Showing Disrespect to One's Parents

Allah, the Most High, says,

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." (Surat Al-Isra: 23-24)

Therefore, you should serve them as they did with you. But your service is not equal to theirs as they suffered a lot in bringing you up, hoping that you might live long.

On the other hand, when you shoulder their burdens you hope that they will die soon.

Allah, the Most High, says,

"Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: To Me is thy final goal." (Surat Luqman: 14)

Behold, how Allah has associated gratitude to Him with the gratitude to the parents Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him), said, "There are three verses (ayat) which have been revealed associated with three others. They are not accepted separately .

a) Allah, the Most High, says,

"Obey Allah and Obey the Messenger. And beware (of evil) if ye do turn back, know ye that it is our Messenger's duty to proclaim (the message in the clearest manner." (Surat Al-Ma'idah: 92 (

Thus, whoever only obeys Allah will have his obedience not accepted .

b) "And be steadfast in prayer: Give Zakat." (Surat AI-Baqarah: 43)

Hence, whoever performed prayers and does not pay Zakat will have his prayers not accepted.

c) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is thy final goal." (Surat Luqman: 14)

Whoever shows gratitude to Allah and neglects his parents will not have his gratitude accepted .

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,

"Allah's satisfaction is the parent's and His Wrath is theirs.”[1]

"A man came and sought permission for Jihad (fighting in the way of Allah). The prophet (Peace be upon him) asked him: 'Are your parents living?' The man said: ' yes, Sir.' He said, 'Then carry on Jihad in service to your parents as this is as good as Jihad.' ”[2] Behold how Allah has preferred obeying and honoring the parents to Jihad ! The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,

"Shall I not tell you of the worst major sins? Worshipping others with Allah and showing disrespect to parents."

Again Allah associates showing disrespect to parents with worshipping others besides Him .

It was related that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said,

"Whoever shows disrespect to his parents, he who reminds recipients of his charity to them and he who addicts to wine will not enter Paradise.”[3]

In another tradition the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,

"Had Allah known something concerning showing disrespect to one's parents little than Uf (a word of contempt) He would have forbidden it. Let the rebellious son do whatever he does, he will not enter Paradise, and let the obedient son do whatever he wants, he will not enter the Hell-Fire.”[4]

The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said,

"May Allah curse he who shows disrespect to his parents.”[5]

"May Allah curse he who reviles his father; may Allah curse he who reviles his mother.”[6]

It was related that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said,

“Allah respites whatever He wants of the sins until the day of Judgment save showing disrespect to one's parents, it will be hastened to its doer.”[7]

i.e. the worldly punishment before the Day of Judgment.

Ka'b Al-Ahbar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "Allah hastens the death of anyone who shows disrespect to his parents so as torture him.

On the other hand, Allah increases one's life span if he is kind to his parents to bless him ."

Treating one's parents with honour also requires sustaining them with the living costs when they are needy.

A man came and said to the Prophet (Peace be upon him), "O' Messenger of Allah, my father asks for my property." Then the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "Both you and what you possess are your father's."[8]

When Ka'b Al-Ahbar was asked about the meaning of showing disrespect to one's parents, he said,

"When one's father or mother swore an oath and he or she did not fulfill it. When they ordered him to do something but he did not obey. When they ask him for something and he refused. When they entrust him for something but deceives them . ”

Ibn 'Abbas was asked about Ashab Al-'Araf (men of the Heights) and he said; "As for the Heights, it is a mountain between Fire and Paradise. It is so-called because it outlooks Fire and Paradise. It is also covered by trees, fruits, rivers and wells. As for the men who seized thereon, they are those who went out to fight in the cause of Allah without their parents' permission and then are killed. Death in the cause of Allah protects them from the Hell-Fire. But disobedience to their parents deprived them of Paradise. Thus , they will be on the Heights until Allah judges them . "

It was related that a man asked the Prophet (Peace be upon him)

"Who deserves my service most after Allah? "The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked again, "And who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked further, "Who is next?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother.” The man asked once more, "And who is next?" The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "Your father and then the closer kins.”[9]

Thus, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) emphasizes that the mother is the one who deserves much concern and therefore he mentioned her three times. It is the mother indeed who bears a lot in pregnancy, giving birth and suckling and constant care to the child night and day .

Once Ibn 'Umar saw a man bearing his mother upon his shoulder and making circumambulation around the Ka'ba. The man asked him, "Do you think that I requite her?" "No, not even with a cry from childbirth . But, well done. Allah will give you in return for a little deed a great reward.”[10]

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) related that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,

"There are four people who will not enter Paradise as Allah decreed: a drunkard, a usurer, he who appropriates the orphan's property without a legal cause and he who shows disrespect to one's parents.”[11]

The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said,

"Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers.”[12]

A man came to Abu Ad-Darda' and said, "O Abu Ad-Darda', I have married a woman but my mother ordered me to divorce her." Then Abu Ad-Darda' said, "Parents is the middle gate of Paradise. You may either miss or preserve it.”[13]

The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said,

"Three supplications are surely acceptable: the supplication of the oppressed, the traveler and the parents against their children.”[14]

“An aunt is treated as a mother i. e., honorable treatment.”[15]

Wahb Ibn Munabbih said, "In the tablets written by Allah to Musa is the following, 'O Musa! Respect your parents. Whoever respects his parents I will extend his life span and grant him a grateful progeny, but whoever shows disrespect to his parents I will shorten his life span and grant him an ungrateful progeny.”[16]

Abu Bakr Ibn Abu Mariam also said, "I read in the Torah that he who hits his father will be killed." Similarly, Wahb said, "I read in the Torah that he who slaps his father should be stoned until death ."

`Amr Ibn Murrah Al-Juhanni said, "A man came to the Messenger of Allah and asked, 'O Messenger of Allah, what do you say if I pay obligatory duties, fast during Ramadan, give due Zakat on my wealth, and perform Hajj if I am able to do so, what is my reward?’ The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said, 'He who does this, he will be with the prophets, truthful people and the martyrs unless he disrespects his parents.' "[17]

It was related that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said, "May Allah curse he who shows disrespect to his parents ."

It was narrated also that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said, "In the night of Isra' (Night Journey) I saw groups of people in the Hell-Fire hanged on trunks of fire, I asked, "Who are they, Gabriel?" He said, "They are those who revile their parents in this world . ”

Bishr said, "Whoever is intimated by his mother and listens to her speech is better than the one who fights with his sword in the cause of Allah. Gazing at her surpasses everything. Once a man and a woman presented before the Prophet (Peace be upon him) arguing about their child. The man said, "O Messenger of Allah, he is my child who was created from my loins (backbone)." On the other hand, the woman said, "O Messenger of Allah he bore him lightly and preceded it out of lust. But I bore him in travail, delivered him in travail and suckled him during two full years." Thereupon, the Prophet judged for the mother.”[18]

In the Prophet's lifetime, there was a young man called Alqamah. He was so devout that he exerted great efforts in performing many prayers, fasting and spending money in charity. He had a fatal disease that his wife informed the Prophet (Peace be upon him) that her husband was dying. Thereby, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) sent `Ammar, Suhaib and Bilal to instruct the dying to say the testification of Faith. When they arrived there, they found him dying. Therefore, they began to instruct him to say there is no god but Allah, but he could not repeat it .

They returned to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) to consult him. Then, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "Did he have living parents?" They said, "He had an aged mother."

Accordingly, the Prophet asked them to bring her if she was able to walk. Otherwise he himself will go there. When being informed by the Prophet's message, the mother said, "I sacrifice him with my soul. I will go to him." She then went to him leaning on a staff. After greeting, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said; "O mother of Alqamah, tell me the truth and if you lie Allah will reveal me the truth. How was Alqamah?" She said, "He performed much prayers, fasting and spending money in charity." Then, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) asked, "What about you?" She said, "O Messenger of Allah! I am angry with him." The Prophet asked, "Why?" She said, "Because he prefers his wife to me and also disobeys me ."

Then, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "The anger of Alqamah's mother holds Alqamah's tongue to utter the testification of Faith ."

Afterwards, the Prophet said, O Bilal, go and gather a pile of wood." The woman said, "Why, Messenger of Allah?" The Prophet said, “To burn him before your eyes." She said, "O Messenger of Allah, he is my son! I cannot endure that he be burnt before my eyes." Then, the Prophet said, "But Allah's torture is more severe and lasting, mother of `Alqamah. So if you like him to be forgiven by Allah, you forgive him. By Whom in Whose hands my soul is, what he performed of prayers, fasting and charity is of no avail so long as you are angry with him ."

Then, she said, "O Messenger of Allah, may Allah the Almighty, his angels and all Muslims who are present witness that I forgive my son, Alqamah." Thereupon, the Prophet said, "Go to him, Bilal to see whether he can utter the testification of Faith or not? She might forgive him out of shyness." Approaching Alqamah's house, Bilal heard him saying, "There is no god but Allah" Then, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) ordered them to prepare the funeral, washing and shroud. Then, he prayed over him and witnessed the funeral . Then, the Prophet stood in front of the deceased grave and said, "O Muhajirin (Emigrants) O Ansar (Helpers), he who prefers his wife to his mother entails the curse of Allah, His angels and the whole people . Allah never accepts his deeds or a reason unless he makes repentance, treats his mother well and asks her consent. This is because Allah's consent is conditioned on the mother's and His wrath is hers.”[19]