Fulfilling Marital Responsibilities (1/2)

This issue has many points of discussion.  I will try and run through them in brief.  The issue is really summed up by two verses of the Qur'an:

"And treat them with kindness,"[1]

"They have as many rights as duties with kindness."[2]

There are three types of rights involved. The first is the right of the husband over the wife.   The basis of this is found in the verses:

"Men are supervisors over women because Allah has made some of them superior over others; and also because of what they spend from their wealth.”[3]

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"Men are a degree higher than them (women).”[4]

The Rights of the Husband over his Wife

The rights of the husband may be summed up as follows:

1. Being a supervisor. This is a right that many men have waived by their own choice and deem such conduct as being good for the wife.  This is wrong.  This is because women, by their very nature, wish to lean on someone's shoulders. And even though many women love to boast in front of their peers about how obedient their husbands are, they still fill is that vacuum  of not having  a strong  foundation  m their  own house.

In contrast  the  woman  who  complains  that  her husband  is too  domineering  will  always  know,  deep  in her heart,  that she has  the comfort  of a strong  husband  to fall back  upon. Perhaps I should elucidate this with an example.

When a certain   town or country loses control over its security, the towns-people can do whatever they like. There is no psychological reassurance and therefore   the fear of violence always lingers in the air. In contrast when a certain   town   or   country is controlled by strict security measures and leadership, even those who detest the government will feel safe and secure.

So when men relegate themselves from the position of supervision, they are not actually doing women any favours. In fact, they are doing them a great disservice.   The Prophet (Peace be upon him) spoke the truth when he said:

"No nation can prosper when they relinquish their authority to a woman.”[5] 

This hadith applies in general, even in the house.  I believe  that  when  a woman  asks  her husband  to be firm and  fulfill  his role as a supervisor - just as she demands  him to spend on her - her request  will be a source of stability  to the family.

The aunt of Hussain ibn Muhsin (may Allah be pleased with her) came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) who asked her if she was married and if so, how she was with her husband. She  said  she  made  every  effort  to serve  him and  keep  him happy  as  much  as possible.  The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:  "Be careful how you are with him. He can either be your Paradise or (means of) your Hell ...”[6]

2.  Not to allow anyone in the house without his permission.

This is borne out by the narration of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him), says:  "No woman should fast while her husband is present except with his leave.  No woman should allow anyone in his house while he is present except with his leave.....”[7]

Nawwawi (may Allah be pleased with him) says: "this is when she does not know of the husband's pleasure in allowing the person inside. When she knows that her husband would not mind at all, then this rule does not apply."[8] This is the usual practice. To sum up, an understanding of the husband's desire and permission (either explicitly or implicitly) should be considered.[9]

3. Serving the husband.          

The correct opinion in this disputed matter is that it is compulsory for the wife to serve the needs of her husband. Obviously, this will differ from husband to husband, but nevertheless, it still remains one of her duties. The aforementioned   hadith of the aunt of Hussain (may Allah be pleased with her) is testimony to that.   We find that many wives - merely for the sake of boasting and following others blindly – demand the husbands to provide servants for them in chores which they can carry out themselves. This is one practice that ruffles marriages because it puts an extra financial burden on the husband.

You might perhaps be taken aback by the story of someone who broadcast his lifestyle on the radio. His salary was 7,000 riyals and he rented in a rented apartment with two servants. He justified this expenses by saying it was the wife who wanted this kind of standard.

Also what can be said to the wife applies equally well to the husband. He should consider her well-being and happiness when asking her to do chores.

4. Not to assume voluntary fasting without his permission.

The hadith for this has already been cited. This is because the husband will not be able to enjoy her if he so desires during her fast. This applies only to voluntary fasting and not to compulsory fasting.

5. She should safeguard herself, his wealth and his children.

The wife is the caretaker of the husband's house while he is absent. The most precious belongings of any human being are honour, wealth and children. These items are a trust in the hands of the wife and she will be questioned about these. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: "The wife is a caretaker in the house of her husband and she will be questioned about it.” [10]

This is sufficient information about the rights of a husband.

(Continued)