As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
I suffer from some problems since I was young.
The first of these problems is: I do not wish goodness for others and the reason for that is my mother who trained me for preferring myself to others.
I feel upset very much with myself and I wish to change but I cannot. My conditions were very difficult and I was oppressed long time during my life in many fields from my point of view and the views of others. Those hard conditions made me hate all the people around me, and accordingly all my rights were lost.
Most of my friends got married but I have not until now. As for the job, I have been between jobs for some time during which I was sexually harassed and someone tried to rape me until I hated work and I had a bad psychological condition.
Since then, I have not wished goodness for anyone because I believe that people will take away everything from me. I know that Allah allocates provisions for the people and destiny is destiny, but my hatred to the people made me isolated to the extent that if I am able to do goodness for the people, I do not do it. For example, if I find a job and I know that someone wants that job, I do not tell him or her about it.
I feel that I am psychologically defeated but my hope in Allah is great and I wish you could help me.
As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).
In the beginning, let me express my admiration of your frankness, your determination to change yourself, and your access to the core of the problem because defining the problem is an important part in solving. This prevents you from leaving the matter without cure because Allah has guided you to the problem and the solution as well and made you ready to fix that problem. I am also happy that you did not rely on your rearing background which I hope that you benefit from in the future by avoiding rearing your children that way; therefore I consider your talk a positive step in the way of solution.
(You do not love goodness for people) which is known in Islam with envy. Envy is wishing the removal of a bounty from a person.
There are two types of envy:
1- Wishing to be the best which is natural at all people, but it is just an inner feeling and does not result in any apparent behavior; this is the natural envy.
2- The disgraced envy which is hating to see someone better than you or has a bounty, along with wishing the removal of that bounty, and wishing bad luck for him. All these are features for the morbid behavior that is called envy.
● Then, you need to reform your ideas and psychology toward others through acting the opposite to what you want. When you know that someone needs an employee and you know that one of your friends has a job, you should tell him about the job. So, you do opposite to what yourself tells you, wish goodness for him, and you will find that yourself will be happy forcibly. When you know that the person was accepted in a job, go to him and congratulate him or her on it, accordingly you will break the barrier inside yourself, eradicate your innerself disease, and yourself will get used to the love of goodness to others because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "None of you shall be perfect in faith until he loves goodness to his Muslim brother as he loves it to himself." Try to disagree with the selfishness and favoritism of yourself, and you shall change these bad qualities to giving, cooperation, and loving goodness to the people. This conflict shall be harsh in the beginning, so you have to observe patience, not to rush things or give up to the resulting pains.
Learn how to speak to yourself positively and increase your self-confidence such as repeating this statement: "I love goodness for others." Keep away from negative dialogues such as: "I am not beloved by people, or the people are ignoring me...etc." Change the words of failure to words that push you forward and raise your self-confidence. When you have any feeling of envy toward someone's bounty, remember that Allah (Glory be to Him) says: "And from the evil of the envier when he envies." [Surat Al Falaq: 5].
Moreover, you have to ask yourself a question: Is the real happiness in being distinct and superior to everyone or is it in loving goodness for all the people as I love it to myself?
● Ask yourself a question: What should happen so that you would be content with yourself and performance? You have to choose a response that does not depend on others but only focus on you and your performance. You should change your belief that the success of others will reduce your success, value, or the love of others to you. Focus on yourself and your abilities such as your way of writing because you can express precisely about what goes on in yourself. This will make you a spectacular writer, so use it away from comparing yourself to others, to the position they reached, or comparing their achievements to yours. You have to get rid of your negative ideas and that someone is watching your progress and steal it from you, so replace these negative ideas with another positive ones and learn optimism and positivity in the way you look to things.
● Push away all the worry and distress you feel when you hear that someone of your colleagues was given a job or marriage through supplication. So, when you hear a news like this, haste to invoking Allah for yourself and your friends with blessing the favors which Allah has given you. Say: "O Allah, guide her, O Allah grant her success." You should invoke Allah for her as you invoke Allah for yourself, thereby you cut the way of Satanic insinuations and cancel the weakness of yourself.
When negative ideas jump into your mind and you cannot push them away, make a useful behavior to get rid of these ideas, practice some hobbies and activities in which you empty your negative energies, practice sport such as walking because sport keeps the psychological body balance and increase your self-confidence. Try to train yourself for physical relaxation because whenever a person is relaxed, his ideas shall be optimistic. You have to read specialized books about self-management and how to achieve success and happiness and how to make others love you.
By this, God Willing, you shall be able to get rid of that bad quality and I am sure that you will succeed and pass this stage by practical behaviors and invocations, and you shall feel that you are a natural person and shall become happy.
Draw nearer to Allah (Glory be to Him) through invocation: "O Allah, make me one of those who love goodness for Muslims as they love it to themselves." Offer Salah frequently and recite the Qur'an because it purifies the heart and fills it with tranquility and comfort.
At last, dear sister, I ask Allah (Glory be to Him) to grant you success. I hope you continue contacting with us to tell us the results, and you shall find us always at your service through our website. Thank you!