The Blessing of Having Righteous Parents (1/3)

The mercy and affection that the parent has for his or her children does not need explanation or declaration. As soon as one becomes a parent; his or her mercy, affection, kindness, care, dedication and love towards their children begins. Before that, and as Islam requires, the righteous man looks for a righteous wife who will be the source of affection, wisdom and righteous upbringing of their offspring together, thus, building a righteous family that is the  basic  ingredient  in  the  building  of  the  righteous Muslim Society. Furthermore, religious children who were brought up by religious parents, are worthy of being kind and of keeping good relations with their relatives, while the sinners are the farthest among people from righteousness, keeping relations with their kin and Birr in general.

However, one's loving and caring for his or her children should never direct him or her to disregard Allah's Rights or to be lenient with children where they should be firm.

Once, Caliph Hisham bin Abdul-Malik did not see his son among those attending the Friday prayer and questioned him about it, and his son replied that his mule could not carry him. Hisham said to him:

"But you could have walked." Hisham forbade his son from riding an animal for a year, during which he had to walk to the Friday prayer.[1]

This is a method of discipline that our ancestors used with their children, so that they would become aright, adhere by the truth and fulfill their Islamic duties and responsibilities.

Another aspect of beneficial parenthood occurs when silence overcomes the world at night when parents stand before the Hands of Allah and invoke Him for the benefit of their children. Hisham bin Hassan said that Sa’id bin Jubair said to him:

“I perform longer prayers for the benefit of this son of mine.” Hisham commented, “He hoped that Allah will protect his son for him this way.”[2]

When Malik bin Dinar saw a man pray improperly, he said:

“I feel pity for his children!” He was asked, “He does not pray properly and you feel pity for his children?”  Malik said: “He is their chief (r teacher) and they learn from him.”[3]

This demonstrates the pivotal role parents play in the way their children treat them in the future, whether they rear them righteously and carefully, invoke Allah for them and protect them from all evils. Therefore, it is incumbent on the Muslim father and mother to protect their children from the punishment Allah has prepared for ‘Uquq of the parents, by being righteous themselves and teaching their children the means and ways of Birr in general and towards parents in particular. They are required to rear their children righteously, teach them Allah’s set limits and warn them against the ways and methods that lead to His anger and displeasure. By implementing this method, parents will also help their children in being kind to them later on in their life. For instance, AI-Ghazzali said:

"Parents   should  help  their  children  in being  kind  to them,  by refraining   from  requiring  from  them  what they  cannot  bear  and  insisting  on things  when  their children  are bored (or tired),  for fear that they might disobey  them and thus earn the Fire." [4]

It was said that your child is with you seven years as a prisoner, another seven years as a prince and another seven as a minister.[5]

Moreover, Muhammad bin Hatib said that he heard Abdullah bin 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them both, say to a man, "Discipline your children, for you will be asked about what you teach them, while they will be responsible for being dutiful and obedient to you." Therefore, children are a trust kept with their parents. Their hearts are just like a valued precious stone that does not have any inscription on it and is ready to accept any and all imprint. If children are taught righteous behavior, they will grow up the same and earn the happiness of this life and the Hereafter.

Also when the parents are righteous, the benefit of their righteousness will reach their children, as demonstrated by Allah's Statement:

"... and their father was a righteous man…" (Surah Al-Kahf, 18:82)

It was said that the father mentioned in the Ayah was their seventh or tenth grandfather.'[6]

As we stated,  love  of children  should  not  lead  any parent to disregard  Allah's  Rights  or the rights  of Allah's  creation in  favor  of  his  or  her  children.   A son of Sharih bin AI­Harith said to him:

"There is a dispute between me and some people. Please judge  in this case,  so that  if I have  the right  I take  them  to  the judge, or  else  I settle  the  dispute with them."

He explained  the  details  of the  dispute  to his  father,  who advised  that  he should  take  the  dispute  to the  authorities. His  son  implemented   his  advice,  went  to  the  authorities with  his  dispute  and  lost  the  case.  He went back to his father and said to him, "By Allah!  Had  I not  asked  you to advise  me,  I would  not have  gone  ahead  with  the  dispute (to the judge)  and lost it." Sharih said:

"By Allah, my son, you are dearer to me than the earth's fill like them.  However,   Allah,  the  Exalted and  Most  Honored,   is dearer  to  me  than  you  are.  I did not  tell  you that  your  case  is weak  for  fear  that you  might   try  to  settle   it  with   them   and   in  the process  eat up some of their rights."?[7]

Birr towards   parents   also  includes   the  way   one  walks along   with   them,   as  demonstrated by this story: Abu Ghassan   Adh-Dhabbi   went  out  walking   in  front   of  his father  in AI-Madinah  and  Abu  Hurairah   (may Allah be pleased with him)  caught up with him and asked him:

"Who is that man walking behind you?" He said,

"My father." Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said; "You have missed correctness and contradicted   the Sunnah. Do not walk  in front  of your  father,  only  behind  him  or to his right  and do not let anyone separate  between you  and  him  (while  walking).   Do  not  take  a  bone that  has  meat  on it, which  your  father  looked  at, for he might  have wanted  it. Do not look straight at your father, do not sit until he sits and do not sleep until he goes to sleep."  (Reported by At-Tabarani)

(Continued)