Dealing With Parents (1/2)

1. Behave Well Towards Your Father And Mother

Behave well towards your father and mother and consider this good conduct as a propitious act which will earn God's grace in this world as well as in the next. Next to God, man owes the greatest obligation to his parents. The greatness and value of this obligation towards one's parents may be realised from the fact that the Holy Qur'an at several points mentions the rights of parents and the rights of God simultaneously at one place. Furthermore, the Holy Qur'an has ordained the duty of offering thanks to the parents along with thanksgiving to the Lord:

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none save Him and (that ye show) kindness to parents." [Surat Al-Isra’: 23]

'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud (radiAllahu anhu) relates "I submitted to the Holy Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) which deed will win the highest favour of God?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) answered: "The prayer which is offered at the appointed hour.” I submitted again: 'Next to this which other deed will win the greatest favour of God?' The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: "Good conduct towards father and mother." I again submitted: 'And next to this?' The Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Jihad in the way of Allah." [Reported by sahih al-Bukhari, Muslim] 

'Abdullah (radiAllahu anhu) reports: "One day a person went to the presence of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and submitted: "I give my hand into your hand and swear allegiance for performing Hijrat and Jihad and I beseech a reward from God in return for this." The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enquired: "Is one of your parents alive?" He submitted: "Yes, praise be to God, both my father and mother are alive." Thereupon the Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Well then do you really want to receive a reward from God for performing Hijrat and Jihad?" The man replied: "Yes, indeed, I beseech reward from God in return for these acts." The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "Go then. Attend to your parents and serve them well". [Reported by Muslim] 

Abu Umama (radiAllahu anhu) relates: "A man enquired from the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you)! What are the rights of parents over their offspring?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: "Your entry into Paradise or Hell depends on your good or bad conduct towards your parents." [Reported by Ibn Majah] 

In other words, “if you treat them well, you will be sent to Paradise and if you violate the rights that your parents have over you, you will be consigned to serve as fuel for Hell-Fire.”

2. Be Grateful To Your Parents

Thanksgiving and an acknowledgement of debt and gratitude are the first duties which a beneficiary owes to the benefactor. It is a fact that the parents are the palpable cause for our existence. Again, it is under their protection and upbringing that we grow up to an age of maturity. The extraordinary self- sacrifice, unparalleled devotion and deep affection with which they patronize us demand that our hearts should be filled with sentiments of reverence, indebtedness, love and an acknowledgement of their magnanimity and every fibre of our heart should pulsate with feelings of gratitude to them. It is for this reason that God has ordained offering of gratitude to parents along with thanksgiving to Him.  

"(We willed) that you should offer thanks to Me and remain grateful to your father and mother." 

3. Always Try To Make Your Parents Happy

Do not say anything in opposition to their will or temperament which may displease them, especially when they are advanced in age they acquire a peevish and irritable temperament. In old age parents start making unexpected demands and begin proffering impossible claims. In this case also tolerate their behaviour in good cheer and do not say anything in anger in response to their demands which may cause them pain and may injure their feelings.  

"If one or both of thy parents reach an advanced age with thee, say not 'fie' unto them nor repulse them." 

As a matter of fact, the strength to tolerate unpleasant things is sapped daring old age and weakness increases the sense of self-importance in old people. Hence they react sensitively to even minor offensive matters. Keeping in view their delicate and sensitive nature, do not let your parents feel angry by any of your words or deeds. 

'Abdullah b. Amr (radiAllahu anhu) relates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: "The pleasure of God is contained in the pleasure of the father even as His displeasure is contained in the displeasure of the father." [Reported by at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban, Hakim] 

In other words, anyone who wants to please God should seek the pleasure of his father, for if the father is angry, the favour of God cannot be earned. The one who makes his father angry provokes the wrath of God.

Another statement of   'Abdullah (radiAllahu anhu) runs as follows: "A man left his parents weeping and came to the presence of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) for the purpose of offering allegiance to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) for Hijrah. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed to him: "Go back to your parents and return after making them happy as you came after leaving them crying." [Reported by Abu Dawud] 

4. Do Service To Your Parents With Heart And Soul

If God has afforded you the opportunity to serve your parents, it is in fact a favourable opportunity for you to earn entitlement to Paradise and to win the Pleasure of God. Good service to parents secures blessings and grace in both worlds and man obtains salvation from the calamities of this world and the next. Anas (God be pleased 'with him) relates: "Any man who desires that his life should be prolonged and his subsistence may be increased ought to do good service to his parents and show kindness to them." [Reported by al-Targhib-o-Tarhib] 

The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has observed: "Let that man be disgraced, and disgraced again and let him be disgraced even more." The people enquired: "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you) who is that man?" The Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: "I refer to the man who finds his parents old in age - both of them or one of them - and yet did not earn entitlement to Paradise by rendering good service to them." 
[Reported by Muslim] 

On one occasion, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave precedence to the obligation of looking after one's parents over one of the supreme forms of worship like Jihad. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade a companion (God be pleased with him) to proceed on Jihad and urged him to look after his parents. 

'Abdullah ibn 'Amr (radiAllahu anhu) relates that a person came to the presence of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah he upon him) with the intention of participating in the Jihad. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enquired from him: "Are your father and mother alive?" He submitted : "Yes, they are alive". The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) thereupon observed: "Go and render good service to them. This is the Jihad". [Reported by sahih al-Bukhari, Muslim]   

5. Respect And Adore Your Parents

Respect and adore your parents and do not show disrespect to them by a single word or action. The Holy Qur'an affirms:

"But speak to them a gracious word." [Surat Al-Isra:23] 

On one occasion   'Abdullah b. 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) enquired from   Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) : "Do you wish to ward off Hell and gain entry into Paradise?" Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) answered : "Yes, why not, I swear in the name of God I cherish this desire".   Ibn 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) then asked: "Are your parents alive?" Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) replied: "Yes, my mother is alive," Ibn 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) remarked: "If you talk to them in a polite manner and look after their needs and feed them well, you will certainly be admitted to Paradise provided you abstain from capital evils." [Reported by Al-Adab al-Mufrad] 

 Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) once saw two men. He asked one of them: "What is your relationship with the other man?" The person replied: "He is my father."   Abu Hurairah (radiAllahu anhu) thereupon advised him, "Look, never call him by his proper name, walk ahead of him nor sit before he takes his seat." [Reported by Al-Adab al-Mufrad] 

6. Be Faithful And Humble Towards Your Parents

"And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy."
[Surat Al-Isra’:23]

To offer humble obedience to parents implies to pay constant regard to their dignity. Do not assume a haughty attitude towards them, nor treat them with insolence.  

7. Love Your Parents

Love your parents and consider this act as a privilege and a source of reward in the eternal world.   Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) relates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "The pious offspring who casts a single look of affection at his parents receives a reward from God equal to the reward of an accepted Hajj." The people submitted: "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you): If someone casts a hundred such glances of love and affection at his parents, what then?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed; "Yes, indeed, even if one does so a hundred times a day, he will get a hundred fold reward. God is far greater than you imagine and is completely free from petty narrow mindedness."   [Reported by Muslim] 

8. Obey Your Parents With Full Devotion

Obey your parents with full devotion. Even if they show some intransigence, obey their will cheerfully. Keeping in view the great favours which they have done to you, try to fulfil all their demands willingly which may be offensive to your own taste or temperament, provided, of course, they are not derogatory to the tenets of religion. 

Abu Sa'id (radiAllahu anhu) narrates that a person came to the presence of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) from Yemen. The Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enquired from him, “Do you have any relations in Yemen?” He submitted: "Yes, my father and mother are there". The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) then asked: "Did they give you permission to leave?" He submitted: "No, I did not take their permission". The Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) thereupon observed: "Go back then and ask the permission of your father and mother. If they agree, come back and join the Jihad, otherwise, attend on them and render good service to them." [Reported by Abu Dawud] 

Realize the value of rendering obedience to parents from the fact that a man came from miles intending to join the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) in Holy war for the glory of religion, yet the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) turned him back saying: "You can join the Holy War only if both your father and mother allow you to do so." 

Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) reports that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) observed: "The man who wakes up in the morning having previously discharged all the duties and obligations laid upon him by God concerning his parents, he will find the two gates of Paradise open for him on waking up in the morning; and in case there is only one parent, the person will find one door of Paradise open for him. And in contrast if a man wakes up in the morning having previously disregarded any obligations or duties laid upon him by God concerning his parents, then he will find two gates of Hell open for him on waking up in the morning; and in case one of the parents is alive, then the man will find one gate of Hell open for him." The man submitted: "O Prophet of God (peace and blessings of Allah be upon you), if the parents are treating him wrongly, what then?" The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) affirmed: "Yes, even if they are treating him wrongly; yes, indeed, even if they are treating him wrongly."  [Reported by Mishkat]