During the family visits, while children are engaging in play with one another, a mother finds her child clings to her and refuses to play with its peers, moreover it may hasten to scream when she urges it to merge with its companions who fill the house with noise and vitality!
He is a shy kid, but many mothers exaggerate and consider it a problem. After the age of four, some children make friends, whereas others stumble and take a long time in integration with those around him.
Both types of children are normal, and it is important for the mother to accept that and not to show her concern before her shy child or complain to her friends or neighbors because if she does so, all she says will form the child's point of view about itself!
Psychologists say: Shyness is a personal characteristic that shows up at about 15% of children, and often shyness is noted when children start walking.
Some of the characteristics of a shy child: Looking down when adults speak to it. Watching children from a distance without mixing with them. It likes others to visit it instead of facing a new environment. Despite all these, a child may hide when visitors come to the house and may cry, moreover in unfamiliar places it may stick to its parents all the time, and it accepts things with difficulty such as new food or a new route to school.
Researchers found that shyness is one of the genetic qualities. Parents who have a shy child should search inside the family for a shy uncle or a shy grandfather. In case they are sure of the existence of such a characteristic, it will become easier for them to deal with their child.
Shy child's needs
Dr. Susan E. Gottlieb, the pediatric counselor, said: Shyness is not a characteristic nor a defect because a child does not choose to be shy and does not have the control over this characteristic. The parents may put pressure on the child because they consider shyness as a barrier, so their reaction shall be yelling at the child's face, harassing, or pushing it to take certain social stances; which makes a child feel that its parents are disappointed or angry because of it and that makes it lose its self-confidence.
By the help of parents, a shy child may become social because it is in dire need of support in social situations. People and new situations are sources of powerful pressure, so the parents should take into account the need for staying with it in the first meetings with its new friends. When a child sees an old friend or two in the first day of school, it will protect it from confusion.
On the other hand, taking the child to new places early may reduce shyness a little, such as coming early to a karate class in order to remove the sense of alienation of that place. Likewise attending its games to give it a feeling of support and discussing the details of the games in which it participated and about its suggestion to the next game.
The parents can help their shy child by understanding, supporting, sympathizing, highlighting, and benefiting from its advantages because having experience in one of the fields gives a child self-confidence. A child feels happy when it talks with its mates, and as soon as having a primary relationship with another child, the relationship grows, and younger children may seem to be good playmates because they are less challenging. Moreover, a child may create a kind of interest with that new child, so bringing a cake when relatives and friends come home will generate a positive attention and such methods will make a child overcome the first few embarrassing moments then a child finds itself interacting with those around it before even moving to the shyness point.
The positive side
A shy child would be more inclined to think deeply and carefully at its choices before taking any action at the maturity age. A shy child is a good observer of people and situations, and many shy children have the ability to understand the feelings of others.
Finally, diversity adds joy to life because not all the people live happily in this life. Quiet children are very observant, and they should play important roles in life such as journalists, scholars, and writers and so on.
It is very annoying that your child clings to your feet during a family gathering or at a party while other children are playing and having fun, however if you take it easy, your child will overcome this stage safely and becomes easier for it to communicate with others and integrate with them. In this regard, Dr. Mary Wallace, the psychological advisory for children, advise you with the following:
● Accept the stage which your child passes by until it accepts it too, grant it your love to feel secure, and it is of a great value and easy for it to communicate with others.
● Do not force your child to speak or integrate with others if it does not want to and give it some time to relax.
● Give it many opportunities to be with other children, especially those who are characterized by calmness and peacefulness.
● Organize its play times at home if this is the only place in which it feels comfortable.
● Send your child to a kindergarten, for this is will develop its social skills.
● Always prepare it for new situations before they even take place such as telling it about the attendants and what will happen, help it focus on the positive side, and discuss whatever it wants until the guest arrives.
● Perhaps your child needs that you show it how to start a conversation: When a child moves toward your child, tell him or her to say: "Hello, what is your name?" By the pass of time, your child will store these trends and will succeed in communicating with others by itself.
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