4 - Preferring the wife to the mother and father is also a part of 'Uquq, And this evil practice has become widespread in the present time. If preferring voluntary acts of worship to the mother or father earns one punishment, as demonstrated by the story of Juraij who continued in his voluntary prayer even though his mother called him, then what about what is less important? ‘Uquq becomes even Worse in the case where one prefers his undutiful wife who tries her best to turn her husband away from his father and mother, so that he is hers alone! Such type of women would be outraged if her husband's mother or father had to live with them and causes many problems for her husband; trying to forbid him from being dutiful to his parents. This is one of the worst types of 'Uquq there is.
5 - Refraining from visiting the parents often and from keeping regular contact with them are also types of ‘Uquq. Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated that Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said: “After Allah completed the creation, the Raham (kinship) stood up and declared, 'This is the stand of she who is seeking refuge with You from being severed.' Allah said, 'Does it please you that I keep ties to he who keeps your ties and sever he who severs your ties?' She said, 'Yes, O Lord!' Allah said, 'You have that. ",
Abu Hurairah then said, "Read if you will:
"Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?" (Surah Muhammad, 47:22)
The Companions knew the significance of keeping ties of kinship, as the Hadith emphasized, and strived hard to preserve these ties, especially with parents.
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), for instance, lived in a house next to his mother and would stand at her door whenever he went out and say:
"Peace be unto you, my mother, and Allah’s mercy and blessings." She would reply, "Peace be unto you and Allah's mercy and blessings." Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) would say, "May Allah grant you His Mercy for raising me when I was young," and she would reply, "May Allah grant you His Mercy for being dutiful to me when you grew up." He would often repeat this statement when he went in or out. (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
As we stated, it is a type of 'Uquq to look angrily at parents when one is upset, or consider oneself to be equal or better than his or her parents. Also, 'Uquq towards parents includes children being ashamed of being called to their fathers, out of arrogance, especially when the children are in noted social status and having wealth, while their parents are poor or not socially elevated. Refraining from spending on poor parents, forcing them in some cases to resort to courts so that the judge compels their children to spend on them, is also a type of 'Uquq.
Cursing parents is one of the worst types of 'Uquq there is, and it includes one's cursing other people's parents, thereby prompting them to retaliate by cursing his or her parents. Sometimes, people retaliate by cursing the parents of those who transgress against them by beating, abusing or backbiting. Satan erects a trap for one in this case and lures him to resort to cursing other people's parents in retaliation for the injustice he suffered, and one easily falls into this trap. One's wishing that his father or mother would die so that he could inherit their money, or to get rid of their burden if they were poor, or to "break free" from parents who are vigorous in rearing their children and directing them to righteousness, is also types of 'Uquq. It is as if these children consider their parents a disease of a sort that they need to get rid of. We ask Allah to grant us the best conduct, purify our hearts and guide us to the Straight Path.
There are several Ayat in the Qur'an that command Birr towards parents together, and several other Ayat that command Birr towards the mother or the father, indicating Islam's great care concerning fulfilling the rights of parents and preserving their honor. For instance, Allah said:
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination." (Surah Luqmqn, 31:14)
The mother carries her child for nine months in weakness upon weakness until she gives birth, forgetting her pains when she sees her child besides her after she delivers it. She sees the delight of life in her child and dedicates herself to his service, feeding, protecting, clothing, cleaning, until the weaning ends in two years. The mother keeps taking care of her child from the time he or she walks until the end of her life. This is why Allah mentioned the mother first before the father with regard to obedience. Also there are several Ahadith on this subject, as follows:
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
"A man came to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) and asked him, 'O Allah's Messenger! Who among people deserves that I be most dutiful to?' He said, 'You mother.' He asked, 'Then?' The Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, 'Your mother.' He asked, 'Then?' The Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.' He asked, 'Then.' The Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, 'Your father.'" (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
This Hadith clearly indicates that the mother's share of one's kindness, service, obedience and Birr, as small compensation for her care and efforts, as being three times what the father deserves. The father also has a share, one- fourth as compared to the three-fourths the mother has, because he spends and rears his children, as well as, being the head of the house and the leader of the family. Ibn Battal said:
"The mother suffers three types of hardships that the father does not, the hardship of pregnancy, delivering and nursing."
There is a great wisdom in preferring the rights of the mother, in addition to compensating her for the hardships she suffers , for the mother needs to be taken care of since she is less able than man to earn her living. Therefore, who has more duty to be dutiful, serve and obey her than her own children? Al-Hasan Al-Basri said:
“The father’s right is greater, while Birr towards the mother is more obligatory.”
To further emphasize the significance our Salaf placed on being dutiful to the parents, especially to the mother we should mention that ‘Ali bin Al-Husain bin ‘Ali was once asked:
“Among people, you have the most Birr towards your mother, but we do not see you eat with her? He said, “I fear that she looks at the food and desires a part of it that my hand unwillingly takes before her, I fear I might commit ‘Uquq in this case.” .
This answer came from a descendant of the prophet (Peace be upon him) who was raised to feel Birr in his heart not by his words only. He knows the tremendous rights his mother had on him and reached such an exalted level in his Birr towards her that he would know what his mother thinks of and what she desires even before she speaks.
6 - Birr is necessary to forward the Father:
If One’s father becomes ill, would he or she abandon sleep and tend to the ill father, just as the father would do when his child falls ill? If the father is late coming from work would his children worry about him as he does if they are late? On the contrary, many children show little care towards their fathers and commit errors against them, but fathers forget and forgive; and if a father invoked Allah against his offspring by his tongue, his heart would surely follow it by invoking Allah not to accept his invocation against his offspring.
Therefore, we present this reminder and advice to all those who have wisdom and sound comprehension: think about a person, who for twenty or more years was attending to your needs, hunger, thirst, illness, happiness, comfort and pleasure. If you become thirsty, he gives you something to drink; if you become ill, he brings you medicine; if you become sad, he strives to make you happy; and if you laugh, he feels happy for you. If you stand, he looks at you with eyes of pleasure, and he invokes Allah for you often. How can you ever compensate this man, your father, for the tremendous service, care, kindness, mercy and affection that he gladly gave you? How can you be perfectly appreciative towards he who forsakes his own comfort and well-being for your sake, who grieves if you were ever hurt or even discomforted in any way? Ibrahim bin Dahah wrote to his father, "May Allah make me sacrifice myself for your sake." His father wrote back, "Do not say this, for you will be more patient for my day than I for yours," meaning, "You will be more patient the day I die than I will be the day you die. My death win make you feel sad, but this sadness will fade away by the passage of time. However, your death will wound my heart, and the heart's wound never heals."
 Al-Birr was-Silah, p. 82
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