Disobedient Behaviour in the Child - Its Causes and Remedy (1/4)

Poverty, need and hunger

When a child finds around him poverty and hunger, want and despair, and he feels frustrated on not getting the necessities of life including his share of food and clothing, then he will go out to earn a livelihood. This is the time when he comes under the influence of criminals and immoral people. The equitable Shari‘ah of Islam ensures that all people receive food, clothing and housing, and that poverty and hunger are eradicated. It sees to it that people get opportunity to work and earn a livelihood. The handicapped obtain stipends from the Treasury. It aids the bread-earner. It looks after the orphans, the widows and the old people in such a way that they live honourably. The observance of its injunctions will free the society from recanting and criminal behaviour.

The quarrelsome parents

When his parents are at loggerheads with each other, the child seeks to escape from this offensive surrounding. He then spends his time with his favourite friends. If these friends are evil, he too turns into a menace for the society. Islam has set guidelines for the selection of marriage partners. The pair may live in love and harmony. They may co-operate with each other and be safe from bickering.

Divorce and the resultant poverty and hunger

Those children also deviate whose parents are divorced. When they do not find a loving mother and a caring father, the children tend to develop bad habits. When the divorced woman remarries, the children turn to misconduct. Generally, if she is poor, a divorced woman seeks employment leaving the young children unattended and free to roam about. The obnoxious atmosphere has a disagreeable effect on them turning them into delinquents. Islam enjoins upon both the spouses to give each other their rights and fulfil their obligations so that a detestable and blameworthy situation does not arise. These rights are:

1. A woman must obey her husband. Once, women sent a message to the Holy Prophet may blessings of Allah and peace be on him “Men participate in jihad, If they die, they gain the status of a shaheed, otherwise that of a ghazi. They earn reward and virtue and collect the booty too. We serve them; but, what do we attain?” He said, “Submission to the husband and fulfilment of his rights are equal in reward and virtue to jihad in the way of Allah. But very few women do it.”[1]

2. She must look after the property of her husband and guard her chastity. There is a hadith to the effect: “Shall I not reveal to you the best of the things a person can collect? It is a pious and righteous woman. When the husband looks towards her, she pleases him. When he asks her to do something, she obeys him. When he is not there, she protects his property and her own honour.”[2]

3. She should not refuse to comply when her husband calls her to his bed. According to a hadith: “when a wife denies her husband this right and he passes the night displeased with her, the angels curse the woman until dawn.”[3]

4. “A husband is responsible for the maintenance of his wife and children. Exactly this is the command of the Lord.”[4] Fear Allah concerning your wives because you have obtained them through the guarantee of Allah and it is through His words that they are lawful to you. It is your obligation to feed and clothe them according to custom. [5]

5. A husband must consult his wife in matters relating to the home. The Holy Prophet may blessings of Allah and peace be on him has said, “Consult them about (the marriage of) your children.”[6]

6. They must overlook each other’s weaknesses and defects. The Holy Prophet has said: “No believer must bear malice toward a believing woman. If she has a trait that he dislikes, she may have some other quality that appeals to him. [7]

7. A husband must treat his wife with kindness, humour her and live happily with her. Allah, the Exalted, has said: “And live with them honourably; if you dislike them, perhaps you detest a thing and yet Allah has placed abundant good therein.” [8]

The Holy Prophet has said:  “The best among you is he who treats his family kindly. I am better with my family than you are.” [9] Once the Holy Prophet took Hazrat Aishah to see the play of the Africans. He waited there with her for a long time.[10] He would run with her, too. Hazrat Umar often said, “In being kind and soft to his wife, a husband must be like a child; however, with others he must behave like a bold man.”

8. The husband must lend a hand in the household tasks. The Holy Prophet would engage himself in household chores. At times, he would cook the meat. Sometimes, he would sweep or clean the house.[11]

If the spouses guarantee these rights, they will never face disagreement and they will never quarrel. On the contrary, the entire family will be cited as an example of a group of a happy, loving people. However, if, because one of them is short-tempered and ill-mannered, they lack harmony and unity and it is difficult to live together, then the husband must not divorce his wife before he endeavours to reconcile and adopt the policies discussed in the next few lines.

(Continued)