Right to be Obedient to parents

It is the right of parents that their children should treat them with kindness, obedience, and honor. Devotion to parents is a natural instinct (feeling) which must be strengthened by deliberate actions. Quran presents an excellent example of obedience of Prophet Ismail.

"And when he reached with him [the age of] exertion, (the ability to work and be of assistance) he said, "O my son, indeed I have seen in a dream that I [must] sacrifice you, so see what you think.” He said, "O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the steadfast. And when they had both submitted (to the com m and of Allah) and he put him down upon his forehead, We called to him, "O Abraham. You have fulfilled the vision (dream)." Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good. Indeed, this was the clear trial. And We ransomed him with a great sacrifice, And We left for him [favorable mention] among later generations:" (Surah As-Saffat, 37:102-107)

(a) Allah has preferred obeying and honoring the parents to Jihad!:

 Pleasing ones parents is considered so important in Islam that the son is forbidden to volunteer for jihad without his parents permission, in spite of the fact that fighting in the cause of Allah (jihad fi sabeel Allah) has such great merit in Islam that the merit of a person who spends his nights in prayer and his days in fasting falls short of it.

"A man came and sought permission for Jihad (in the way of Allah). The prophet (Peace be upon him) asked him: "Are your parents living?" The man said: "yes, Sir." He said: “Then carry on Jihad in service to your parents as this is as good as Jihad.” (Reported by Bukhari 8/3 and Muslim)

(b) Showing Disrespect to One's Parents:

 Old age often makes the parents short tempered or quarrelsome. It can be due to many factors like ill health, medications, etc but it is the children’s obligation to be com passionate and understanding. Islam forbids us to show annoyance or anger or even to raise our voices in front of elderly parents.

 “But one who says to his parents, “Uff (expression of distaste and irritation) to you; do you promise me that I will be brought forth [from the earth] when generations before me have already passed on [without rising]?" while they call to Allah for help [and to their son], "Woe to you! Believe! Indeed, the promise of Allah is truth." But he says, "This is not but legends (tales) of the former peoples." (Surah Al-Ahqaf, 46:17)

Whoever shows gratitude to Allah and neglects his parents will not have his gratitude accepted. It was related that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said, "Whoever shows disrespect to his parents, he who reminds recipients of his charity to them and he who addicts to wine will not enter Paradise.” (Reported by Ad-Darimi, Ahmad, An-Nisa’i & Hibban

(c) Major Sins and the gravest among these is "Disobedience to parents":

 You should not cause them any harm or become disobedient even if your parents commit any excesses due to old age or any other reason. Unfortunately, most people have forgotten these rights; instead disobedience and severance of ties have risen to harden the hearts, even they co n tempt and detest (hate or dislike intensely) their parents.

[1] It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdur-Rahman b. Abu Bakra (may Allah be pleased with him) that his father said: We were in the company of the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) that he observed: Should I not inform you about the most grievous of the grave sins? (The Holy prophet (Peace be upon him)) repeated it three times, and then said: Associating anyone with Allah, disobedience to parents, false testimony or false utterance. The Holy prophet (Peace be upon him) was reclining, then he sat up, and he repeated it so many times that we wished that he should become silent. (Reported by Muslim 1/0158)

[2] Narrated Abu Bakra (may Allah be pleased with him): Allah’s Apostle (Peace be upon him) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the great sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah’s Apostle (Peace be upon him)!" He said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one’s parents." (Reported by Bukhari 8/290)

(d) Major Sin - Any one abuses other person's parents he abuses his own parents:

 Narrated Abdullah bin Amr (may Allah be pleased with him): Allah's Apostle (Peace be upon him) said: "It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents." It was asked (by the people), "O Allah’s Apostle (Peace be upon him)! How does a man curse his parents?" The prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother.”

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) related that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “There are four people who'll not enter Paradise as Allah decreed (1) a drunkard, (2) a usurer (lends money at high interest) (3) he who appropriates the orphan’s property without a legal cause and (4) he who shows disrespect to one's parents.” (Reported by Al-Hakim)

"May Allah curse he who reviles (insults or abuses) his father; may Allah curse he who reviles his mother.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad & An-Nisa'i)

(e) Only place when you can't obey them-Disobedience allowed when parents stop you from worshipping Allah:

 Islam recognises family as a basic social unit. Along with the husband-wife relationship the Parent-child relationship is the most important one. Three verses from Qur’an and one hadith is given:

(1) "But if they strive to compel you to associate with Me that of which thou hast no knowledge, do not obey them; but keep company with them in this life in a kind manner and follow the way of those who turn to Me. Then to Me will be your return and I will inform you (of the meaning of) all that you did." (Surah Luqman, 31:15)

(2) "And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return and I will inform you about what you used to do.”  (Surah AI-Ankaboot, 29:8)

(3) "There has already been for you an excellent pattern in Abraham and those with him, when they said to their people, "Indeed, we are disassociated from you and from whatever you worship other than Allah. We have denied you, and there has appeared between us and you animosity and hatred forever until you believe in Allah alone" - except for the saying of Abraham to his father, "I will surely ask forgiveness for you.” (Surah Al-Mumtahinah, 60:4)

(4) Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated from the Apostle (Peace be upon him) about the major sins. He (the Holy prophet (Peace be upon him)) observed: “Associating anyone with Allah, disobedience to parents, killing a person and false utterance.” (Reported by Muslim Book 1- 0159)