My shyness is the cause of my misery

Question:

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

My problem is severe shyness, inability to express myself, and forgetting speech in the presence of others. It is worth mentioning that I do not have that problem at home when talking to my family. That matter embarrasses me very much and caused people not to respect me, in addition, I do not have many friends because of this; what should I do?

Could you kindly help me? Although I tried all ways, there is no use. I lived with my parents who came from underdeveloped environment where their upbringing to me was full of screaming, beating, and mockery, which affected my personality badly. It worth mentioning that I am a pretty girl and nothing causes me trouble but shyness. I do not go out much, I hate gatherings and parties, and if I want to go out, I feel upset and become worried. Furthermore, I do not have memories because all my memories annoy me; could you help me?

Thanks!

Answer:

Dear sister, As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

Thank you for choosing Alukah Website for solving your problem. We ask Allah (may He be Exalted) to make us a cause to solve that; indeed He (may He be Exalted) is All-Hearer, All-Respondent.

Dear questioner, despite your young age, I found that you have the ability to diagnose the causes of the problem, then numerating your merits and points of strength which indicates your awareness and high intellectual level that may not be available to many.

I find it clever to invest the intellectual merits which you mentioned in reinforcing your trust in yourself and exert some efforts to change the way you look to yourself because the solution begins from there. As we think in ourselves, our thoughts and behavior will be formed as such and changing such belief and view does not take place unless you have an inner conviction. This conviction begins with engaging yourself in thinking about your merits then compare yourself to others who do not have your potentials.

Afterwards, begin with short dialogues with your mates, either neighbors or colleagues, or any one in your age or younger. When you begin the dialogue, do not think about anything except in your merits and in the theme of the dialogue, and forget anything else.

A also advise you to search for hobbies and keep to them, such as writing, to reveal your potentials. Once you have discovered your potentials, exert some efforts in developing them.

You have not to think about the causes of your problem because we are seeking the causes to deal with them, as you did successfully, not to stand still, which I hope you do not do.

Finally, I advise you to recite a portion of the Glorious Qur'an everyday with audible voice in a private place. Invoke Allah (may He be Exalted) to make you eloquent, perhaps it be a solution for your problem.

I hope all good for you, may Allah grant you success in all fields and I invoke Allah (may He be Exalted) to reform your conditions; Indeed He is All-Hearer, All-Respondent.