Dealing With Parents (2/2)

9. Consider Your Own Goods As The Property Of Your Parents

Consider your own goods as the property of your parents and spend your capital on them with an open hand. The Holy Qur'an affirms:

 “They ask thee, what they shall spend. Say what ye spend for good mast go to parents.” [Surat Al-Baqarah: 215]

On one occasion a man came to the presence of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and complained that his father took whatever goods he wanted from him. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sent for that man's father. An old, infirm man came walking with the help of a stick. When the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) interrogated him on the point, the old man submitted: "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! There was a time when I was strong and he was weak and helpless. I had money and he was empty-handed. I never forbade him then to lay his hands on anything that I possessed. Today, he is strong and healthy and I am old and infirm. He has money and I am empty-handed. He now denies me access to his goods." Upon hearing this tale of the old man, the Benefactor of the humanity (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) burst into tears and addressing the son of the old man observed: "You and your goods are the property of your father." 

10. Even If Your Father and Mother are Non-Muslims, Treat Them Well

Even if your father and mother are non-Muslims, treat them well. Continue to pay them respect and devotion and serve them faithfully. However, in case they command you to become a polytheist or indulge in a sinful act, refuse to obey them and sternly repulse their demand. 

"And if your (parents) pressure you to associate someone with Me of which you have no knowledge, obey them not, yet continue to treat them well in the world." 

Asma' (radiAllahu anha) states: "In the sacred lifetime of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), my mother visited me on one occasion. She was a polytheist at that time. I submitted to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): "My mother has come to pay me a visit and she is an unbeliever in Islam. How should I treat her?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Yes, you should continue to show kindness to your mother." [Reported by sahih al-Bukhari] 

11.  Offer Prayers Begging Grace For Your Parents 

Offer prayers begging grace for your parents, Bring to mind their fervent appeals to the Lord and beg His mercy for them with a zealous and sincere heart. God ordains: 

"And say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little." 

In other words, say: "O Creator, with mercy, devotion, affection and love, my Lord, they reared me in childhood and sacrificed their own pleasure and ease for my sake but, they, in their infirmity and helplessness of old age, are more deserving of kindness, and love than I ever was. God! I can pay them no recompense. Do patronize them and show them mercy in their miserable state".

12. Observe Special Care in Looking After Your Mother

Observe special care in looking after your mother. By nature, the mother is weak and more sensitive and needs your better treatment and devotion. Moreover, her favours and sacrifices are comparatively far greater than the father. Hence religion has conceded preferential rights to the mother and has enjoined upon the believers to treat their mothers with special consideration. The Holy Qur'an affirms: 

"And We have commanded unto man kindness towards parents. His mother beareth him with suffering, bringeth him forth with suffering, bearing of him and weaning of him is thirty months." [Surat Al-Ahqaf: 15]

While enjoining upon the believers to show good behaviour towards both father and mother, the Holy Qur'an has drawn a poignant picture of constant suffering of pain and hardships by the mother and has excellently pointed out in a psychological manner the fact that the devoted mother deserves comparatively more of your service and kind behaviour than your father. The same fact has been elucidated in greater detail by the Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). 

Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) reports: "A man came to the presence of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and submitted "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you!' Who deserves the noblest treatment from me?' The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Your mother." He again submitted: "And next?' The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed : "Your mother." When the man submitted for the fourth time: "And who next?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Your father."  [Reported by Al-Adab al-Mufrad] 

Jahma (radiAllahu anhu) paid a call on the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and submitted: "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! I wish to join you in the Jihad and have come to solicit your guidance in this matter. I seek your command." The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enquired from him: "Is your mother alive?" Jahma (God be pleased with him) submitted: "Yea, she is alive." Thereupon the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), said "Return to her then and devote yourself to her service, for Paradise lies under her feet."  [Reported by Ibn Majah, Nasa'i]

Uwais (radiAllahu anhu) was a contemporary of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), but be could never attain the privilege of calling on the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). He had an old mother to whose service he devoted himself day and night. He cherished a great desire to see the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and it was but natural for every Muslim to have a burning desire to catch a glimpse of the Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).   Uwais (radiAllahu anhu) indeed wanted to pay a call, yet the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade him to come. Similarly, Uwais (radiAllahu anhu) cherished an ambition to discharge the obligation of Hajj, yet as long as his mother remained alive,   Uwais (radiAllahu anhu) never set out for the Hajj alone, he fulfilled the desire to perform Hajj only after his mother's demise.

13. Treat Your Foster Mother Well

Treat your foster mother well. Do service to her and show her respect and adoration.   Abu Tafail (radiAllahu anhu) states: ''I once witnessed the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) distributing meat at a place called 'Ja'rana'. Presently, a lady arrived and approached near the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) spread out his sheet for her and the lady sat on it. I enquired from the people, "Who is this lady?" The people told me: "This lady is the foster mother of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). [Reported by abu Dawud] 

14. Remember Your Parents After They Have Passed Away

Remember your parents after they have passed away. Observe the following etiquette to render good service to your deceased parents: 

a. Offer prayers continuously invoking mercy of God upon your dead father and mother.

The Holy Qur'an enjoins upon the pious to say this prayer: “O our Lord! Grant forgiveness to me and my parents and pardon all the faithful on the day of Reckoning.” 

Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) states: "When the deceased is elevated to high degrees of favour, he inquires in astonishment : "How so?" He is informed by God, "Your offspring have been offering prayers begging mercy for you (and God has accepted those petitions of mercy)." 

Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) also states: "The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed : The opportunity to do something ends with one's death, yet there are three things which continue to afford benefit to him after death - a recurring charitable act; knowledge which he has imparted to others from which people derive benefit and thirdly, pious offspring who continue to offer prayers invoking mercy of God upon him. 

b. Fulfil all the contracts and promises made by your parents and carry out their will. 

Your parents must have made many agreements with some people, they might have made a covenant with God; they might have taken a vow; they might have promised to deliver goods to someone; they might have owed a debt to somebody but were unable to discharge it before death overtook them; they might have made a will at the time of their death. Fulfil all these obligations to the extent of your means. 

'Abdullah b. 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) narrates: " Sa'd b. 'Ubada (radiAllahu anhu) submitted to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! My mother had taken a vow, but she expired before discharging it. Can I carry out the vow on her behalf?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: "Why not! You must carry out the vow taken by her." 

c. Show good conduct to the friends of your father and the female companions of your mother. 

Treat them with respect. Seek their advice just as you seek the advice of your elders and pay due regard to their opinions and advice. On one occasion, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "There is no superior deed of piety than that man should do good service to the companions and friends of his father." 

Once   Abu Darda (radiAllahu anhu) fell ill and his condition continued to aggravate till they lost all hope of his life.   Yusuf b. 'Abdullah (radiAllahu anhu) made a long journey and came to enquire after his health. On seeing him,   Abu Darda asked in astonishment: "How are you here?" Yusuf b. 'Abdullah (radiAllahu anhu) replied: "I have come here only to enquire after your health, for you were on terms of deep friendship with my late father." 

Abu Barda (radiAllahu anhu) relates: "When I arrived in Medina, 'Abdullah b. 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) paid me a visit and said : "Abu Barda (God be pleased with you), do you know why I have come to see you?" I replied : "No, I have no idea why you have come here." Thereupon   'Abdullah b. "Umar (radiAllahu anhu) said: "I have heard the Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) as affirming: "The man who wishes to render good service to his father, who is in the grave, ought to show good treatment to his father's companions and friends." Having related this saying of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) 'Abdullah b. 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) remarked: "Brother, my father "Umar and your father (radiAllahu anhu) were on terms of deep friendship. I wish to commemorate this friendship and fulfil its duties." [Reported by Ibn Hibban] 

d. Show constant good treatment to the relations of your parents and entertain full respect and pay due regard to the sanctity of these connections. 

An indifferent and irresponsible conduct towards these relations is tantamount to treating your own parents with indifference and negligence. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Do not observe indifference towards your forefathers. To show carelessness in your conduct towards your parents is to display ingratitude to God." 

15. Discharge Your Full Obligations Towards Your Parents In Their Lifetime

If, God forbid, you have been guilty of negligence in treating your parents well or discharging your full obligations towards them during their lifetime, do not despair of God's mercy. Offer prayers constantly invoking blessings of God upon your deceased parents. It is possible God may forgive your sin of negligence and admit you among the ranks of the pious people. 

Anas (radiAllahu anhu) relates: The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: “If a person does not observe filial devotion to his parents during their lifetime, and both parents or one of them passes away, the person ought to offer prayers for his deceased parents and beg His Mercy and beseech Him to grant salvation to them till God in His Mercy ordains their admission to the rolls of the pious people."