Marriage (3/3)

Islam regards men and women as equal partners who should cooperate in making the home, community and society at large harmonious, happy and successful. The partners should be loyal, considerate and dependent upon one another. They should work together to overcome any problems and obstacles. They should be jointly concerned with their children's upbringing and education, and work together to meet their children's needs. They should work together to overcome the shortcomings of each partner, and present a united front to the outside world. They should also provide companionship and comfort to one another.

Certain Qur'anic references have given rise to much debate concerning women's role, rights and duties.

“... And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them.” [Surah al-Baqarah, 2:228]

There are various points of view as to the significance of the phrase "a degree (of advantage)". Some suggest that it means the qualities of leadership, surveillance and maintenance that are given to men. Others favour the idea that it refers to the tolerance which is expected of men even when their wives are in an extremely bad mood. Another opinion is that it is man's natural gift, bestowed by Allah, for judging family matters and managing problems that may arise. However, the consensus of most scholars is that, this "degree" refers to the principle of guardianship, and nothing more. In another ayah, the Qur’an says:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means...” [Surah al-Nisa', 4.34]

Commenting on this verse, Yusuf Ali states that the difference in economic position between the sexes makes the man's rights and liabilities a little greater than the woman's. This verse refers to the duty of the man to maintain the woman, and to a certain difference in the nature of the two genders. However, the two sexes are seen as being on equal terms in law and in certain matters the "weaker sex" (the female) is entitled to special protections it should be borne in mind that the Qur’an offers guidance for all human societies at all periods of history. So Islam seeks to maximise the benefit of all women, worldwide.

Abdullah ibn Abbas , a companion of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) mentioned, with reference to the ayah quoted above, that as men have been granted such a noble position by Allah, they should exercise greater patience. If there is some deficiency on a wife's part, then the husband's position demands that he should accommodate her weaknesses, maintain a patient attitude, and establish consistency in the fulfillment of his rights. In short, marriage is intended to bring mutual benefits to both partners.

A renowned Asian scholar, Hazrat Hakim Akhtar states: "the rights of women have been mentioned before those of men in this verse because man, due to his inherent power and strength, easily obtains his rights from the woman. Thus Allah placed more emphasis upon the rights of women who cannot forcibly obtain their rights". The second point that may be noted from this ayah is that the man should take the initiative in fulfilling his responsibilities, because the Qur'an has mentioned women's rights first.

The "degree above" cannot, and must not, be taken to imply male superiority of worth. What it does imply is a greater liability and responsibility, which means that men will be subjected to greater questioning in the Hereafter regarding the treatment of their wives and families. This is hardly what could be described as an enviable position, and some may even consider it "inferior"! The degree in question is nothing more than a means of assuring the maintenance of women, as and when it is necessary.

Islam clearly recognises the equal potential and ability of the sexes, but Allah has created human beings in a manner whereby men and women are better suited for differing but complementary, tasks. Just because the male may be better at a given task than the female, it does not mean that he is inherently superior. This is an error made by many feminists, who assume that liberation may be achieved by adopting a male role. Instead of recognising and cherishing their femininity, they seek to ape men, to the detriment of women and human society in general. By aspiring to male traits, values and behaviour, they have further diminished the female whilst elevating the male. By equating financial earnings and following a career with prestige and status, the feminine pursuits of motherhood, household work and the raising of a family have become valueless and are seen as degrading. Because unpaid work is seen as worthless, household work is viewed as demeaning drudgery. In contrast, Islam emphasises harmony and mutual dependency, so a woman's work in caring for the home and raising the family is seen as being as essential and important as a man's work in earning money for the financial support of the family.

Mankind has been infected with the capitalist bug, where any type of work not providing a financial income is considered oppressive. The simple truths, taught by Islam, have become too difficult to accept. Humanity should not allow itself to be dazzled by the West and fooled into denigrating women's valuable work. In Islam, the woman's role is very important, perhaps even more important than that of a man. As we have seen, the acts of childbearing and suckling - roles which are open only to women - bring immense rewards. Although these abilities are a gift granted by the Creator, the woman exercises an element of choice whether to breast feed as a means of earning this reward. Moreover, as her share of the childrearing burden is greater, from the moment of conception onwards, Allah the All-Merciful and All-Wise has made the woman a means by which any individual may attain Paradise, in that Paradise is described as lying at the feet of mothers (see also the ahadith on the virtues of mothers, below). The hardships and tribulations suffered by women during pregnancy, birth, suckling and childrearing, are not wasted. They bring the promise of compensation, reward and a higher status in this world and the next.