How Do People Treat Their Parents In The Present Time

In the present time, neglecting parents has become the norm, especially when they grow old and become dependent on their children, or on their meager resources, if they have any. When this occurs, their children visit them less occasionally, if they do not place them in old people’s homes to rid themselves of the burden of taking care of them. Talking harshly and rudely to parents, speaking to them with a loud voice, showing discomfort and boredom towards the least requests from them, complaining from the burden they represent and even wishing they would die, have all become so common among people that you would think that their parents were the enemy! It is even more amazing to see some Muslims deal kindly with Kuffar,[1] unlike the harsh, ill-mannered way they speak to and deal with their parents. Moreover, many Muslims think more highly of their friends than of their own parents. 

'Uquq has become so rampant in the present time, that it makes the heart bleed when compared to the way our Salafi used to treat their parents.

It was reported that when Nasr bin Abu Hafith Al-Maqdisi traveled from Jerusalem to Mayyafaraqain, in Iraq, to learn with Al-Kazaroni, the well-known scholar. Al-Kazaroni asked him, "Is your mother alive?" Nasr said, "Yes." AI­ Kazaroni asked, "Have you taken her permission?" Nasr said, "No."  Al-Kazaroni said, "By Allah! You will not learn with me until you go back to her, so that her anger at you ends." Nasr went back to his mother and remained with her until she died, then traveled to collect knowledge.'[2]

Furthermore,   Hisham narrated  that Hafsah  used  to invoke Allah  for her  son  Huthayl,  who  would  dry  sugar  cane  in summer,  for if it is dried it becomes  smokeless,  and  when it was winter,  would  use it as firewood  for his mother.  He would  sit behind   his mother  while  she  prayed,   light  the fire, and his mother  would  not be bothered  by the  smoke, yet be comforted  with the heat it produced.  When he died, Hafsah felt very sad, until one night she stood up in prayer and recited this Ayah:

"Whatever    is with   you,   will be   exhausted,    and whatever is with Allah (of good deeds) will remain. And  those  who  are  patient,   We  will  certainly   pay them  a reward  in proportion   to the best of what  they used to do." (Surah An-Nahl, 16:96)

Hafsah overcame   her   sadness   (and   observed   patience) when she recited this Ayah[3]

Scholars of the Salaf obeyed their parents, even while teaching religious knowledge

For instance, Abu Bakr bin 'Ayyash said:

"I used  to  sit with  Mansur (a scholar) in his house and would  hear his  mother,  who  was  loud  and rude; shout at him,  'O  Mansur!  Ibn Hubairah (governor of Iraq during that time) appointed you to the post of judge, but you refused.'   Mansur would not even look her in the eye out of respect. '"[4]

And when Haywah bin Shurih, a scholar, used to sit teaching people, his mother would sometimes say to him, "O  Haywah, feed the chickens some barley," and he would leave his audience, obey his mother then resume giving the lecture'! Furthermore, Muhammad bin Al-Munkadir, another  scholar,  said  that  one  night  his  brother  'Umar spent the night praying while he spent it holding his mother's  feet  (to  make  her  warm).  Muhammad commented that he would prefer what he did to spending the night praying like 'Umar,

In contrast, I was told that a man placed his mother, with whom he was harsh and disrespectful, in an old people's home and did not visit her even once afterwards. When her health deteriorated, she asked the manager of the home to invite her son to visit her, so that she could see him before she dies. However, the sinner son of 'Uquq 'declined the invitation.'  When she died, he was contacted and told that his mother died, but he simply commented, "Just complete the paperwork and bury her in her grave."

How many are they who bring tears to their parents' eyes and cause them sleeplessness? How many are they who make their parents worried and anxious, especially when they abandon them and do not visit them often?  How many are they who when they become young men and women, terrorize their parents and bring tears of fear to their eyes? How many are they who treat their parents with kindness and mercy, just as the parents used to be kind and forbearing with them when they were young?  Is it not true that parents  are the allies of hardship,  sadness,  anxiety  and depression, fearing   for   their   children   when   they   were young  and  from them  when  they  grow  up? How many are they who, upon reaching the age of responsibility,   abandon their parents either to reside in another area, away from them, or travel for no pressing necessity? They abandon their crying parents and cause them to miss looking at the dearest faces to them. However, they will keep thinking about their children and remember them in their hearts, even though they no longer hear their words or see their faces. Even when one departs for his job by day or night, his parents feel emptiness in their hearts and sometimes cry. What will they  feel if they  close the  outside  door realizing that their son will not come back any time soon, glancing into his empty room and feeling sad for losing the joy  of  his  company  and  the  comfort  of  his  presence? Crying will then be their resort, tears will provide them with shelter, and humbleness and sadness will be their refuge. And if they meet their absent son's friends and peers and do not see him among them, their hearts will feel grief and will dissolve in pity.[5]

A man said to Ibrahim bin Adham:

"Tuba (a tree in Paradise) for you, for you have dedicated your life to worshipping Allah." (i.e., you do not have children to take care of.)

Ibrahim replied:

"Rather, one worry (or hardship) you endure that is connected to rearing your children, is better than: what I am doing." [6]

We thank and praise Allah that parents earn rewards for rearing their children and worrying about them, and indeed, all the favors and bounties come from Allah.

Teach your Children the Love of Allah and His Messenger (Peace be upon him)

Just as seeds need water, care and nourishment to grow up to be trees that bear good fruits, children need nourishment and religious teachings to grow up to be strong, righteous and knowledgeable. Consequently, every parent is required to plant the seed of loving Allah and His Messenger (Peace be upon him), Tauhid (Islamic Monotheism) and La ilaha illallah (none has the right to be worshipped except Allah) in his or her children's hearts, and to feed them on piety, obedience and good conduct. Parents are also required to make the way of life they and their children adhere by conform to, "Allah said ... ", and "The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said ...”[7]