Controlling a six-years-old child

Peace be upon you.
First of all, I appreciate your eagerness to rear the children of your husband because only a few people who really care for upbringing because it is not an easy task. The art of upbringing should not come at once, especially the children are not yours, but should come gradually. May Allah make this matter in the scale of your good deeds and make those children a gate for you to enter Paradise.

I have read your letter many times to depict an image of that girl who lost her stability since her birth and had lost things that make her personality stable.

She is a smart girl, of strong character, and observes things carefully; she may not be aware of it, but certainly, she feels and understands. Her sister is one year younger, which means she did not enjoy the care of her mother during her childhood and only three months later another partner shared life with her in her mother’s belly.

This child needs more true love that would restore her confidence, security, and stability.

Indeed, the matter will not be easy in the presence of the original mother where the girl needs her mother, but you can achieve that by sincere love because children accept the people who love them.

Always connect her with the love of Allah and show her the blessings that He gave to His creation. Make the entire life a school to teach her and feel how much Allah loves and bestows mercy on us, then connect her with fearing of Allah and keenness to His Satisfaction.

For being a smart girl, she will not respond but after she understands, therefore, give much care to the upbringing of her mentality and values, in addition to fearing of Allah in order to ensure that she will do the commands even in your absence. As for frightening her by commands and prohibitions, that will be of no use with such a character.

The matter will take some time, but it will be useful because imprinting convictions and upbringing cannot be in the middle of situations but throughout life in general: through a useful story, situations, good example, and useful words.

That girl has a strong personality, so take advantage of her personality as well as her smartness. Treat her as a grown up person and even if her sister is more kind than her, certainly she also has some qualities. Try to appreciate these qualities and ask her to help you in the housework, reinforce her role before her siblings, and teach her how to share responsibility in a way she feels that she is responsible and not neglectful.

Use the reward style more than punishment and ignore the behaviors that you do not like and reinforce the positive behaviors that will finally overcome the negative ones. In case there is a provocation, give symbolic rewards to the one who behaves properly.

And gradually replace the money prizes with moral prizes like making certificates through which you should connect her with the reward that she will receive from Allah. Tell her about the heaven and the blessings that were made for the obedient people who adhere to the Islamic moral system, good behaviors, and to those who bear responsibility.

Remember that three months in compare to six years is not enough to modify what has been built previously; therefore focus on specific things each time, and when you treat them move to the next, and so on.

Of course, always remember that upbringing without love will not work at all because the process of upbringing is distinguished by our love to it and to the child we raise.

Do not forget to seek for help from Allah, wait for the reward from Him, and supplicate Him. May Allah reward you and make things easy for you.