Negative upbringing and social relationships

Our talk is still connected with negative upbringing and the absence of guardians. Now, our talk is about the absence of guardians and the lack of watching over children in social relationships.

Some of the habits and social relationships that leave a negative effect on the personality of a child:

1- Private lessons and negative upbringing:

Private lessons may be a necessary requirement for some families which their children suffer educational retardation. Some families only care for their children because they have money and are able to give lessons to their children, but when the guardian or educator is away and nobody is to look after them according to the Shari`ah rulings, problems erupt.

Of their negative consequences are the following:

A- Depending on private lessons train the children for dependency, hence they disable the sound growth of our children, leaving them unable to bear the burdens of life. Thereby, we ignore the capabilities of our children to bear responsibility and kill —with our hands— their individual initiations and their abilities to bear burdens even though they are able to initiate and do.

B- These lessons contain some ethical corruptions, especially if they are accompanied by mixture between sexes and private meeting with them; there are many stories to show the gravity of this matter.

As for a male teacher, Khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) with female students may make him her teacher in the subject which he teaches besides other things, especially when the parents are busy: The father in his endless business and the mother in her visits to female friends; then, bad consequences take place.

A father once narrated that he was coming home after `Isha' (Night) Prayer, found a group of his neighbors in front of his house shouting and beating the private teacher of his ten-years-old daughter. When he asked about the matter, they told him that the teacher tried to rape the girl while teaching her. When the girl sought help with her mother, the mother sought help with the neighbors and the teacher was taken to the police station.

One day there was a stinky smell coming out of a teacher's flat, so the neighbors called the police which came and broke the door to discover that he died naked on his bed and there was a rope trace around his neck. After investigation, police found out that three high-school students, whom he used to give private lessons, killed him for revenge because he used to practice fornication with them and threatened to expose their secret relation if they stopped. As a result, they made up their minds to kill him and executed what they pledged to.

Dear Muslim brother, beware of these private lessons but if there is a necessity, you have to follow the Islamic rules as to bring a female teacher to your daughters and a male teacher for boys so as not to regret later.

2- Friends and negative upbringing:

If the family, the school, and the neighborhood are the most effective means of forming the individual character, friends and mates are not less important, however they may surpass them. That is because mates give the chance to one another to oppose their parents through the power of friends' group which a child became part of, so this power supports him in such a situation, in addition to the false feeling of providing him with psychological power that elders or children cannot give. Hence, Islam exhorts to choose good companions and warns against bad companions because they affect the individual badly. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him, but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him." Moreover, the effect of bad companions may exceed the ethical behaviors to religion and faith. It was reported from the Prophet (peace be upon him) that he said: "A person shall adopt the creed of his close friend, so let a person choose his friends."

There is a study shows that young people have committed their crimes with the help of others. The study has proven that there is a relationship between friends and deviation of young people. The study has shown that the most prominent deviational culture at young deviants is friends. Therefore, parents or guardians should not leave their children to bad companions, but they should consider and check who are the friends of their children because companions may drag children to sins.

We shall continue our talk in the coming episodes.