Making A Distinction Between Mistakes

If Islam is dearer to us than our own selves, we must defend it and protect it and  get angry for its sake more than we get angry for our own sakes and defend our own selves. It is a sign of not having religious feelings if we see a man getting angry for his own sake if someone insults him, but not getting angry for the sake of Allah’s religion if anybody insults it; at most, we may see him feebly defending it in an embarrassed manner.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) often used to forgive those who made mistakes in their interactions with him, especially the hard-hearted Bedouin, in order to soften their hearts. Al-Bukhari (may Allah have mercy on him) reported in his Saheeh that Anas ibn Maalik said:

“I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a stiff collar. A Bedouin accosted him, grabbing his cloak in such a manner that the collar left a mark on the Prophet’s neck, and said, ‘O Muhammad! Give me some of the wealth of Allah that you have!’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something.” (al-Fath, 5809).

But if the mistake had to do with some issue of religion, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would become angry for the sake of Allah. Examples of this will be given below.

There are some other matters which should also be borne in mind when dealing with people’s mistakes, such as:

Making a distinction between major mistakes and minor mistakes, just as Islam makes a distinction between major sins (kabaa’ir) and minor sins (saghaa’ir).

Making a distinction between a person who has a track record of many good deeds, which will more or less cancel out the significance of his mistake, and a sinner who transgresses against himself (by doing evil deeds). People may put up with actions on the part of the one with the good track record that they will not put up with on the part of others. This is what happened to al-Siddeeq (Abu Bakr), as the following story illustrates: Asma’ bint Abi Bakr said:

“We went out with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) as pilgrims, and when we reached al-‘Arj, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stopped to rest, and we stopped with him. ‘Aa`ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) sat beside the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and I sat beside my father. The riding beast shared by Abu Bakr and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was with a slave belonging to Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr sat down waiting for him to catch up, and when he caught up, the camel was not with him. Abu Bakr said, ‘Where is the camel?’ The slave answered, ‘I lost it yesterday.’ Abu Bakr said, ‘One camel, you lost it?’ and started to hit him. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) smiled and said, ‘Look at what this muhrim (person in a state of ihraam for Hajj) is doing.’” Ibn Abi Rizmah said, ‘The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not do any more than saying, ‘Look at what this muhrim is doing,’ and smiling.” (Reported by Abu Dawood in his Sunan, Kitaab al-Manaasik, Baab al-Muhrim yu’addib ghulaamahu. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, no. 1602)

Making a distinction between the one who makes mistakes repeatedly and the one who is making a mistake for the first time.

Making a distinction between the one who frequently makes mistakes and the one who rarely does so.

Making a distinction between the one who makes mistakes openly and blatantly, and one who tries to cover up his mistakes

Paying attention to cases where a person’s adherence to Islam may not be strong and his heart needs to be opened to the religion, so we should not be too harsh with him.

Taking into account a person’s situation as regards status and authority.

The considerations that we have mentioned above do not contradict the fairness and justice referred to earlier.

Rebuking a youngster who makes a mistake should be done in a manner appropriate to the child’s age. Al-Bukhari (may Allah have mercy on him) reported that al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali took one of the dates that had been given in charity, and put it in his mouth. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said in Persian,

“Kakh, kakh, do you not know that we do not eat the sadaqah (things given in charity)?” (Fath, 3072).

Al-Tabaraani (may Allah have mercy on him) reported from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that she entered upon the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) whilst he was performing ghusl. She said,

“He took a handful of water and threw it in my face, saying, ‘Go away, foolish girl!’”(al-Mu’jam al-Kabeer, 24/281. Al-Haythami said, its isnaad is hasan, al-Majma’, 1/269)

From this it is clear that a child’s tender years do not mean that his mistakes should not be corrected; indeed, correcting his mistakes is giving him the best upbringing, as it will be imprinted in his memory and will benefit him in the future. The first hadeeth shows how a child is taught to fear Allah and restrain himself, and the second hadeeth shows how he is taught good manners, how to seek permission to enter, and to refrain from looking at the ‘awrah (that which should be covered) of others.

Another brilliant example of correcting children is the story of the young boy ‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah. Al-Bukhari reported that he said:

“I was a young boy under the care of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and my hand used to wander all over the plate (at mealtimes). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to me: ‘O young boy! Say Bismillah, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is directly in front of you.’ This remained my way of eating from that time on.” (al-Fat’h, no. 5376)

We may note that when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) advised that young boy who made the mistake of letting his hand go everywhere in the food, his words were short, brief and clear, which made it easy for the child to remember and understand; the effect on the boy’s heart lasted for a lifetime, as he said, “This remained my way of eating from that time on.”