Children

It is well known that one of the greatest objectives of marriage is the procreation of humans and to continue one’s own genealogy. There are several rights and pre-requisites involved in this matter. I will outline them:

A. Bearing a child.

Many husbands ask their wives to use contraceptive devices immediately after marriage because they want to enjoy them first. This is detrimental for the wife because it is medically proven that when a woman who has never given birth uses contraceptive pills, she is at risk of becoming barren for the rest of her life.

Likewise, there are some women who would like to wait for a year or two before they conceive in order to consolidate their relationship with their husbands. This is agreeing to something that is reprehensible.

Then there are those who refuse to get pregnant because it disturbs their academic schedule. This creates a void in their married lives and deprives them of an affectionate relationship with a child who would fill that vacuum.

There are others who refuse to bear a child even after they complete their studies on the pretext of work and a career. At that time, the husband has no recourse except to divorce his wife. As Muslims, we are asked to have children because the Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) will take pride in the number of followers he will have on the Day of Judgement.

B. Raising the children.

People have different ideas and methods about how to raise and educate their children. Every couple has its own ideal and ideology and they will even have differences between themselves. It is clear that there is room for discussion and compromise.  At a certain age perhaps, the father should have the last say and at another age the mother should be given the lead role. Each parent should respect the view and decide who is to have the final word.  It is important not to condemn and criticise the opinion of each other in front of the children because this will inevitably create long lasting problems in the minds of the children. They will prefer the opinion of one of them, or they may even lose respect for any and all authority. You may bear that a woman has four children who each have their own cars.  But the mother still has to use the public transport because none of the children are willing to drive her anywhere.

If there are disputes and differences they should be settled in private and not in front of children.