Marriage (2/3)

“And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren. And provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?” [Surah al-Nahal, 16:72]

Islam does not view woman as the instrument of the devil, as is asserted by Christian teachings. The Qur’an describes woman as muhsanah, a fortress against evil, because a good woman helps her husband maintain the path of righteousness.

Muslim men are continually admonished to treat their wives kindly. To those men who oppress their wives:

 “O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dower you have given them - except when they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” [Surah al-Nisa', 4:19]

Men are commanded by Allah to consort with women amicably and honourably. They should refrain from harshness in speaking to and dealing with them. Behaviour that goes against standards of morality and common courtesy is prohibited. Such wicked and brutal conduct is the sign of ignorance (jahilyyah) which Islam came to abolish.

Muslims are admonished to treat women equitably. The Qur'an forbids them to inherit women and abuse them, sexually or otherwise, as was the custom prior to the advent of Islam and as is still practiced in many societies where the rich and strong take advantage of the poor and weak in this way. This Islamic rule applies not only to the Arabs of the seventh century CE, but to all subsequent generations of Islam. Men are forbidden to abuse women, and are commanded to live amicably with their marriage partners. The command of Allah to do so is reinforced by the comment that while a man may find some trait or aspect of his wife's behaviour that he dislikes, it may be that Allah will bring about something good if he tolerates it graciously and accepts his wife for what she is. In all of this there is benefit for the man.

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) enhanced this message of equality and fair treatment of women by setting the supreme example for mankind to observe and emulate. He demonstrated the importance of taking care of oneself and one's daily needs, instead of imposing on one's wife. Accounts of his life give numerous examples which "modern men" may learn from. He attended to his own personal needs, he helped his wives in the house, and he even stitched and mended his own clothes. He demonstrated that a man is never too great to clean and look after himself, and he imparted the following advice:

"The best among you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to his family".

"The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and the best of you are those who are best to their wives".

"Many women have come to the family of Muhammad complaining about their husbands... Those husbands are not the best of you". "By assisting your wives in their household duties, you will receive the reward of sadaqah (charity)".

"A believer must not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he should be pleased with another".

"When a woman breast feeds, for every gulp of milk she will receive a reward as if she had granted life to being, and when she weans her child, the angels pat her on the hack saying, 'Congratulations! All your past sins have been forgiven, now start all over again".

"O women! Remember that the pious among you will enter Jannah before the pious men".

"During pregnancy until the time of childbirth, and until the end of the suckling period, a woman earns reward similar to that of the person who is guarding the borders of Islam".

In his famous speech given during his Farewell Pilgrimage, in which he reiterated the most important points of Islamic teaching, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) reminded the Muslims of the importance of treating women equitably: "O people! Fear Allah with regard to women..." Once again, men are reminded to remember Allah and fear His retribution, for Allah is aware of everything that passes between them.

'A'ishah reported that when the Prophet (Peace be upon him) was home, he would help with the household chores, treat his family amicably, and maintain a pleasant atmosphere in the home.

Islamic teachings are very strict when it comes to the fair treatment of others and in the case of physical superiority; Islam clearly states the responsibilities of the stronger party. As women are physically weaker, they are entitled to protection, and men are answerable for any misuse of their physical strength against women. All kinds of physical abuse are forbidden in Islam, which also prohibits psychological abuse such as seclusion and unnecessary restriction of movement and travel. A husband is also forbidden to disclose his wife's secrets, as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: "the worst of all people is the one who approaches his wife, enjoys her company, then divulges her secrets".

Marriage is in accordance with the teachings of Islam, so whatever permissible deeds are done within the context of marriage including sex is regarded as virtues. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) once said, "A man will be rewarded for his physical relations with his wife". His listeners, somewhat surprised, asked, "Will a person be rewarded for satisfying his passions?" The Prophet (Peace be upon him) replied, "Do you not see that if he were to satisfy his passions in a forbidden manner he would be committing a sin? So if he satisfies himself in a lawful manner, he will be rewarded".

The importance of the physical side of marriage is also referred to in a hadith narrated by Imam al Bukhari. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) is reported to have upbraided one of his Companions, who was going to extremes in his devotion to worship: "O Abdullah, have I not been informed that you fast all day and stand in prayer all night?" Abdullah said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah". He said, "Do not do that. Observe the fast at some times and refrain from fasting at others. Stand in prayer at night, then sleep. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you".

 (Continued)