Disobedient Behaviour in the Child - Its Causes and Remedy (2/4)

To give advice and counsel

To sleep on separate beds; this is an impulsive remedy that may soften his wife towards him.

To give a simple beating provided it is beneficial to do so. The husband must see to it that the beating is so innocent that it is superficial only, leaving no marks on the body. He must not hit on areas where damage is possible. The face, the chest, the stomach and such parts must be avoided. However, do remember that the Holy Prophet never beat a woman.[1]

Once, a woman complained to him that her husband beat her. He said: A man among you beats his wife as though she were a slave-girl and then embraces her; he is not ashamed of himself.[2]

To appoint someone who may arbitrate between the two after listening to each of them. If they reconcile and unite, then it is commendable. The Noble Qur’an has ordered us accordingly.[3] However, if the dispute persists, then he may give the woman the first divorce during the time she is free from menstruation and he has not had sexual intercourse with her. This will allow them to rejoin if they have second thoughts about separation. [4]

Islam expects us to adopt a sound approach to avert divorce whose consequences are very alarming. Divorce is in the one lawful act that invites the displeasure of Allah.[5] A husband is under obligation to provide for his wife and children during her period of waiting after divorce so that she is not compelled to run from pillar to post for help. [6] If he is poor, the government must bear their expenses and the rich must look after them and be kind to them.[7] The affluent face a stern punishment and a strict accounting if they do not spend on the poor. [8]

The idle time of children and adolescents

Deviation and libertine behaviour may follow if ample idle time is available to the child and he has nothing to do. Guardians must be very careful about this. They must engage their wards in beneficial and gainful activities and urge them to offer ritual prayers. Apart from being an important form of worship, it is a physical exercise and a means to obtaining cleanliness and purity. Hence, when a child is seven years old, order him to offer his prayers and, when he is ten, punish him if he does not offer the prayers.[9] Children may take part in exercises for jihad and learn horse-riding, archery, swimming, jumping, boating, and similar sports. Encourage them to read useful books, write and deliver speeches, and keep physically fit.

We are directed in the Qur’an to collect trained horses and ammunition to fight our foe.[10] We find in a hadith: Consider health before ailment a boon.[11] Our beloved Prophet has said: Learn archery and horsemanship. That you master archery is dearer to me than you learn horse-riding. [12] Play is absurd but not marksmanship, taming horses, amusing one’s wife, and to learn swimming. [13] The display of one’s courage before the enemy invites the mercy of Allah. [14] A strong believer is better than a feeble one and is dearer to Allah. [15]Keep these Islamic rules in mind and train your children to be healthy and strong scholars of religion. Let them not be divergent, ill-mannered or defiant.

Evil society and vulgar companions

The main cause of straying and defiance among children is evil and indecent companions. The influence of evil companions sets in faster and if the child is stupid, careless and unprincipled this is more marked because he idealises them in his actions. It becomes difficult to bring him back to senses. This is why we are directed to supervise the children. Particularly, we must keep an eye on adolescents— their manners, their company and their friends. We must find for them noble friends from whom they may learn good manners and may imitate them. The Noble Qur’an has directed us to keep away from evil company.[16]

We learn from a hadith that a person is on the religion of his friends. Therefore, we must observe him with whom we build a friendship.[17] A good friend is like the owner of musk and a bad companion is as a blower of a kiln. The possessor of musk will gift you the musk or you will buy it from him, or you will benefit from its fragrant smell anyway. On the other hand, a kiln operator may burn your clothes; even if he does not, the unpleasant odour is your lot anyway.[18]

A person will be with him whom he has befriended and he will receive whatever he has earned.[19] We are ordered to keep away from vile companions because they will get us into disrepute.[20] Guardians must observe these principles so that their children turn out to be respectable members of the society and valuable assets for the Ummah, giving it proper guidance.

(Continued)