Peace be upon you! I suffer from a big problem: I am a Muslim girl and I love a Christian guy.
He has changed completely for my sake: He abandoned drinking alcohol and abandoned committing sins after many tries.
He is well-mannered to the extent that I say to him: You are so good and it is not fair to throw yourself in Hell, so save yourself.
Now he is convinced with Islam, but he fears that his family would kill him.
He said to me: I want to become a Muslim to marry you. I said to him: No, embrace Islam for the sake of Allah alone and not for me.
I told my mother, but she hit me and deprived me of going to college, so I told her that he wanted to become a Muslim. She said: Even if he embraces Islam, you will never marry a Christian.
I love him. He thought that he can embrace Islam and we leave our parents, but I fear my family and the people; could you help me?
As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
Let us ponder over Allah's Saying: "You (O Muhammad peace be upon him) will not find any people who believe in Allâh and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allâh and His Messenger (Muhammad peace be upon him), even though they were their fathers, or their sons, or their brothers, or their kindred (people). For such He has written Faith in their hearts, and strengthened them with Rûh (proofs, light and true guidance) from Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens (Paradise) under which rivers flow to dwell therein forever. Allâh is pleased with them, and they with Him. They are the Party of Allâh. Verily, it is the Party of Allâh that will be the successful." [Surat Al Mujadalah: 22].
Whoever is convinced with Islam and his heart is sure of the truth how would he live in disbelief?
Whoever wants to embrace Islam, but fears the violence of his family, cannot he embrace Islam secretly until he could announce his faith?
Earlier Muslims were tortured when their families and kin knew about their Islam. It is not hidden from you what they suffered, but that did not leave Islam and succeeded in freeing themselves from fire.
Whoever is sure that Islam is the true religion and desires sincerely to embrace it cannot wait or even stay in disbelief.
Do you know the story of Um Sulaym (may Allah be pleased with her) when Abu Talhah asked her hand in marriage?
"Abu Talhah came to Um Sulaym asking for her hand in marriage before becoming a Muslim. She said: O Abu Talhah, someone like you cannot be rejected, but you are unbeliever, whereas I am a believing woman. I cannot marry you. He said: Who can make you marry me? She said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). Abu Talhah went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) while the Prophet (peace be upon him) was sitting with his Companions.
So, the Prophet (peace be upon him) informed him of what Um Sulaym said and allowed him to marry her after his Islam. Thabit said: We have not heard that there was a dowry given to any woman more precious than her where her dowry was the Islam of Abu Talhah." [The major Sunan of Al Bayhaqy with slight paraphrasing].
She never said something to convince him of Islam and did not repeat the tries nor said anything that a Muslim woman should say to a non-Muslim.
She neither loved him nor attached with him while his heart is full of disbelief.
She did not wish to marry him and did not endeavor to convince him to abandon alcohol or sins which are less harmful than disbelief itself.
She did not said to him: You do not deserve to enter Hell-fire.
However, she said to him a clear statement: Someone like you cannot be rejected, but you are a non-Muslim, whereas I am a Muslim woman. I cannot marry you.
So, repent to Allah of your tries and talking to him without right and without the contentment of Allah.
This is from one hand, and from the other hand, if he embraced Islam, it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry without the consent of her family and without a Wali (guardian).
So, do not make your love blinds you away from seeing the truth because that may ruin your life as you have not seen the number of consultations which are full of grief and sorrows that are being sent daily from girls who decided to marry those whom they loved and left their families and escaped to the life of happiness.
A girl is soft and emotional for some extent, but that emotion and that soft heart prevent her from taking the right decisions and do not feel the seriousness of what she has done except after a while.
The one with whom she escaped no longer respects her because she ran away from her family for a person she barely knows.
An eastern man -even if he is a non-Muslim- does not respect a girl escapes from her family for her love, moreover he feels that he has married a woman who does not have someone to ask about her or protect her.
So, he does not treat her as he treats a girl who has a family and kins; this is a feeling possesses sick-hearted people. The people of Shu`ayb declared that clearly: "They said: "O Shu`aib! We do not understand much of what you say, and we see you weak (it is said that he was a blind man) among us. Were it not for your family, we should certainly have stoned you and you are not powerful against us."" * He said: "O my people! Is then my family of more weight with you than Allâh? And you have cast Him away behind your backs. Verily, my Lord is surrounding all that you do." [Surat Hud: 91 -92].
Beware not to fall in that so as not to come after several years with a message entitled: "I left my family for his sake then he abandoned me."
Dear sister, life is full of trials: Some people is tried by sickness, some of them are tried by fear, some are tried by love, and some are tried by family, and we were not created therein to enjoy prosperity, but Allah created us for one cause and one goal. "And I (Allâh) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)." [Surat Az-Zariyat: 56].
Observing patience in trials and overcoming crises with firm heart are acts of worship.
It seems that you will not be able to marry him even if he embraced Islam, so what is your need to continue the relationship with him?
You will waste some years of your life waiting for his Islam or waiting for a solution for your problem, and you will waste the chance to have a good husband, and then nothing shall avail.
It seems harsh for a heart that fell in love, but harshness benefits sometimes where it awakes us from our heedlessness.
So, what you are heading to without using your mind is something dangerous and against your future life. How many things a person thinks to be full of goodness by mere reason and short sight. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allâh knows but you do not know." [Surat Al Baqarah: 216].
Allah knows and we do not know because He (may He be Exalted) encompassed everything with His Knowledge and nothing is hidden from Him on earth nor in the sky, so nothing will happen except what Allah destined.
The destiny of Allah must take place and how to ignore something that is evident. You have to cut your relationship with him and you should bear the pains for the sake of Allah.
Put your trust in Allah and He will compensate you, be sure that He shall grant you a good Muslim guy who did not live in Christianity and did not drink the despise of Islam and Muslims.
Finally, how hard a Muslim is fascinated by a non-Muslim woman or vice-versa, so his whims and desires make him blind to see the truth!
"Ibn Al Jawzy mentioned that one of the reciters was fighting for the sake of Allah against the Romans. When he was in some battles and Muslims were besieging a Roman town, he looked at a Christian woman in that fort and fell in love from the first sight.
Then he sent a message to her saying: How can I get to you? She said: Become a Christian and come up to me. He did as she asked.
When Muslims saw him with the Roman, they grieved severely and that was hard on them. After a while, when he was with that woman in the fort, they said: O so and so, how did your Qur'an affect you? How did your knowledge affect you? How did your fasting affect you? How did your Jihad affect you? How did your Salah affect you? He said: I have forgot the whole volume of the Qur'an except Allah's Saying: "How much would those who disbelieved wish that they had been Muslims [those who have submitted themselves to Allâh's Will in Islâm i.e. Islâmic Monotheism - this will be on the Day of Resurrection when they will see the disbelievers going to Hell and the Muslims going to Paradise]." [Surat Al Hijr: 2] and now I have money and Roman children." [Al Bidayah Wa An-Nihayah vol. 11 / p. 74].