Islam Recommends Reconciliation

Status of Women in Islam (6)

Islam Recommends Reconciliation

A careful study of the laws of the Qu’ran which relate to marriage and divorce will show that the spirit of the verses unmistakably points to a prevention of divorce, and that everywhere a reconciliation is recommended in the most appealing terms. Before the parties proceed to the extremity of divorce for unavoidable reasons, it is expressly laid down, that all lawful means be adopted for avoiding a breach; and it is only in the event of their failure that a separation is permitted, of course, as a last recourse. Under such extreme circumstances, divorce is not merely permissibly, but has been held quite expedient, and recourse to it is recommended, in spite of deterrents, like poverty. It is believed. God Himself opens out many a way for those whose intentions are honest: “And if they separate, God will make them richer out of His abundance, for God is extensive and wise.” [4:129]. It is interesting to note that nearly the same idea is expressed in the Qu’ran where those who are single are exhorted to marry.

“Marry those who are single among you, and such as are honest of your menservants and your maid servants, if they be poor, God will enrich them of His abundance.” [24:32]. It follows, then, that according to the Islamic laws, divorce, under certain circum-stances, is as necessary as marriage.

The Qu’ran directions in respect of the adoption of the courses that tend to make reconciliation possible, are as explicit as they are full of wisdom. Thus, in the chapter on women, we read:- “Virtuous women are obedient, careful during the husband’s absence, because God has of them been careful. But those, for whose refractoriness you have cause to fear, chide; remove them into beds apart; and chastise them, but if they are obedient to you, then seek not occasion against them: verily God is High and Great. And if you fear a breach between husband and wife, send a judge out of his family, and a judge out of her family: if they are desirous of agreement, God will effect reconciliation between them; for God is Knowing and Apprised of all.” [4:33-34]

If woman is chaste and mindful of her duties as wife, the Islamic law makes it obligatory upon the husband to associate with her on the best of terms, and with kindness and courtesy. But, if she proves refractory in her behaviour, the law grants on the husband the power of correction if exercised in moderation.” [1]

The flow and tone of the verses quoted above, point to the desirability of exercising the power of correction in three degrees. He may begin with a reproach, if her conduct calls for such. Then, if she still remains rebellious, he may banish her from his bed for a few days. If this also proves unavailing, he may next beat his wife, but not so as to cause her permanent injury, for he is not allowed to use violence, even under extreme provocation.”[2] In the event of failure of all these measures, divorce need not follow, but a resort to arbitrators is advised, each party being represented by a member of his or her family. Arbitrators after hearing both sides, shall attempt by all possible means, to bring about a reconciliation, if their efforts prove unsuccessful, they may grant a repudiation, when empowered by both parties to do so. The Prophet, who no doubt understood importance of Qu’ranic verses better than anybody else, is reported on good authority to have said: “Feed your wife as you feed yourself, cloth her as you cloth yourself, ‘strike her not on her face, separate not from her, except within the house; but if she persists in her refractoriness…begin with admonitions, and awaken in her the fear of God the Most High; if she does not submit, banish her from your bed, and converse not with her for three days; if she still refuses to mend her manners, beat her but not so as to leave any mark on her person, as would be the case if a rod were used: for the object is to correct her, and not to destroy her. Should this course fail to mend matters, let the case be referred to two Muslim arbitrators, free and just, one chosen from the family of each of the parties; and they shall see whether in that particular case reconciliation or separation is desirable; and their decision shall be binding upon them both.” [3]

When, however, the cause of disagreement proceeds from the husband, the wife is certainly not given the power of correction, but then, she is empowered by the Islamic law to obtain a divorce, if she so desires. Before the advent of Islam, neither the Jews nor the Arabs recognised the right of divorce for women: and it was the Qu’ran that, for the first time in the history of Arabia, gave this great privilege to women.

I give below some of the verses of the Qu’ran, and the reader will see how they ask us to make allowance for the frailties, to which our human nature is prone, and in what manner reconciliation is recommended. It is impossible to read the verses without being impressed with their appealing tone and graceful simplicity. “And if a woman”, so runs the fine verse: - “Fears ill usage or aversion, on the part of her husband, it shall be no fault in them, if they can agree with mutual agreement; for agreement is best.[4] Souls are prone to avarice [5], but if you act kindly and fear God, then verily your actions are not unnoticed by God. And you will not have it at all in your power to treat your wives alike, even though you fain would do so; but yield not wholly to disinclination, so that you leave one of them, as it were, in suspense; but if you come to an understanding, and fear God, verily God is Forgiving and Merciful; but if they separate, God can compensate both out of His abundance, for God is Vast and Wise.” [4:127-129]

We have seen, then that divorce is permissible in Islam only in cases of extreme emergency. When all efforts for effecting a reconciliation have failed, the parties may proceed to a dissolution of the marriage by “Talaq” or by “Kholaa”.[6] When the proposal of divorce proceeds from the husband, it is called “Talaq”, and when it takes effect at the instance of the wife it is called “Kholaa”.

Under many law systems, divorce was certainly permitted, but it could not be revoked. But Islam legislator, while he permitted divorce, recognised under certain circumstances, the right of return in the husband. This privilege, in Islam early years was indefinitely exercised, and often abused to the disadvantage of women, until the Prophet received revelations, setting limits to the divorce act, and forbidding unjustifiable cruelty to wives, by keeping them in suspense for an indefinite period. [7]

“You may divorce your wives, and then either retain them with humanity, or dismiss them with kindness.” [2:229]

“When you divorce women, and the time for sending them is come either retain them with generosity, or put them away with generosity; but retain them not by constraint so as to be unjust toward them. He who doth so indeed injures himself.” [2:231]