Grandma Jeddah and AbdurRahmanAbouAlmajd in discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child

Grandma Jeddah and AbdurRahmanAbouAlmajd in discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child

Grandma Jeddah

We have a fresh opportunity to reflect about How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child.At this point Grandma Jeddah isn’t going to talk about her good books but he speaks  on her views of Discipline Muslim Child.

In 1977 during her youth, Grandma Jeddah moved to Los Angeles, California and attended University of Southern California. During her sophomore year, she converted to Islam and married. She is the mother of 11 children and 10 Grandchildren.

Over the last thirty years, she has worked as a teacher at Al-Madinah School in Los Angeles, California. She is also a freelance writer and has written a variety of articles related to children’s issues in numerous magazines and newspapers including Al-Jum’uah, Sisters, and InFocus. In addition, she’s had children’s stories published in several juvenile magazines.

She is the author of Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It, launched March 1st, 2011. She also published the e-Workbook to supplement the e-book. She maintains a website in which mothers can submit their questions on parenting issues and view an excerpt from Discipline without Disrespecting.

Grandma Jeddah also publishes a free, quarterly online Newsletter called Grandma Jeddah’s Porch. You can also follow her blog at – grandmajeddah.blogspot.com. And you can find her on Facebook.

For more information on accessing Grandma Jeddah’s resources, visit her website at: www.grandmajeddah.com

The purpose of Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child-- And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It has three aspects.

First, it assists Muslim mothers in having a more tranquil self and household by providing them with emotional support and instruction on how to effectively guide their children by using positive discipline methods as an alternative to hitting, shouting and shaming.

Second, it attempts to show parents that positive discipline methods, which encourage calmness, advising, gentleness and non-corporal consequences, can be a successful means of training children to be Allah fearing Muslims.

Finally, it attempts to show that many of the methods mentioned above have foundation in our religion.

Q: According to your first e-book, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It, why do children misbehave?

GJ: One of the best things parents can do for their children to prevent inappropriate behavior is give them attention. Children thrive on attention.  They need to know they are acknowledged--they exist.  They need to know they matter.  Parents should let their children know that they care about them.

Another thing parents can do to help avoid behavior problems is listen to their children and empathize with them. They should try to ensuretheir childrenreceive the emotional support they need when they are upset. When parents acknowledge their children’s feelings, they’re letting them know that their feelings matter.

People desire that those closest to them care about their pain, hurt or disappointments.  This helps them feel loved and wanted. When children sense no one cares about their feelings, they may begin to exhibit extreme defiant behavior.

When you fail to show your concern for your children’s  emotions, they may choose to make you feel what they’re feeling—by hurting your feelings or venting their frustrations upon others.

Remember, too, that children need to feel they have some control over their lives.  Desiring independence is a natural instinct humans have.  Allowing your child the power to choose which pajamas he’d like to wear for bed or which vegetables he’d like for dinner can help prevent power struggles that often lead to arguments or disobeying.

One way to contribute to your children’s good behavior isavoiding hurting their feelings.  Shouting at them, calling them names, embarrassing them, or hurting them physically not only builds bitterness, it counters a positive relationship between you and your children. Having a constructive relationship with your children gives them greater motivation to obey. 

Q: In your book you discuss discipline of children with special needs. Have you dealt with these types of children on a personal level?

GJ: Yes I have. I’ve managed children in my own family as well as students from my classrooms who have special needs.

Q: What types of special needs have you had experience with?

GJ: I’ve managed children with, mental retardation, tourettes syndrome, autism, and ADHD to name a few.

Q:Is there anything different about managing the behavior of children with special needs than the average child’s?

GJ: Many of the techniques for managing children with special needs are similar to those used with normal range children such as encouragement, acknowledging appropriate behavior, and developing a cordial relationship with the child. That being said, children categorized under particular disabilities often share certain behavioral characteristics. For instance, many children with ADHD have difficulty with self-control and find it difficult to concentrate for long periods of time. Children with tourettes syndrome--by definition--have vocal tics. These vocal sounds can be mistaken for back talk or intentional disruptions during class.

Q:How do you go about handling these types of problems?

GJ: For children with ADHD, one of the best things you can do to help them behave appropriately is establish a set of rules for them to follow and use a lot of positive reinforcement when they comply—of course this is important for all children, but it’s even more crucial for children with ADHD.

One of the most important aspects of managing behavioral problems with children who have tourettes syndrome is for parents to develop a greater understanding  of the disability itself. Parents need to know the range and extent of behavioral peculiarities that can be exhibited by a child with tourettes.

Q:You also provide 25 discipline techniques parents can use that avoid hitting, scolding or shaming. Can you share with me several of your tips?

GJ: Certainly.One very effective discipline technique is what I call 1-2-3 Count. When you want your child to stop an unacceptable behavior or begin an easy to accomplish task, count slowly but firmly, 1-2-3. This simple 1-2-3 count can be surprisingly effective in getting children to stop talking, arguing, playing with toys, or refrain from what they are doing.

Another marvelous discipline technique is called Pat-on-the-Back. One of the easiest things parents can do to get their children to behave well is compliment them for good behavior. It sounds easy, but it seems to be one of the most difficult practices for parents to master.  It’s so easy for us to find fault with our children.  But when they behave well, we fail to praise them and show our pleasure.

Many parents have also found great success with the system of Reach for the Stars. This method involves placingincentive stars on a child’s behavior chart when the child performsdesirable behavior. When your child cleans his room without being told or even soon after being told, place a star on his incentive chart to let him know he did a good job and that you are pleased with him.

Q: Do you plan to publish other e-books in the future?

GJ:  Yes, I do, insha’Allah. I regularly receive parenting questions from parents who visit my website. I address each question personally. Because many of their concerns are similar, I plan to address some of these issues in future books, insha’Allah.

Q: Why do you think Muslim parents need to educate themselves on parenting from and Islamic perspective?

GJ: A lot of our parenting methods (for converts as well as those born Muslim) come from what was passed done culturally from our families. Some of these methods may be appropriate islamically, but others may not. Reading parenting articles and books with concepts based upon Islam and listening to Islamic lectures related to child discipline gives parents effective ways of parenting that are in accordance with our religion.

AbdurRahmanAbouAlmajd: Thank you very much, May Allah accept your efforts, prayers and deeds.  

Grandma Jeddah: Ameen, and Jazakalakhair. And may Allah bless you and your family with the same and more.