It remained just a dream

Consultation:

I have been married for five years, and despite his kindness and his keenness to secure our financial luxury, he does not pay attention to the moral side of our relationship. When he comes back from work, he does not speak much but eats food, takes a rest, then goes to meet his friends. He barely pays attention, listens, or speaks with us. It is true that he does not interfere in my management to the house or the rearing of our children. He does not hinder my missions but I need someone to share life with me. I need a husband to make me feel important, and expresses his hopes, pains, and love to me; all these have become dreams.

I admit that he is generous, well-mannered, and quiet person and my life is stable with him, but what should I do with a spiritless and unaffectionate life?

The cure:

"Emotional dryness" or losing what is so-called "romance" is the most needed thing women need from their husbands which is the complaint of most wives, perhaps this will console you.

You say that your husband is well-mannered which many wives miss in their husbands.

You have mentioned that your husband is so keen to secure your financial luxury, but hundred thousands are complaining of the misery of their husbands.

You mentioned that your husband does not interfere in your management to your house and the rearing of your children and does not hinder your missions, whereas hundred thousands are suffering the criticism of their husbands to the way of managing the house and the methods of rearing, moreover they interfere in their missions, as a result they trouble their wives and frustrate them.

You also mentioned that he is generous, well-mannered, and quiet, and my life is stable with him, whereas millions of wives miss all these qualities which your husband has, so how about the well-manners of your husband!

You have to increase the satisfaction of your husband and satisfy with his temper because his bad temper is less effect in compare to his well-manners.

I want to draw your attention that what you ask from your husband -despite your need to it- may lead to instability of your marital life because his talks and revealing his complains may lead to criticizing, blaming, or advising him and that will accordingly lead to desertion.

Therefore, I suggest the following:

1- After resorting to Allah with invocation, make him hear the words of satisfaction, praise, and gratitude then ask him: What did you feel after hearing them? If he expresses his satisfaction and happiness for hearing them, say to him: I will be happy if I hear a word of these from you.

2- Convey to him the following from me:

Dear brother: I congratulate you on the testimony of your wife of your well-manners, but a woman needs to feel the closeness of her husband because Allah (Glory be to Him) says: "They are Lîbas [i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her - as in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabarî], for you and you are the same for them." [Surat Al Baqarah: 187].

Libas is the closest clothes to skin by which we cover ourselves, adorn, and protect ourselves from heat and cold. Would you then achieve these meanings in maintaining good relationships with your wife, tell her what bothers you, and share ideas, feelings, and emotions with her, and consult her as the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to consult Um Salamah as he did in the conciliation of Al Hudaybiyah.

May Allah guide you, fix your affairs, and bless you.