The Blessing of Having Righteous Parents (3/3)

Righteous parents grieve for losing their righteous children, but observe patience and await Allah's Reward for it

Kathir bin Tamim Ad-Darri said:

"I was sitting with Sa'id bin Jubair when his son Abdullah came by, and Abdullah had good religious knowledge.  Sa'id said, 'If Abdullah dies, I will be patient and await the reward for it (with Allah)."[1]

Further, Silah bin Ashiam Was participating in a battle along with his son and said to him:

"My son! Fight, so that you achieve martyrdom and I await Allah's reward for patience." His son fought courageously and was killed in that battle.[2]

By encouraging his son to fight, Silah wanted to collect the reward of patience for his martyrdom, in addition to the reward  that  his  son  will  collect  from  being  killed  for Allah's  Cause. We should therefore ask ourselves if we rear our children to waste time and spend it in play and jest, thus, being instrumental in producing a heedless insignificant nation. Or, do we rear them to be honorable, teach them religious knowledge and raise them to love Allah and His Messenger (Peace be upon him) and participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause, so that our Ummah becomes mighty and its flags are raised high?

Luqman Advised His Son

"My son, sit knee to knee to scholars, but avoid arguing or disputing with them, for this might cause them to dislike you. Spend on yourself sufficiently in this life (without extravagance or tightwad), and give away from that you do not need in the way of your Hereafter. Do not refuse life's possessions, for if you do, you will end up dependent on other men and becoming a heavy burden on them. Fast, for fasting diminishes the Iures of desire, but do not fast excessively so that you do not become too weak to pray. Verily, praying is better than fasting. Do not associate with the fools or those who have two faces (or hypocrites).”[3]

In contrast to the righteous advice Luqman gave his son, many Muslims ignore rearing their children according to Islamic principles and neglect the significance of advising and directing them. Instead, they dedicate their attention to feeding, clothing and entertaining their children! Consequently, many children in the present time knowing very little about the religion, fall into disallowed actions and statements, without being forbidden from doing so, and are not being made aware of their errors and mistakes. Rather, some parents even help their children commit sins! As a result, today's young people often fall prey to confusion as to what is allowed or disallowed for them and what they should or should not do or say.

As  for  our  righteous   ancestors,   they  used  to  follow  their children  with  their  eyes  and walk  besides  them,  teaching, advising,   directing   and  righteously   rearing  them.  This  is why their children  were the comfort  of their eyes, the relief of their  hearts  and  the  essence  and  core  of their  Ummah (the   Muslim    Nation).    They   advised   and   taught   their children  such aspects  of Birr towards  parents  as these wise words  that  came  from  Ibn  Muhayriz:   "He  who  walks  in front  of  his  father,  will  have  fallen  into   'Uquq of  him, unless   he   walks   in   front   of   him   for   the   purpose   of removing  harm from his way. Also, he who calls his father by his name or title (such as Abu Muhammad  ...) will have fallen into 'Uquq of him. Instead, he must address him by, 'Father.’” [4]

Furthermore, Farqad  advised  that  children,  no matter  how old  they  get,  should  not  look  their  parents  straight  in the eye,  walk   in  front   of  them,   speak   first  when  they  are present,  or  walk  to the  right  or  left  of them,  unless  they make  such  a request.  Rather, children should walk behind their parents, just as a servant would do with his master? [5]

Allah the Exalted said:

“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say:  'My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young. '" (Surah Al-Isra’, 17:24)

Therefore,  dear Muslim,  do not walk to your  parents  when they  call  you,  but  rather  fly to them as birds do, in that; you rush to  answer their call and fulfill whatever  they order you, so that you might earn their pleasure. And even if you do all this, you will never be able to perfectly fulfill their rights on you, and this is why you should add to your vigor in serving them by invoking Allah to grant them His Mercy and forgiveness.

In short, when you walk along with your parents,  walk behind them not in front of them, yet act as if your parents are a piece of you, not letting anyone separate between you and them. You should also admit that children are not their parents' equals, and neither reside above them in dwelling nor speak before them in any audience. Children should admit that they owe their very life to the kindness and generosity of their parents. On the other hand, Islam requires parents to be a good example themselves for their children. Sadly, there are many parents who neglect praying, ignore performing the various acts of worship and commit illegal acts! How can this type of people ever be a good example for their children, or even attempt to command them to do good and refrain from evil? How can this   type   be   worthy   of   rearing   their   children   in righteousness in this environment?

In contrast, the Companions have always set a good example for their children, by being righteous themselves and by teaching them righteous conduct.  There was no contradiction between what the Companions did or stated in public and what they taught their children at home by way of example. For instance, Abdullah bin 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) narrated, "Whenever 'Umar would ask the people to refrain from something, he would go to his family, gather them and declare, 'I have barred the people from such and such things, and people look up to you just as birds look to pieces of meat; if you fall on it, they will follow suit!  But, if you stay away from it, they will not fall.  By Allah!  Any of you who breaks my order to the people  and is brought  to me,  then   I will  double  his  punishment  because  of  his relation to me. So, whoever among you wants to come forward or take a step back, let him do so!’”[6]

During the illness that preceded the death of Caliph 'Umar bin Abdul-Aziz, his cousin Maslamah bin Abdul-Malik visited him and said:

"O Chief of the Faithfull!  You have made your children poor and left them with nothing. Why do you not make me or another of your relatives to take care of them?" 'Umar asked to be helped to sit up and then said, "As for your statement that I made them poor, by Allah! I did not prevent them from money that they deserved, nor have I given them what is not allowed for them. As for your request that  I appoint  you  or  another  of  my  relatives  as caretakers  of  my  children,  then  know  that  their Caretaker on my behalf is Allah, Who sent down the Book, and He is the Supporter of the righteous. As for my children, if they are righteous and have fear from Allah, then Allah will make a way out for them from every difficulty.  Otherwise, if any of them persists in sin, then I will not help him commit more sin. Verily, I invoke Allah for a good return to the Hereafter, for this life is transient and by no means eternal.”[7]

(We should mention that the offspring of 'Umar bin Abdul Aziz were righteous as he hoped, and even though he did not leave them much wealth, Allah helped and supported them. They had money and wisdom concerning how to spend their wealth, so much so, that their cousins from the Umayyad family used to borrow money from them.)

Al-Ahnaf bin Qais describe that Yazid bin Mu’awiyah said:

“My father (Caliph Mu’awiyah) summoned Al-Ahnaf bin Qais and asked him, ‘O Abul-Hasan! What do you say about children?’ Al-Ahnaf said, ‘O Chief of the Faithful! They are the fruit of our hearts and the pillars of our backs, with while we are like a paved land and a sheltering sky for them. We rely on their support against every difficult matter. If they ask, give; and if they get angry, help them get over it. This way, they will be affectionate with you and love you as much as they can. Do not be like a lock with them (i.e. very strict), so that they will not get bored with your life, long for the day you die and dislike nearness to you. Mu’awiyah said, ‘By Allah! Before you came, I was very angry with Yazid.’”[8]