Why do We follow the Method of Reward, rather than Threat? (2/3)

The third phase: late childhood (from seven to ten)

In this phase, it is noted that behavior of kids concerning prayer is generally changed. They become uncommitted to prayer even if they were used to praying. They become more rebellious, and stubborn. In this case, we must use wisdom to deal with them. We should not ask them directly: "have you prayed Afternoon prayer?" because they may lie or pretend. The normal response of parents may be shouting or pretending to believe. However, it is better to remind them of prayer indirectly saying, "O' youth, Afternoon prayer" for once, twice, or thrice". If they answer that they prayed in their room, you could say "Now, blessing is only in your room, let's pray in my room to bless it; angels descend with mercy in places of prayer, and this prayer would be a Nafela (additional worship). We should talk quietly and cheerfully to prevent them from lying again.

If the kid persists on his situation, the mother or the father can stand close to him, not to embarrass him, saying strictly: "I am waiting for something important that you should do without delay."

Various means of reward should be followed. As for girls, is enough to say, "Let's pray together." Girls generally prefer congregational prayer because it is easier. On the other hand, boys prefer prayers in Masjids, which is a chance for amusement after long hours of studying. To insure that they are going to the Masjid, we can ask them to buy bread, or ask about a neighbour, etc.

In both cases of boys and girls, we must not neglect encouragement, reinforcement. We must point out that their commitment to prayer is the most beautiful thing that we like in their character. This commitment is an overwhelming characteristic surpassing all other defects and defaults.

In this age, kids can learn rulings of purity, characteristics of the Prophet (Peace be upon him), and some supplications of prayer.

The seventh birthday should not be a casual occasion. It is a special occasion on which we can invite relatives to celebrate. Moreover, we can decorate the house because it is the age of starting to commit to prayer!!!

Undoubtedly, this affects the kid positively. An announcement for this occasion could also be made two months or a month before to create suspense.

In this phase, the kid starts to pray five times per day .We can give him the following timetable: 

This time table can be put in his room. Then, he puts marks in cells before each prayer. At the end of each day, we can reward him by giving him stickers he likes. If he performed all prayers, parents would bring a weekly present for him according to their ability.

If he lost a prayer, we should encourage him to pray it later.

By the time, he becomes used to perform prayers at their times. We can teach him to pray as soon as he hears the calls for prayers by saying "when we hear the doorbell, we postpone anything and open it. Calls for prayer are like doorbells; they remind us that it is time to meet Allah now!!"

When he gets used to praying immediately after calls for prayers, we should teach him Sunnah and that it is optional now. When he grows up, he can pray Sunnah.

The following are some hints that help kids commit to prayers:

•        The kid should touch an attentive sensation from his parents towards prayers. For instance, if the kid wants to sleep before Evening prayer, the father should immediately say, "wait for Evening prayer, and we will pray together, and then you can sleep". If the kid wants to go the club or visit his relatives nearly before Sunset prayer, parents should say, "let's pray first, and then you can go out".

•        It is also preferable to make a relation between times of prayers and appointments. For instance, "we shall meet somebody in Afternoon prayer", and "Someone is going to visit us after Sunset prayer"

•        Islam encourages sports that protect and strengthen our bodies. "Strong believer is better than weak believer for Allah". However, sports must not affect times of prayers.

•        If the kid is sick, we can train him on prayers according to his health. Thus, he is going to learn that there is no excuse for abandoning prayers. If he is traveling, he should learn how to shorten and perform prayers together. He should know that this license is a bounty from Allah, and Islam is a religion of mercy.

•        We should teach him to be courageous when he calls his friends for prayers. He should not be ashamed, if he ended a phone call to pray in the Masjid. He should not mock his friends who did not pray. However, he may advise them to be like him. Finally, he should thank Allah for his grace which others are deprived of.

•        We should teach our kids gradually to perform (Nafela) prayers. All religiously legitimate means could be used to implant prayer in their souls such as:

* Using rulers with pictures that show how to perform ablution and prayers may help.

**Teaching them mathematics and multiplication in relation to prayer. For example (If a man performed two units, then he prayed four in Afternoon prayer, how many units did he performed?). If the kid is a bit older, we can use examples like (If the distance between a house and a Masjid is 500metres and a man walks 40 centimeters per step, how many steps did he walk to reach the mosque and be back again?, and if you know that Allah gives 10 bounties for each step, how much bounties will he take?)

***We can use video and cassette tapes that explain how to perform ablution and prayers and all other means.

The author thinks that if parents cooperated to do their roles in early childhood, they would not need to punish their kids when they are ten. The evidence is that our Prophet asked us to train them on prayer at seven and not to beat them until ten. Thus, beating is prescribed for kids who have such training, and refuse to pray. If beating becomes the only means, parents should not beat kids severely. They must also avoid slapping their faces, beating in front of others, or in rage. It must be generally noted that the purpose of beating is remedy and reform, rather than insult or punishment.

If parents think that beating, will create problems or cause hatred of prayers they must stop altogether. They can try the following graded program and use their wisdom as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, "A Muslim should be wit and sagacious."

We should remember that commitment to prayer is like any other acquired behavior, needs sensitive treatment due to its importance and religious significance.

However, when the Prophet (Peace be upon him) tackled this issue, he regarded this aspect, and said, "Teach them to pray at seven and punish them at ten". Thus, the word "teach" involves following specific steps for time duration of three years to acquire this behavior. Then, punishment starts as an educational means of behavior acquisition .Thus; time is an important factor that we should not ignore in behavior acquisition. Providing our guidance does not suffice, but it needs a plan, specific steps, and enough time to achieve our goal. Having a motive is also important. To have a motive, this should start early to help values, and meanings accumulate in kids' minds. These values, and meanings enable them to have a motive rooted within them towards acquiring such behavior. Accordingly, if parents were late in trainings their kids until ten, they would need more time than other parents, who started earlier. In fact, this is due to the nature of psychological and mental formation at this age that needs more effort than younger kids do. Hence, this needs patience, and wisdom, rather than anxiety, and tension…

In this phase, the kid needs us to understand his emotions and feel his problems and burdens. Hence, prayer should not be our sole interest but we should care for the kid himself. In this phase, he starts to think of the world around him, and development that are going to happen to him after one or two years, as we told him .playing has its great importance for him. Therefore, he may forget prayers on purpose because it is imposed on him. This imposition may cause a psychological pressure .Thus; we should not ask him about prayer every time we see him. We should remember that Allah does not impose prayer on him, but he has to be trained. Again, if we inquire about his problems, or fears, this would strengthen our relationship, and increase mutual trust. Accordingly, parents would be his faithful support and warm resort. Having kids trust; they became responsive regarding prayers, and other worships such as veil.

(Continued)