Why do We follow the Method of Reward, rather than Threat? (1/3)

Because:

• Allah says, "Call unto the way of thy Lord with wisdom and fair exhortation"(Surat An-Nahl: 125)

• The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "Whenever there is gentleness in anything, it becomes good and, whenever gentleness is removed from anything, it becomes bad".

• The main target is to make kids love prayer. However, threat creates hatred. If they loved prayer, this love will lead to their minds, hearts, and flow with their blood. They can never give up prayer for the rest of their lives, and vice versa.

• Reward involves mercy and our beloved Prophet (Peace be upon him) advised us to be merciful. He said, "Allah is merciful towards merciful people", and "If you are merciful to those who are on the earth, you will have the mercy of He who is in the sky."(Narrated by Al Tirmidhi and Abu Dawood).Thus, to carry out this task let us raise the slogan of mercy and patience.

• Threat creates fear in their little souls. If they fear us, they will pray only in our presence. This practice contradicts their fear of Allah secretly and openly. Moreover, this fear cannot generate but psychological complexes that lead to a cul-de-sac.

• Threat makes them unable to carry out our orders, rather it makes them search for means to restore their pride. We must remember that the lover obeys his beloved.

• There is also another goal that is making kids continue to pray for the rest of their lives .Thus, a relation based on fear and hatred cannot last for long.

How could we reward our kids? 

Firstly, parents, or those who bring up the kid, must agree with each other on a certain fixed policy to prevent confusion that can make all efforts in vain. For example, If the mother gave the kid a prize for his  commitment to praying  ,then the father gave him more than his mother without doing anything that deserves being rewarded, the first prize would be little and valueless!!!

If the mother punished the kid for leaving prayer, then the father came and pleased the kid by all means, all efforts will be in vain!

In case of rewarding the kid, the reward must be fast, to make him feel that there is a return for his acts. This is because kids forget quickly. For instance, if he performed the five prayers, the reward must be after Evening(Ishaa) prayer immediately.

The first phase: early childhood (From three to five years)

Kids at this phase start to be independent; have their own personality, but they also like to imitate. Thus, it is a mistake to prevent them from imitating us when we pray saying "No my son, you have the right to play now, you can pray when you are seven". The right act is to leave them imitate us, and act spontaneously to gain their independence by doing what they wish without interference (except if they are in danger)… "If the kid stands beside a praying person and instead of kneeling and prostrating he starts to clap his hands or to play, for instance, we should not comment on his action". We must also remember that, in this phase, they may pass before praying persons, sit in front of them, climb their backs, or cry. In the latter case, we can carry them during prayer, if we fear that they may be harmed, and there is no one else to care for them at home. At this age, we must not blame them for any mistakes in their prayer.

In this phase, they can memorize Surah Al-Fateha, Al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq, and An-Nas).

The second phase (from five to seven)

Simple, quiet, and nice talk concerning the blessings of Allah and His mercy and love for humans supported with examples makes the kid spontaneously eager to satisfy His God. In this phase, our talk must be highly focused on Allah, His might, His fairest names and His grace. Again, in return for His attributes, we must obey Him. This obedience is both easy and lovely .It has good effects on our lives. Moreover, there must be a good model for the kid to follow him. As soon as he sees his parents praying five times per day without complains, this will positively affect his attitude towards this worship. He likes it as others like it .He get used to praying like any daily routine, or habit.

However, to save prayer from turning into a habit and to put it in its right place as worship, there must be some religious teaching for the kid. It is proper in this case to narrate the story of "Night-journey and ascension" when prayer was assigned, or stories about the great companions who love prayer deeply.

We must always avoid preaching, severe criticism, and threat, not to mention that it is not allowed to beat them at this age. Positive reinforcement method should be followed, i.e. we must encourage them until prayer becomes an essential part of his life.

We must provide warm water for our kids in winter because they may avoid prayer because of cold water. Moreover, little things, which may seem trivial to adults, may have great effect on girls. For example, a small colored and embroidered veil, or a rug for a girl, could have a great influence.

If we noticed that the kid is lazy, we could allow him to pray two units (Raka'a) until he realizes later the enjoyment of prayer. Later, we teach him number of units for Noon, and Afternoon prayers to complete them after that. We can also encourage kids who refuse to perform ablution (Wudu) by making a line starting with the lazy kid, as leader, for all members of the house.

It must be noted that training on prayer should be performed regularly .The kid starts to pray Dawn prayer daily, then Noon prayer etc. till he gets used to praying the five prayers. He also starts to pray at any time after calls of prayers. Later, we train him to perform Sunnah according to his ability.

Encouragement plays an important role. We can use various kinds of reward. The reward should not necessarily be money. Again, the kid can be rewarded for praying the five prayers even if their time is out. Later, he will be rewarded if he prays all prayers at their times .Then, a bigger reward can be given, if he prays immediately after calls of prayers.

We should teach him that his moves to pray are like moving towards paradise. We can also appeal to his goodness by saying "my dear I imagine you flying with two wings in paradise ",

"I am sure that Allah is pleased with your deeds and He loves you due to your efforts in prayers",

or "I can imagine you playing with other kids in paradise and the Prophet (Peace be upon him) is playing with you after performing congregational prayer with him."…etc.

As for boys, accompanying their fathers (or other trusted company) to the mosque brings happiness .This is because they love their fathers .Moreover, they like going outside the house. Shoes with ties that need time and effort must be avoided. We must not forget to teach kids simple rules of cleaning oneself like avoiding urine and other impurities on their clothes. We should teach them how to clean themselves after defecation, and urination. Again, decencies of using water closets and necessity of keeping his body and clothes clean must be taught. Relationship between cleanliness and prayer must be explained.

Practical training on ablution is necessary following the example of the great companions with their kids.

(Continued)