covers us so no one can hear our conversation. He tells us; can you remember your sins?  At this moment…I guess we’re goner, we cannot be saved, no one could help, it is the abyss! But he tells us ‘because you believed and submitted to the natural instinct I imbued you with, I concealed them to you in life... and I’m concealing them to you now as well, I forgive you, and I’m pleased with you, go to my heaven’ How happy we are at that time! What a surprise! Who can believe, yes it inconceivable! It is eternity! can you imagine this word? Doubtlessly you cannot, it is a big word with big meanings. My eyes well up with tears of joy because this life is quite different from the earthly one: our physical and psychological structures are restructured again but differently whereas no depression anymore, no boredom, no emptiness. I sought truth honestly and I found it, rather I just searched and the truth founded me. Here are it repercussions, here are its consequences. Thanks God Almighty for His mercy, He does not let His slaves depressed, unhappy and astray as long as they are sincere and believed in Him. Thanks God because He does not let us without feedback to assure that we are taking the way He is pleased with. Thank you God for being our God, for being the One, for being the Just, for being the Forgiving. We all the three hold our hands altogether and run delightfully towards paradise”.

 

 Isn’t this the true happiness? I’m sure you know, but you are not as confident exactly as Jeffery and as those who were born and die but didn’t find who they are, not because they couldn’t, but they believe they do not need to search for themselves, to know the other side which remains obscure to them. God helps those who initiate in searching for themselves and consequently for Him. It is His wisdom that they have to start honestly then He is going to lighten the way for them not those who are afraid from change even though could not figure out what kind of change it is, that which is in fact holds their happiness.

 

If you don’t have the manual, you have to find it and if you can’t find it, your life is meaningless, I think you still live in nonentity.

 
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