My husband and destructive obsessions

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

Doubt is one of the most difficult feelings that cause trouble to a person and those who deal with him, how will be the case if this feeling is supported by evidence?!

Perhaps the problem is that your did not tell your husband in the beginning although you know his obsessions and nature. With people like your husband, it is better to tell them, explain the matter to him in details, and resort to him instead of hearing it from others by chance.

After that was done, focus your efforts to remove doubts from his heart by being very clear with him and tell him about your mistake that you did not tell him from the beginning; your acknowledgement of mistake will calm things down.

You also need to justify the reasons which made you hide things from him which was your love and fear for him, then give him a perception of the future to correct your future situations and by which you remove doubt and fear from him from the future.

However, pay attention, do not accept insults, and be firm by refusing them because your silence will confirm these doubts inside him. Tell him that you confess your mistake, as for the doubt which the person is trying to incite in him, that is because he wants to defend himself, so reveal his mask, seek the reward from Allah, and resort to Allah a lot to assist you.

As for fearing for your husband and the sickness of his mother, this needs a behavioral treatment in addition to medication and it will not avail that you alone help him.

Obsessive-compulsive and depression are both due to disorder in brain chemical and non-treatment will make things worse as it happens with your mother-in-law; and vice-versa: whenever the cure is fast, it will be more effective by the will of Allah. Therefore, be keen —by all means— to make him go to see a specialized doctor to help him and use the methods which suit his nature and convince him. You can tell him that you need to see a doctor with him; this may convince him, especially, after the problem that took place. Tell him that you both need a third party and if the third party is specialized, it will be more helpful.

If you fail to convince him to see a doctor, consult a psychiatrist by your own, perhaps he may assist you in a way to convince your husband or until he describes a suitable medication for him and agree with you to a way by which your husband takes medication. If you failed to achieve this, try with your mother-in-law, perhaps she will be an effective mean for your husband when he sees the result. Tell her children about the importance and the effect of medications and be careful to make your speech suitable for their nature in order not to let them refuse or affect your relationship with them. You may consult a wise person of them who can help you more.

In case you fail to achieve that, be careful that his sickness does not affect you by anyway because many of those who suffer diseases could shake the trust of people in themselves. So, be careful not to collapse under pressures and search for something to help you, be strong, able to encompass, and endure the pressures.

Do not forget to seek the reward from Allah in all what you do. What you are doing is not little and so shall be the reward by the will of Allah.